A Garf Secret

My Trip to Toronto - 14

2011-02-05T21:59:00.001-05:00

Today is a Saturday and I stayed in the room. I got up and had calls with my love, my friends who logged in and then by noon it was football time. First it was Arsenal leading a 4-0 to the Newcastle United who finally managed a 4-4 draw if not because of their bad luck which stopped them getting a win in fact at the 90th minute. The eventful match was followed by another match which marked an end for the Manchester United’s winning/draw streak in the English Premier League as they lost the away match 1-2 to Wolves. Well, Manchester United really needs players. Except Nani, I don’t see a soul left there. Anyways, after these, the time was for my favorite Barcelona to reap victory in a hat trick from Lionel Messi in a 3-0 win over the Atletico Madrid. There was no Forlan or Augero. It was Guardiola and Barcelona all the way through as they also got into the all time high record of 16 wins in la-Liga by any team in the history. You just have to love the way they played. Names like Xavi, Inesta, Pedro, Villa and Messi, they all sound synonymous.

The football laden day rolled into my Roadies 8 show time at Youtube as Raghu ensured some real entertainment. Lunch and dinner was Pizza today. And I also got myself Bread and choco-biscuits as I exhausted my stock of foods for the breakfast. I am learning algorithms on my own. They say that that is what makes a difference. Algorithms are powerful and they always help you make your brain work extra as they teach you really cool programming stuffs. My tries to solve a few programmatic puzzles from the Facebook and coderloop.com has got me thinking into as to how to code the other way round. I just hope I see it till the end.

It has started to snow again. It felt nice though, with lower temperatures to go out and get the food. As I watched the T.V. today I couldn’t help notice something which I would like to share. It comes from a commercial and I really liked what it said about the Canadians. I guess, if some Canadian is reading this, he likes it. It said “The self esteem of a Canadian doesn’t simply allow him to expect a warmer day. And to break the cold is just a national sport for the Canadians.” LOL…

That’s all for today.

My Trip to Toronto - 13

2011-02-04T19:41:00.000-05:00

It was a tough day and I really had a lot on my plate as I struggled in the morning to remotely connect to my desktop in India. It was 2 hours before I finally was able to raise a ticket. The lady Indian in my team thought of helping me out and took me to the local admin. He was supposed to be a man of hard words. I didn’t like him and the way he spoke. I didn’t understand what made him feel so proud and tough. He came to my machine twice, did nothing and came back later post lunch to change the network cable and everything started up fine. It was the start of my day. I stayed and worked on whatever I could. I am not happy. My bonus and CTC hike keeps on coming back to me and I find it difficult to work. I won’t feel any good unless I go back and talk to my manager regarding all this. My love headed home today. I just hope that amidst my heights of loneliness, our communication doesn’t become bad. Its two weeks and I can finally say that yes, I am half way down my journey. Another week and on coming Saturday, I would travel to New Jersey for a week before I fly back to India.

My lunch these days have got replaced by “Jimmy the Greek” and I have been away from “Thai Express” for the whole of the week. Well, MacDonald undoubtedly is on a record for the dinners. My Indian storage of cup noodles stands at a count of 1. They were handy and helpful. I can never forget the mornings when I gulped in two at a time, hungry and sleep deprived.

I just realized today as to what can be a downside to blog anonymously. You always miss upon your network and people you know, for votes when you participate in some blog contests. Everything these days have become all about social networking and how much you can network. No one cares much about the quality or content you write. So, being an anonymous blogger, I guess I never stand a chance at any of these contests. Many a times I do feel like going public and declaring the true me, but this is the true me, without the name or the face. I know if I go back, I won’t be what I am, here.

Tomorrow I have a Barcelona match to watch as they play against Ateltico Madrid in the la-Liga. Atletico always come up heavy against Barcelona. It’s time to see what they can do this time as Barcelona is at their historical best. On Sunday, it would be Liverpool against Chelsea. With Torres moving onto Chelsea and Liverpool signing in Suarez and Andy, it would certainly be interesting to see who draws more blood. That I guess speaks for my weekend plans.

My Trip to Toronto - 12

2011-02-03T18:54:00.001-05:00

I slept really long yesterday. I remember sneaking into the bed by 9:30 PM and it was 7 in the morning when I woke up. There is nothing to do except for waiting for friends to update on Facebook. And how many movies do you think I can grab a day? Going to work was the toughest today. After the blizzard here, roads were full of snow and it was sticky and the worst part; I wore formal shoes. I walked for some steps and got slipped forward for a few steps and managed myself from falling a few times and the fear of what will happen if someone else passing by skids was a constant companion as I walked the 1.2 km to walk to office. Not to mention the condition my shoes were in, I had to endure the same while I came back though it was much warmer then. My LOB manager wants me in another team lunch this Friday. Last time it was Sushi and this time it would be Italian. That’s the only fun left for me here. I am tired of having MacDonald burgers and Thai and Greek cuisines. I really feel desperate to go back.

I am done with all the major OSCAR contenders. A post is now very much necessary, which I feel won’t happen before weekend. That puts an end to my today. Is that wonderful or disgusting? So small, to have a day, is………..

My Trip to Toronto - 11

2011-02-02T18:48:00.001-05:00

It was the Blizzard day. I never knew what that was, until today. We heard of it being at the US yesterday and today it was Toronto. Since early hours in the morning it’s all covered up. My manager was caring to tell me that since my Canadian counterparts would be working from home, I can take a day off. Initially I felt that it would clear up as day progresses but I was wrong. Anyways, a leave really sucked except that it was a football day at the Copa-Del-Rey. By the way, would you believe me if I told you that I was on Skype calling up and talking to friends in India since 6 in the morning, till it was 12 in the noon. 6 hours, that is the longest I have been online talking to people.

It happened to be the Joke of the day when, a school mate turn up online and complaints to me that he had been trying to reach me badly since days and that it was really bad of me having not told him that I have switched my contact numbers. And all of this crying and shouting is because he feels that he got married without me attending his marriage. Seriously, he wanted me to buy that. If it’s my marriage, and I really want someone to be there, I would get to him, whatever he might be at or wherever he may be. He was calling on my 4 year old number and he forgot all together to explain as to why he didn’t try reaching me via e-Mail or Orkut or Facebook……well, its now-a-days a fashion to tell you that you were being missed at the marriage. Its dual; it tells you that someone got married and that someone still wants to be in touch with you, though he didn’t invite or forgot to invite you. Simple!

A short nap of one hour followed by a quest out into the snow and blizzard to get my hot pizza and diet coke and I was all set for the Copa-Del-Rey semi finals. Barcelona really play a good football. There is hardly any team out there presently who play as decently and stylish as Barca does. With Messi, Villa, Xavi, Inesta, Pedro and Puyol out, it was the younger ones trying their luck today. They scored thrice and Dani Alves had some really good effort today with the ball along with Bojan and it was disheartening to see him getting frustrated for a goal. Afellay’s first goal for Barca was really good and Adriano did some run till the goal post to open the score. Its time before this new breed gets mature and matches the quality of the seniors. A very satisfying 90 minutes for me which followed by a nice end up from the German, Mesut Ozil who saved Madrid from humiliation and sealed another Real-Madrid and Barcelona final. It’s time to see, with crossed fingers what damage Barcelona and champion coach Pep Guardiola inflicts on the second meet up. The last one, a clear 5-0 victory over Mourinho will be with me forever. Sevilla, who went down 0-1 to Madrid played safe and really lacked players at the front. I feel, that made the difference for the ball was distributed evenly. Ozil, unlike Ronaldo, Benzemma and Di-Maria is a tricky player who just doesn’t rely on shots and power. He is one who plays with mind when he is at the front of the goal post and certainly is according to me the most dangerous Madrid has. He truly belongs to Barcelona.

These days, an image keeps back coming to me. It’s me flying back to India. My flight, supposedly to reach in the morning IST hours would, I hope, ensure the best sunrise I would be seeing in quite some time. I feel lonely here. It could have been bettered have I not been into the buck saving business, while on my trip here.

My Trip to Toronto - 10

2011-02-01T18:52:00.000-05:00

My trip to Toronto is turning out to be a Cast Away to Toronto. This city is great and people are nice, but I am on my own, stuck up this cold. I realized that like walking in this cold. Its freezing outside but that’s what makes walking fun for me here. Wearing all those heavy woolens and heading out, watching the hot air you exhale and the numbness in your nose, cheeks and ears are some experience. Here everyone walks faster than me. I find it hard to cross someone. Only, the old ones are the easy ones. And often I see couples, walking hand in hand on the streets. I feel like stopping them and suggesting them to go inside and order whatever they need. You are together and you go out in such cold. Born here, walking in this freezing cold could never be fun as against the case with me. Why not sit at home, relax and order stuffs you need. Nez, that can’t be generalized I guess. But really, doing the talk as you walk, here, is tough. I appreciate the ones who do the talk here while walking.

My stomach is frustrated with MacDonald burgers and French fries. Either they are the lunch or the dinner. From food, to the time I spent at my room to the amount of talking I do these days, everything has become a test. I feel like being under some regime and under constant monitoring on my way to some extraordinary certification that would earn me accolades. Oh I forgot. Pay Numbers are out in India. I got information as to how much my salary has been hiked and the bonus I would be getting. And I am being asked about my opinion on those figures. They aren’t bad as compared to others in the market. They certainly do match the investment bank tag but my necessities are huge. I am still in a fix as to what I should be saying. Well, I guess I will just show my dissatisfaction and hint towards a better figure but as I feel, spelling out the exact is always tough. Life hasn’t given me many options. Eventually I have to start looking out again which I don’t want to do unless I get myself some amazing abroad opportunities in countries of my choice. So, let it start. I will tell my expectations. Rest, is destiny.

My leave is approved, regarding the travel to my birth city, late in March. I hope something else doesn’t go wrong. I am dying to be there. Post job, its pending. I don’t feel much for being an Indian or a by caste, but I can die for the place I was born at. That’s me. And I feel good that there is something about my existence I love so much.

That’s all I have for today. It’s time for my black coffee. And a big Happy Chinese New year to the ones who have it. :)

My Trip to Toronto - 9

2011-01-31T19:19:00.000-05:00

It’s a bad Monday. First I wasn’t able to talk to my love and had to rush for office. Then, I didn’t take my cap as it was -3 yesterday and I felt fine. It turned out to be -13 today and I somehow managed to reach office. I wasn’t able to feel my ears and nose. My hair was wet too as I had just taken the bath and headed out. It was careless of me. I had to endure the same on my way back. It was -11 and by the time I reached MacDonald for my take away, my ears and nose were gone. So, I just hope that I wake up fine.

My friend argues that I should visit the nude club in the locality. He says that’s what a man does. Well, I don’t really agree. I am in love in the first place and secondly, I don’t like nude shows. I wonder how people get the fun of such shows. I have this incapability to feel anything at such shows and I know that for sure. Then I guess there simply isn’t any point going there. And as to the second point my friend points out regarding alcohol, well, there is no fun drinking alone. I have done it many a times in India and I know how it feels to drink alone. That’s the last thing I would do when dollars are at stake.

It’s not even 10 days and it feels months. Nez, I have Barcelona match on Saturday, 4:00PM EST which implies that one of my weekends is taken care of. Liverpool signs Suarez and Carroll, a nice breed and mix for Torres who heads for Chelsea. I guess, this would add onto Liverpool’s favor. Torres looked old and tired with Liverpool. Now EPL should become more fun. I hope ManU, ManC and Arsenal feel some heat. On another note, Real Madrid looses 0-1. I pity Mourinho. I pity him for he has always been a proud and egoist coach, quite jealous of Barcelona and have a high inability to cope with success and talent. Such teams can never soar high, for long. We beat them 5-0 and more is coming.

That’s all guys. It’s time for me to immerse myself in the latest algorithm book I happened to come across, have my burger, call a few ones back at home and sleep for another day ahead.

My Trip to Toronto - 8

2011-01-30T19:41:00.000-05:00

Today was another day which I spent inside all by myself. I woke up and had calls with friends love and parents. That was when I was ready for my lunch and today it was Macaroni Pizza and a diet coke. It was filling. I kept aside my daily MacDonald engagements for the dinner, which I would start for in another 30 minutes.

One big thing which came of today during my long online chats with friends is that I would be travelling to my birth town in the last week of March. I got the tickets booked today and we are almost set for the travel. It’s my friend’s elder brother who is getting married there. I had been longing to go there since years but since the day I started working, I never really could plan something. This seems to be a perfect opportunity to head down the memory lanes. That place has made me the way I am, good or bad and it always would be a pleasure visiting it. This time, I would try my best to capture as much I can in my camera. There is so much out there that I really get lost when I try to think as to what all I should focus myself on once I am there. Its nostalgia and it feels heaven…

I had been watching the movies these days. I don’t have much left to do. It’s strange. In India, I was running out of the touch with movies and here, I am like back in, full throttle all over it. To give you something on that, I have plans to dedicate a blog post solely for the Oscar nominations and how I felt about them. They deserve that time and effort. Even if no one is really going to care about what I write or think, it’s salute. Movies are wonderful stuff.

Tomorrow marks the start of my second week of stay at Toronto. You would be logically correct not to expect stuffs from my side. But, I am unpredictable and this time, I would like not to be. Just today as I was discussing my mental fight over visiting places vs saving bucks vs being alone, it came to me that of all the people we knew to be here, in the States and Canada, almost all of them have headed back to India. Some have done that as they are on vacation and some have moved back permanently. Strange but true, GOD really wants me to hit these places alone as of now. Well, as Barney says, Challenge Accepted.

My Trip to Toronto - 7

2011-01-29T21:21:00.000-05:00

I spent the whole day inside. MacDonald was my lunch and Thai Express was the dinner. I need rice and shrimps are always a favorite. I also searched for the Toronto tourist places and came across quite good ones. The CN tower with 180 storey as being the latest onto the modern world wonders is surely a must watch. I wasn’t able to find anything easier though. As said earlier, I would like to stay at my room as long as I can. It has been just one of whole three weeks down. Miles to go…

My favorite Television show Roadies 8 is on air. I miss watching it on my TV. I have an LCD here but it’s just waste. It has only the Canadian channels and paid movies. Cable services in India really are amazing and better. They almost suit anyone from anywhere. Anyways, YouTube is doing the shows for me. In La-Liga today, Barcelona smashed Hercules 3-0 today and the 400th goal under pep Guardiola comes from Lionel Messi. And without an effort, Messi even scored his second. Not to mention the starter from Pedro. That was really an amazing score and surely places Pedro among the top brackets.

I am still having tough time with the currency here. I keep on going to these shops for my dinner or lunch and I always spell the same thing out: “I am new here, can you help me with the coins”…They always do. That’s what I like here. People, though they happen to mind their own, do feel like humans. The lady who comes for housekeeping, the guy who came in twice for fixing up the internet and bulbs and the plumber for the shower issue, they all felt human and they all looked happy and they all sounded content. I don’t know what it is but it surely is good and something which India lacks for sure.

I just recollected that I haven’t been smoking since 10 days. That is the longest I have gone without it. And on the flip side as you start expecting that I finally gave up something bad, I am now-a-days addicted to black coffee. That’s what I have in room and I love it without the milk and that’s what is growing upon me. I hope this doesn’t become the next addiction issue of my life. Well, that was all from the Toronto Saturday.

My Trip to Toronto - 6

2011-01-28T17:42:00.000-05:00

Today’s highlight: Sushi at team lunch. It really was good. I never had it before. And I am a big fan of sea food. So, I never had any issues with it. I really liked the hot drink which was served along with the soup and Sushi and the numerous types it includes, it looks and tastes amazing.

I am tired of answering the same questions again and again. All they ask for is what is my plan for the rest of the day or for the weekends or what is it that I am having for the dinner. What am I supposed to say them? Isn’t everybody aware that I am all alone and the temperature is -10? I don’t understand.

My first week at Toronto comes to an end. It was good. I somehow managed my time. What lies ahead of me is two full days at hotel room. I guess I will get exhausted and try out the Google map for local areas to visit which would be cheaper for me to access. I anyways have to go out for the lunch. I leave that onto time to happen. I wish I had a work Visa and come here for a longer interval. This is a nice place to be.

It’s time for my black coffee. I guess I would stick to myself and work on the new website I am planning. You either have everything or you don’t have anything. It feels silly and foolish to hang around in the middle. Life has its own way….

9th Aug: My sad & happy Day...

2011-01-27T19:35:00.003-05:00

The below post (a real life incident from my life) is my entry for Close Up “Fire-Freeze” Contest.
If you have lived any such moment where you felt contrasting emotions piercing you, you may participate. Remember to post your story-in brief-as a comment below this post. Thanks.

I belong to a big, famous and common league: I am a software developer from India. When you become that, you feel good and especially more when you are a class bunker during your engineering days and addicted to novels, movies and PC games. Gradually, as I settled in my job, a want of better package made me a frequent job hopper. I was sitting at my 3th organization in 4 years. Things were worse for I had already been selected for an Investment bank (a dream) and was waiting for the offer letter. That would make it 4 in 4 years. I hope you don’t ask me WHY when I will tell you that I did that within a week of my joining the new org. It was a dream to work for an Investment bank, for me and opportunities don’t come twice, do they? So as I pondered more over my future, relaxing during my office hours, I thought getting an MBA done from some elite school would now make more sense for I am just about to move into something cool. How long can an offer letter take to reach me? Notice periods after you resign at your workplace are always rosy. All set, GMAT was the word.

Internet got me all that I needed. Forums and blogs gave me a good head start. Within 2 days, I had all the stuff I would need and it stood at 4+ GB mark. I always start good. While a daily 2 hour preparation is usually suggested, I started at 5. Two weeks down, I was getting tired. The zeal was decreasing. One month down, I was almost done with my course. I was looking forward to another two weeks to be done with my revision and searching for a good online test series seemed perfect for the time. Being a born procrastinator, it also seemed logical to seal the deal and I booked my GMAT dates. But somewhere in the city, an accident happens, my colleague gets injured and out of work for no idea how long according to the doctors and the next day at work, my project gets shuffled and I along with another new joiner (Mr. X), is expected to work with someone (Mr. Y ) sitting at the onshore. My housewife days (I used to come home by 5PM in the evenings) were over. The famous onsite-offshore model started for me. It was now 10 or 11 in the night when I used to reach home. It took two days for me to settle in the sudden changes at work and after thinking it through; things still looked easy for the GMAT to happen as planned. Test series would be for the weekends with 1 hour revisions during the week. I was targeting for a 730+.

Four tests down, I was at a 640, a well 90 points below of my target score. Numerous head and fist bangs over the desk, countless cigarettes and discussions with closed ones, subject experts and brainstorming couldn’t help me out. Logic suggested a change of date. And, my soon-to-arrive offer letter was already 2 Months delayed. I kept on submitting my proofs and the HR always came back asking for something different. Sometimes it was the tenant agreement or sometimes it was the format of my scanned copy. Background verification became a passport application. And my 10-11PM log off time from work got extended to 2-3 AM in the mornings as I got stuck up with Mr. X & Y, mostly to explain them no more than the basics for fresh graduates out of college. Everything was testing everything in me.

A score of 630 in the 5th test on a weekday morning finally got the better off me. The test had to be rescheduled. It needs to be done tonight. 90 points increase in performance isn’t a joke. I reached home at 2 AM in the morning. With eyes red, I see the offer letter sitting in my inbox. Happy, I rush to make the other end fine. I log into the GMAC website and hit the reschedule button. It charges me $250, the equivalent of a new exam as opposed to the $50 it is supposed to, for rescheduling an exam appointment. I cancel out and retry the steps. Well, it stays the same way. Nuts, I check out the FAQ’s. My original exam day is on 9th Aug and today is 3rd Aug. You have to reschedule your exam at least 7 days before or else, you get charged the same as of a new exam. I never thought of ending my life more seriously. I am appearing the exam as scheduled initially. You think I am done? Nope. The real fun was yet to come.

I had resigned at work but no one seemed to care about it. Everything stayed the same. There was no change in my working hours. I was still educating an 8 year old IT brain at onshore and a 6 year old IT brain at offshore about how data structures work and why I coded what. I actually had to work 12+ hours even during my notice period. Who does that? Why me? I didn’t want to take the exam but $250 is no joke. So, with duality all inside me, my preparation came to a standstill and now I was looking for luck on the day.

It was supposed to be 9th Aug. And it should be a Tuesday for I remember that while booking it, I thought that I would get the weekend and then on Monday, at office I would fake a bad health and leave early and the next morning, on Tuesday, I would ace the exam. So, on Sunday evening, I went out with my friend to check out the Pearson center in my city. On Monday, I went to office and at 4 PM, I successfully faked my bad health to my manager and headed home. It felt heaven to come back so early. But I was sad. The final day lied hours ahead of me. The day which was supposed to be my day depended now totally on luck. People do end up getting a 50 point increase. Everything depends on the last few questions and how you start. That’s what I was reading in the forums to keep my fire burning. Anyways, I would have the real time experience of having gone through the GMAT when I would appear it again in a few months, to correct my score. The final score matters. A good sleep is most suggested. I picked up my handset to call up my girl friend and saw it was 9th Aug. Weird. It was 10’o clock in the night. I checked my system calendar. It was 9th Aug. I can’t explain what followed next…..

9th Aug, 2010 was a Monday. I was happy that I escaped the exam unknowingly. I was sad that I finally did indeed make my $250 go into the drain. I was happy that I never got to see that score I hated. I was sad for I knew many around me thought I did all this intentionally. I was happy that I didn’t have to face what it feels like wanting to give 100% and not being able to, when it matters. I was sad that I, being the candidate, didn’t care to check the date and the day.
Life is weird. There are very few things which happen and with time, become increasingly hard to comprehend as to why they happened. Otherwise, time usually has the answer to almost everything else….I still don’t know whether I should be happy or sad about what had happened.

My Trip to Toronto - 5

2011-01-27T18:08:00.001-05:00

Five days down. That implies I am well into the middle of my stay. A couple of issues which still linger include washings, morning bread and cup noodles. They might be near but they are in dollars. That is one thing I am trying to skip. Now a day I am quite happy with my Thai food in the lunch and MacDonald burgers in the dinner. The room coffee maker keeps me good too during the evenings and office work is smooth. Even the climate is warm outside, comparatively. So, in short, everything is just fine and calm.

Tomorrow I would be going out for team lunch. And Saturday does have me visiting a colleague’s house for spending some Indian time together. Though I am not at all eager to go, I really can’t help it. I don’t understand what to talk about and what not to. I take it as another task.

I am getting these weird ideas of creating a website and its gradually growing over me. It would be ideal to focus on it seriously. It can become a potential time killer and would always help me further my skills. I just fear the procrastinator in me. Things never had a problem starting up with me but they never grew up and that list is endless. I don’t want it to grow any further. Being a Gemini, sticking to a cause is tough. I am a perfect example of the same. That’s all for today.

Note: Don’t curse me if at all you are here. I know I am being poor here in uploading pictures of this amazing city but, I hope that you understand that being alone is tough. I don’t want to make it tougher for me. :)

My Trip to Toronto - 4

2011-01-26T17:32:00.001-05:00

It seems that I have made a mistake by having started the Toronto trip series. After the initial two days, life has kind of settled down here and I can see a routine emerge out of it. My reluctance to spend and lack of friends are the facts from my life to blame.

You have to agree that you cannot enjoy a place and feel good if you go on visiting places alone. That’s exactly my case. Even though I don’t know when I am going to come back to Canada, will that ever happen in my lifetime or not, I just can’t carry on with my two eyes and legs. And when you have financial issues in your life, going alone and spending that buck out would be the last thing you would ever do.

I went to office and came back. I had Thai food during the lunch and MacDonald awaits me for dinner. Rest of my time in Toronto is spent over the internet with my laptop. Whenever I happen to look outside and see that skyline from my room, that’s when I realize that I am no more in India. It feels good, in a way that I am here. But it does feel sad too, spending time at home when you are at a place new and you do no not know if life is ever gonna get you that second chance. I leave all of it to god. I am happy believing that he being the know-it-all entity understands me and has a reason for me to be here, this way. I am here just to fit into his plan.

Here it’s getting warm though. It was -3 degrees centigrade today. Toronto does
indeed impress me. People look nice as they walk fast trying to escape the cold and snow and covered up in the woolens. Streets look white with snow. Air feels to be purified in cold steam. There is something about the cold chill in the air that hits your face and you feel something inside you. The thing with cold air and winters can never escape you if you really do pay attention to it. And be the one behind the wheels or the street walker, both has respect and time for the other. It’s decent and clean. Take my word, it’s quite a place to be.

My Trip to Toronto - 3

2011-01-25T19:07:00.000-05:00

As expected, today was just another day.

I don’t believe I am writing this, but today it was a lot warmer day at -8 degrees centigrade. You really have no idea how it feels like to walk in -30, especially more so when it’s your first day and you don’t even know where you are supposed to go. I reached office on time. The lady in team invited me over to her house in the weekends and I found her very nice. She looks strong, weird and twisted but, o me she has been good. She deserves the same back I guess. And I also have a team lunch in my honor of visiting Toronto. All of it feels nice, yet embarrassing. I am really poor in handling these matters…

I came home to find my internet connection not working as expected. It took 2 calls to get it fixed. That’s a relief. My whole lot in India is sleeping as I write this and the more I think about it, the more I realize my present and where I am and why I am here and what great I am doing being here and….its endless…..it is better I stop myself going there.

Food is gradually crawling up my list of issues. It has been 4 days and I am all on MacDonald and my cup noodles and my biscuits. I wonder how long I am going to be good that ways. When you are alone and when you know that you need to save some dollars, having food outside is the last thing you would ever wish to do. So I wait for the real call to come from inside before I give in to my cravings……

My Trip to Toronto - 2

2011-01-24T18:31:00.001-05:00

Today my life started at Toronto. Till now, it was just the wait for work is why I am here. The morning started for me quite early which has never been the case with me since years or may be never before. It started at 5 Am which usually is 9 AM for me in India.

It’s strange how life differs over the time zones. While I am trying to brush my teeth and get ready, my fellow mates at India are wrapping up their Monday. It’s simple for the world rotates yet amazing for that makes lives so different. Nez…the first news of the morning was a good one and a bad one. My love starts working from 1st March instead of 1st may. That’s bad for her stay with me for 3 months before she joins work has to be cancelled. That implies a more-lonely me back when I am at India. And it’s good because she would get paid which implies my salary increases and I start getting more bucks for us to live. I now feel that it’s more bad and little good. Nothing can be a substitute than to live together when you are in a distance relationship.

It started falling snow the moment it hit the clock at 6. And it never stopped. It came to become the coldest day of the year at Toronto. It was my first day and I didn’t have the slightest idea as to where my workplace was. I started out in the snow as I felt my nose going numb……and after managing to call up my colleague at the work place and having walked more than a kilometer as I tried not to fall on the snow covered lanes and not to freeze with the cold air I was breathing in, I finally reached where I was expected. Everything can never go right for me. So, the remote desktop didn’t work out. I wasn’t able to check my mails. I did some coding as was needed for the day and started back home at 5PM. That’s really a good thing about working anywhere except India. You come on time, you don’t any shit at work like play TT or gossip around or go for long breaks and you finish your work on time to head home early. That really makes you aware of how important the work life balance is.

Oopss..…I forgot my lunch hour. My team brought boxes and so there was no one who could accompany me. It was again an adventure waiting for me. So I started out and as I asked the other fellow member in the lift, he helped me out as we talked about our work. That’s another good thing about not being in India. I don’t say that Indians aren’t friendly but that the people here are more reachable. I would have thought twice if I were to ask someone at India and would have never dared had it been a girl. Here humanity matters more. You can feel it. And it feels good. Well, amidst a hundred shops and thousand unknown faces, I decided for a roasted chicken sandwich and a diet coke. My lunch ended in 15 minutes as I watched people around and that was it.

Evening walk back to my hotel room had similar colors as the morning but it wasn’t that cold either or might be that I am getting accustomed to it. MacDonald’s has an outlet nearby and I did deserve a value meal after countless cup noodles, cakes and biscuits. I got that packed and as I write this, I am already done with my hot French fries. The burger and the coke have to wait for the dinner. I got my Skype credit charged up today. Hopefully, now I would be able to make some calls to India for cheap. And before I end my post, the last feather in my cap of Toronto would be that I finally was able to brew coffee using the coffee maker. Google is all you need when there is no help available. My first brewed coffee doesn’t taste bad, if I am to be realistic. That implies my tomorrow morning should start on a good note.

My Trip to Toronto - 1

2011-01-23T20:21:00.002-05:00

My first trip abroad has started. I travelled to Toronto for 3 weeks from where I am supposed to go to New Jersey for a week. And that is all about it. Today, I am trying to put down everything possible about my arrival to Toronto via London.

The cab to pick me up was supposed to come at 2:00 Am in the morning. As remains the case, they never turn up on time. After a customer care call and my efforts to guide the driver as to where my home was, I finally was downstairs watching him load my baggage into the cab. I bade goodbye to my roommate and in the chill, the journey begun. International section was new to me and as I was travelling for the first time, I really wasn’t aware of the process which lied ahead. I reached the airport a good 40 minutes ahead of time. After the wait, with red eyes and a light head I met the person over at the counter who checked my two luggages into the cargo and the handed over the boarding passes to me. Without any further delay, I headed for the security check and got seated in front of the gate 32 where my flight was supposed to arrive. It was British Airways and my first international flight. I plugged in the cell phone pods and tried being as much relaxed as possible. But, I failed. The tension and apprehension of what lied ahead hardly allowed me to relax which I guess was good as I didn’t fell asleep.
I had a connecting flight from London. There were many things ahead which I didn’t have the slightest idea about. Things like how much does it take to reach London, what it feels like to be seated for 8 plus hours on a Boeing and whether I would be fine having food during the flight considering that I was a nausea patient and …….well, the answer to everything is just to face it. I landed up besides a little boy and her mother. I ate all that was served. I tried sleeping as much as I could. London was waiting for me after flying for 8 hours.
Another wait started as I sat myself in the waiting arena. It was a 4 hour wait. But it was post the security check up. Compared to India, the security check up at London was pretty impressive. They didn’t take anything for granted except for my sports shoes which was no interest to them. My laptop, purse, belt, socks, bag…everything got scanned. I was carrying INR & CAD, so I tried keeping myself away from the shop nearby. Watching people usually is boring. But not when you are in a foreign land. 4 hours didn’t feel like being 4.
The flight for Canada had me sitting by the window, alone. I tried capturing as much London as I could. I can say that I loved it. The roads, the people, the climate, the surroundings, the view…they all looked great. This is what they say as being the largest city in the world. It kept me yearning for more which is a feeling I really like. These are the ones which makes you live life. Nez…my flight to Toronto was again all about dim lights, foods and occasional trysts with sleep. Another 7 hours and I saw snow for the first time. It was -18 degrees Centigrade outside. The airport too seemed to be lonely for 730 PM in the evening. The customs was a formality. I had confusions about private laptop declaration which the lady sitting at the counter helped me with. I came out, collected my baggage and called up Bloomingdale Limo service. They have a reputation of being reasonable and good. An Indian picked up, booked a cab and made me aware of the process. As I came out of gate no 29 to meet the person sitting at the prebooked counter, I tasted -18 for the first time in my life. It was cold, refreshing, clean and new. I breathed for a few minutes before I came inside and waited for my cab to arrive. Another Indian greeted me as he drove me towards my hotel. He came here 32 years back and has a child aged me and is now settled in Canada. He was all praise for the city. We shared a few words about India before he gave me his contact and waved off. The hotel, Marriott wasn’t bad either. Thankfully, my 220V adaptor worked out good for the 110 ones here. Connecting to the internet had wire and wireless as the options. My cup noodles gave me a good time during the dinner and there I was, sitting on the 17th floor watching a snow covered clean Toronto lying before me.

Its -25 today. I went out for 5 minutes and felt lucky to have come back to the hotel, alive. It was becoming difficult for me to breathe out there. I wonder as to how I am going to make it to the office tomorrow. That’s the next big thing ahead, tomorrow. Hope, things will work out for the good. Presently, it feels nice to be here. I don’t know how it would stay like that.

My New Year celebrations just got over....

2011-01-18T13:14:00.003-05:00

The New Year celebrations just got over for me. That explains where I had been these many days post my Christmas post. It was the same routine life except one additional premise which imparted a whole new meaning to these normal, routine, lame days from my life. It was my love who was staying here with me.

She was the mornings I always wanted. She was the smile I always longed for in the goodbyes and welcomes. She was the taste my buds always searched for during the dinners and the in the food out. She was the voice I always wanted to hear when I get home. She was the company I always needed when I headed out for the movies or a good time out. She was the support I always prayed for in times dark. She was the life I always asked for, in my life.

No one else had mattered. It was a proud display of arrogance on my part for I had what I always needed. Friends, family and no-idea-who-all got neglected. The same sheets, the same room, the same air, they all are here but what they used to have is what is missing today. There is no substitute or shortcut to living life in & with love..

Today, as I sit here writing this post, she is traveling back to her city to complete her course and I am looking forward to a business travel to Canada/US in the next 3 days for a month, alone. The next one month will test all that I have. The temperatures are low, I would be on my own and the expectations from me to deliver are high and I am traveling abroad for the first time. So, it’s missing your life plus the insecurities and challenges that lie ahead for me. Be it a win or a loss, it’s just another match which needs to be played. Matter of time before I am into it…..do wish me and us, luck…

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all of you.

2010-12-25T12:40:00.001-05:00

I just read my last year’s Christmas post. Last year, I wrote I was happy as I had two job offers and was serving my notice period with my employer. This year, I find that I am still looking for a job change. This time I want to go abroad and earn in foreign currency which can make my future better in India. So, basically nothing has changed. Why I didn’t do it then (what I am doing now) is a valid question and I don’t have any answers to that. If any of you has ever job hunted, probably you know then, what a big pain it is. And for the records, I have been doing all through 2010. Some year it has been. I don’t even have a count to the number of interviews I have appeared and taken too, for my firm.

It’s 25th December and I didn’t had the blast I always want to, on Christmas. I went to the church to see Christ, burned candles and came home and took my parents for dinner outside. Another year down and I still have my dream with me, untouched and pure. The dream to spend Christmas with my love amidst snow falls and freezing temperatures in some far off land amidst a lot of Santa’s…. :D

Well, with no idea when that’s going to happen, let me wish all of you once again…MERRY CHRISTMAS. And I hope Santa makes his presence felt for I still believe in his magical presence at the North Pole. All I will do now is to go out in the cold and stare at the star studded sky…it feels magical and I find myself a little more away from reality, closer to Santa….I find peace.

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My Happiness: Decoded

2010-12-24T07:08:00.002-05:00

It’s Christmas Eve and I am sitting at my room, alone. As I take a bit of a dark chocolate, I can sense that I am elated. At this point, I am really feeling good. It seems to be a perfect time to have a look at things that really do or can make me happy. Here they go…..

Chocolates and Ice Creams: For me, always a mood lifter, a welcome anytime and satisfaction guaranteed.

Nights spent outside: My night affairs with nature always gear me up. Even if it is one of the deepest lows ever, I get the zeal to jump back. The cold breeze, the silence, the darkness and the awkwardness of the hour makes me feel more in tune with myself. It has always been a mood booster.

Trip/Travel: They are fun to plan and they are the best way to unwind. Though currently I see myself doing that once a year, the target to have them quarterly. Trekking and photography are tightly bound to it and all of it always is very exciting. It’s definitely something which has kept me in motion.

Coding: It is just a 4 years old love story. But it takes me off to another vertical. I feel much more at ease and in control when I see a system or a problem in front of me that needs coding. Java is the city where we first met and it has been all love since. Nothing like a busy day at office, coding the time away.

Games: I love being a gamer. PC Games kill time like no other. They distress me and I feel creatively engaged in something heavenly and unique in a masterly skillful manner. I just love them. Period.

Electronic Gadgets: Whenever i get one, i feel atop the world. I don't have a huge set of them but i do remember the way i felt when i got my Laptop, Digital camera and Phone. Its an occasional indulgence, but worthy enough to last long.

Movies/Blogging: They aren’t a regular always welcome and that’s the reason I name them at the last. But they do have the power to dress up my mood sometimes. Movies have always been a favorite and blogging helps a lot in putting my mind in place.

That looks like a small list. They say i am materialistic in nature and may be i am. But its all of the materialism i care for. :)

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My 2010

2010-12-19T10:57:00.002-05:00

Another year comes to an end. The habit of putting in 2010 has to end soon. There won’t be another chance to re-live it. It would forever remain a special one for me. As I always love doing, let me retrospect and try revisiting all the major turns and corners of 2010.

The good ones go as below:

1. I got recruited. I got offers from multiple organizations. I successfully shifted whenever I needed to. To add more to that, I had shifted twice this year. I know that is bad. I say that is good because I ended up in one of the major Investment Banks of the world. I know where I started and I know where I am today.

2. My love got recruited. Believe me you all, this is the best part of this year. This singular fact makes me say that I am never gonna forget 2010 ever in my life. You say it’s no big deal. I say it is. I know what I was into, what we were into and what she was into. It was so big a relief; it was so much needed, it was so essential for us that I don’t even mind terming 2010 as the best year of my life till date.

3. This year gave me football. I was always crazy about it. But in the past few years, I wasn’t living and thinking it. Now I do. I always love madness. Today when I stay awake till 3 AM in the night for matches of Barcelona, I really feel good. It makes me feel I am alive. I have even surpassed my English Premier League fan-friends in covering La-Liga and Champions League. I must Seria-A and Bundesliga are in queue too. The passion for the game which the world cup ignited doesn’t seem to end.

4. I was never appreciated at work. Today I am. I have also been asked to visit US and Canada. That’s not a biggie. Well, it is. It is so new to me that I am not going to let go the feeling. I must admit that it’s very dear to me. I am not someone who can manipulate and oil people up the hierarchy. And when being the person that I am gets things because I deserved it, it deserves to be remembered.

5. I traveled a lot this year, for fun. I had been to Bhandardara, a beautiful hill station near Mumbai and Goa on an official team offsite meet. While the earlier was really crazy with all friends and love and trekking into the hills and having good time, the latter was all about boozing carefree, exquisite lodging experience and flight travels for free. Had it not been for my documents, I would also have travelled to Canada and US this year. Nez…

The bad ones go as below:

1. I scheduled my GMAT exam, forgot the scheduled date and wrongly thought it to be the next day. No one does that. These days, something pretty wrong is on with me and dates. I keep messing them all the time. I lost a good deal of money and my 2 Months. It was hard to get over it.

2. I gave up MBA. Today I can say a NO to an MBA for at least the next three years. I would have loved to do that. But I realized the hard way that I need bucks to take care of my dependents. MBA needs motivation. Motivation is the last thing you can expect of yourself when you have money and responsibilities at hand. The hour asks me to make a difference. I have to try. I had to give up on my MBA dreams.

3. At the start of the year, I moved out of a brokerage firm and got myself into a service based organization. That was a huge mistake. I should have expected bad things to happen when I am moving out of a product based firm. I got amongst people who played politics, who never cared for what I know and soon I found myself doing work which ideally suits graduates fresh out of college. I gave my days and nights for accusations and manipulative mails undermining my merit. I had to give up. I gave up in 3 months, much sooner than what I had expected. I got into a major investment bank. It was great but I did that at the cost of another organization experience on my profile and with a 0% hike. To the people who see my profile today and to me, we only understand how all of this looks today.

4. I got my parents over to stay with me. I always thought that my being the only son added to their woes and left them lonely. I was wrong. They stayed here for six months and they are worse here. They miss their place, they don’t have anyone to talk to, they feel being caged and all of it makes them behave in weird ways. So they are going back. All of this was a big mistake. I did it as I thought of saving bucks as we stayed together. I never thought that staying together was the last thing on their minds.

5. I have become possessed about money. My needs have taken care of me. I always used to be the one who joked about going abroad and my friends know how badly I hated the thought of being left alone in a far off land. I have given them nightmares with my logic and views over the same. It’s the same me which is now in the cat race of going onsite, working abroad and earning bucks. Certainly it’s not the old me anymore. The currency seems to matter a lot to me now. Staying alone doesn’t scare me anymore. I am excited and hopeful about my new thoughts but I am scared too. On the whole, I feel the change which has come in me, is bad. Who likes being driven by money?

That was 2010 for me. I always get emotional and sentimental about the year coming to an end. It always reminds me that nothing stays the same, ever. That change is the only constant makes more sense during this time of the year. But I also wonder what all of this is about. I hope that I am able to do all of this the next year too. And I wish the same for all of you too. Life is strange. As one of my favorite movie quotes go "Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you get".

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Why/How to Blog?

2010-12-18T03:30:00.003-05:00

Let me try to address the question “Why/How to Blog?”

Many are there who question the same, and many start a blog and give up someday. As I reach the 150 post mark (nothing great but feels great), I thought it would be apt to pen down a few pointers as to why we blog and how we should. Hope it helps someone, somewhere, someway……

1. A blog isn’t only about writing. There are blogs about everything that you can think of. Blogs range from photography, cartoons, movies, wines, cooking, jokes, self-learning, technology, travel, politics, current affairs, share trading, business ideas, books, games, MBA, sex stories, school days, memoirs, fashion, festivities, hobbies and anything that you can relate yourself to. The trick which makes a blog tick is to choose and blog about what you feel for. It need not be words and words only. It can be anything. It can be anything that you want to keep an online journal about. The more you fit in to this road, the longer you shall last. It’s about being YOU, online.

2. A blog isn’t about followers and comments either. When you post, mostly you love it when someone reads it and follows your posts. Comments do feel motivating and are inspiring. But even if you don’t have whole of the world with you, who has? The number you see there is just a number. Blog for yourself and you shall rule. Whenever you feel you don’t have ample readers, remind yourself, you blog for yourself. Doing it matters more than to have people seeing you do it.

3. Blog is highly beneficial. For me, a post helps me when I am high and happy and when I am low and sad. It helps me getting my mind in place. It helps me gauge my direction and the distance I have covered. It helps me question myself, my beliefs, my thoughts and my days. It engages my mind in something I call as “being creative about ME”. It feels great when I see words from my life out there in the World Wide Web. It reassures me of my presence. And above all, it is fun and satisfaction, guaranteed. On another note, I gathered information about GMAT, MBA and schools which i never thought i could. It wasn't Google. It was blogger.com.

4. A blog helps you connect. Believe me when I say this, bloggers are just awesome. I have hardly come across a blogger who isn’t being real out there. For if you aren’t being real, you can’t last. And that’s what makes this whole of blogsphere so cool, so real, so good and so true. I get a positive vibe when I visit pages. It is wonderful to sneak into the lives of people around you. You connect to souls living god knows where and share. Visit any blog placed randomly in some forum, go through the pages, hang around there and you will realize.

5. Blog only when you want. Get over that habit of posting every day. There is no compulsion. Stick to one most important motto: post only when you really want to. A blog shouldn’t be about writing something about something every day. It is also about making others know were there. It is about enjoying and experiencing all of it that is out there. Don’t forget to be a honest reader/follower, if you are.

6. A Blog is simply you. It’s expression online. So try to be “YOU” in whatever ways you can. Only you can feel yourself. Get those feelings onto your blog. Let the blog be what you are, what you were and what you can be. For example, don’t just post something about the Christmas coz everyone else is doing that. Post about what you relate to. Honesty matters most.

7. Publicize your blog, if you want to. These are the days of facebook and twitter. When the social connectivity is THE THING, it’s normal to see peers bragging/sharing/talking about their blogs. Its publicity and it does help. But not everyone. If you aren’t comfy with publicizing your pages, don’t do it. There is no rule. Being you is the rule. And the same applies to the tons of tools out there like monetizing your pages, feed burners, blogger forums, contests, do-follow blogs, blog networks etc. The point here is not to burden yourself with things which isn’t you. It may cloud you blogging experience.

8. Visit your blog. You should be your best reader and follower. If you don’t find yourself doing that, the case might be that you don’t really like what you do out there. I often visit my blog at work. It makes me wonder if all that is mine. It’s private and confidential, yet for display. And to be honest, I find my blog always the best. :)

9. Blog isn’t a necessity/compulsion. If you can’t relate to it till now, don’t blog. Having a blog just because everyone has will get you nowhere more than an additional web link that you need to log into. With life going crazy online, there might be things which are for you. An unfinished venture hurts more than the one you never started.

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Top Se7en reasons: Why DECEMBER.

2010-12-12T10:08:00.002-05:00

1. I love the night of 31st December and the morning of 1st January. The end and the start, they both make me feel very different. In India, a new year usually means no more than a night party with all the boozing and friends around. Some go on for vacations and some spend it at home with their closed ones. But for me, when I say it makes me feel different; I don’t refer to any of these. I like stopping and looking back. It always makes more sense; it enables me to see where and how I was and where and how I am today. It’s a feeling which encompasses nostalgia, memories, past aspirations and plans and dreams. It feels good and bad, alike. And it is this time of the year that makes perfect sense to be chosen over the others.

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2. I love Christmas. I am not a Christian but I make it a point to visit the church every year on this day, wherever I might be. I was operated at the age of 10 in a Christian hospital and from that very age, I am aware of the Bible, Christianity, churches and Christ. Strangely, I never find peace at a temple. I always find that at a church. It’s too personal a view but that’s how it happens with me. For others, how can you turn your back to those beautifully decorated churches, the candles, carols and jingles, the rum cakes and the star which never fails to catch attention? If you have never been to a church, be there and you will see for yourself.

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3. I proposed my love on 1st December. She means life to me. So, I am alive since December.

4. My love got her job on 10th December, this year. I cannot be happier and never have I ever been.

5. I am an Information Technology guy and my clients are almost always based in the US. This time of the year is a sure holiday for them. At my level, it means more peace at work, easy hours during the day and less burden. It is live and let live, but practical and for real.

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6. Do you believe in Santa? Whenever I tell myself, there is no Santa, I remind myself of the “Polar Express” and those countless times I have seen and heard of him. Snowfall without him makes no sense. And although it might sound childish and silly, at night when I stare up at the sky and wish it would have been falling snow, Santa fits in the best in those starry skies. So, there it is. Even though I know that he doesn’t exist, I love believing that he does.

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7. I love nights. Cold nights are the best. December guarantees that it would be the coldest. Go outside, roam around, listen to music and feel that breeze all over your face through your hairs. Its solace redefined and fulfilling.

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My love got a job.

2010-12-10T11:21:00.002-05:00

The news is just in and 10th of December, 2010 would forever be in bold letters henceforth in the pages from of life. My love got a job placement through campus and this marks a successful end to her MBA. It also marks an end to the long journey she had till today, we had till today and I personally had till today. To see this day, she had been through all that could possibly go wrong for her in all the corners of her life.

She didn’t sit for the placements during engineering because I wasn’t fine with her doing a job as I was an over possessive lover. Day by day I was becoming suicidal and things trivial were enough to put me onto depression. Still, she stayed with me through all of that and spent another two years at home trying first six months for her tuitions to work followed by a GATE preparation phase marred finally by her sudden illness and a year preparing for her MBA with all that she had left in herself. She finally made it to a college as countless nights of fights, tears, loneliness and frustration came to an end. But it was just another start. One year rolled by and for the last five months we have brainstormed about masking her almost 3 year break in career while she stayed at home. We have failed countless times with things getting worse as companies visiting her college campus refused to take her in. She got rejected several times in the final round and all we had to blame for was the gap she had. It was logical to do that. Yesterday night was no other. We discussed hours trying to look at the case from alternate options.

As I always say, destiny knows when, how and what. And none the different has it been. She finally got through today and I thank you GOD from the bottom of my heart with all that I have. Today I feel relaxed off a huge burden and guilt. I know what has happened because of me can never be compensated but still, I am happy. Today I won’t complain. Saying it once didn’t work quite well, so here it goes again. I am happy. I am more than happy. I am so happy that I haven’t read anything since I heard the news. And I am so happy that I really don’t care what happens tomorrow as I sit for my technical interview written test. And I must say, I am proud of my love.

This has been some journey.

Cheers.

It just happens...oopss..

2010-12-09T12:37:00.003-05:00

Whenever I head towards something with focus, things happen. It’s a rule which applies only to me. Over time, I have adapted myself to it and now all I do about them is to face them and smile.

On Saturday I am going to appear for a technical test for an opportunity at another Investment Bank and I have high hopes that they can pay me more. A high pay, onto the scale which I am looking out for, would solve many a problems for me. It’s another topic all together how I realized that it’s almost a year since I started looking for a change. It surely has been a year, endless nights of preparation and two companies which got added onto my profile and I am still there in the market, dreaming and trying everyday for a better paying job. Anyways, onto the story at hand, I decide to take a day off from work and prepare at home. My manager calls me up and asks to come over to work in the evening as my business head from U.S. is in the city and an all hands meet has been planned across teams which report to him. Bored with myself, I head for office, sit and hear him happily wondering about the things that are left to be read and I get a recognition award as he announces my name and in the next 20 minutes, I am told by my manager that I would be rated as an exceeding expectations candidate in the appraisal which is one month down the lane and that she has already decided the ratings. I head back home with so many good feelings. And that’s the problem I was referring to.

When you are a hopeless void (i.e. an empty black hole sucking in everything around which is not just good but all the bad too) and you try day in and day out to make things different, something which can put you off your tracks or makes you feel better is actually deceptive in nature. Staying focused and doing what you were becomes so much more difficult. That’s bad. That’s fate not playing fair with you.

Playlist 2010

2010-12-08T02:56:00.006-05:00

The year is rolling towards an end. It makes sense for a list of songs that rocked my days the whole year with an assumption that something new won’t come up in the days left and sweep me off my foot. And the list goes as below...

Just the Way You Are - Bruno Mars
Baby – Justin Bieber
Somebody to Love – Justin Bieber
My World - Justin Bieber
Need You Now – Lady Antebellum
American Honey - Lady Antebellum
Love This Pain - Lady Antebellum
Only Girl (In the World) – Rihanna
Teenage Dream – Katy Perry
Last Friday Might (T.G.I.F.) – Katy Perry
California Gurls – Katy Perry
Firework – Katy Perry
The One That Got Away - Katy Perry
Alejandro - Lady Gaga
Mine - Taylor Swift
Back to December - Taylor Swift

A special mention for the two albums which were simply amazing as a whole…..

A Thousand Suns – Linkin Park
Dark Horse - Nickelback

That summarizes the music of the year 2010 for me. :)

A NEW me.

2010-12-05T07:34:00.003-05:00

There are things in life which I want. I want to have a better life and enjoy the so called materialistic world. When I was yet to start working, I always felt that there was nothing I can’t have. That belief is still there. There are friends/people around me who often wonder if they would ever own a BMW and Europe trips at leisure. My response to them has always been a “Why Not”.

During the last few months I can see that faith in myself dwindling like never before. I am working in one of the biggest Investment Banks, I know what I do and I am better in what I do than people around me. I also earn decent bucks. Ok, to answer where the problem lies, my responsibilities are huge. And as I head towards a 30 and a marriage in coming 1-2 years, I question myself about what my friends used to wonder a few years back. It’s pain that I feel inside. I am not afraid of losing. I am afraid of not having tried.

It has been a year. Never did I have a day when I could come back home from work and enjoy myself. It has remained a relentless journey to excel and better my situation. In these four years of work, I have read more than anyone can during their four years of engineering. And all of that hasn’t gone futile. I have been lucky with interviews, jobs and employers but not with money. That defines what my problem is.

An Indian Information Technology Male who used to be onsite-hater and mock people dying to travel abroad is today seeing that as the only way ahead. I ended up at the same corners. That’s life. It always asks you to portray how badly you want things in life. Rest, in some cases only, gets taken care of.

1-12-2010 (Now a seven year story...)

2010-12-01T14:41:00.003-05:00

1st of December: A day destined to be, a day I chose to be as the day to propose my love. Seven years have passed since then. It seems long and short. I often wonder is it me. Me being the last person on this planet to stick to something, being the partly true Gemini that I am, being the ever fleeting wind and being the change lover always, is here, scoring good. But isn’t that’s what love is? It happens and when it happens, there is no denying it.

The years have not been all the rosy ones. No one ever gets all the roses only I guess. So, quite unexceptionally, the same ups and downs of which we all know about did indeed happen with us too. And like all of you, I too feel proud that we are together and it’s still “US”. This is the only thing I ever got right in my life. When the day is a long one and a bad one, as I take a break from work and call her up, I realize how tougher it could have been had she not been there for me.

Today, as I sit here writing this post, I don’t feel the need of writing anything else. Putting down anything as to how much I love her and how we can rock together and how happy we can be etc makes me wonder if it would belittle the event, its story and its importance. I just want to be together.

@GOD: Thanks...once again. :)

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The Barcelona Life

2010-11-30T13:01:00.005-05:00

My love for football is an old story. I still remember my father eagerly watching the game being played while cheering and commenting about his favorite, the legend named Maradona. I also remember the year when Germany lifted the FIFA World cup for the year 1990, those white and black colored demons who side lined every team out of their way with their saga called “Counter-Attack”. And how can I forget the color Yellow which soared so high along with talents like Romario & Ronaldo.

But that was all I knew. I was quite unaware of the other worlds named the champions league, the la-Liga, the Bundesliga and the likes. I met them as I started my job. My peers were eqully enthusiastic about the game. Names such as Liverpool, Chelsea, Manchester United and Arsenal were new to me but the passion was the same. It didn’t took me much time to pick up with others around on the happenings. But I lacked one true genre: I didn’t have a favorite to cheer for. Watching a game being neutral is the worst way of watching it. I always missed the energy, the adrenaline, the inquisitiveness, the expectation, the prayers, the songs, the feeling, the life…

Messi mesmerized me. The legend as he already is, took me off my ground as I watched him on YouTube. It had always been Argentina and Germany for me at the world cups. Even the recent one had me in tears as I watched my factory of players, Higuain, Messi, Klose, Oezil, Podolski etc head back home. The difference was, I mapped Messi all the way back and found Barcelona. Oh boy, what a team that was. They had everything, the history, the records, the players and the best of them all, they had Pep Guardiola and Messi. That marked the end of my aloofness. I finally belonged to a club. I could finally cry and smile, together….a sense of belongingness was here….

Yesterday, Barcelona played their biggest rivals, Real Madrid. While both the teams were in the top of their forms, anticipation of the game was huge. It was a tough call and as like others, I love being modest and a low profile till the final thing happens. But in India, the match was telecasted on Ten Action Plus, a channel which sadly isn’t provided by my T.V. channel provider. With a heavy heart, there I was, sitting with coffee infront of my laptop, refreshing the Live Score page every 10 seconds. After many a ones, finally it was a 1-0 for Barcelona as Xavi scored and a second one came in too in another eight minutes. There on, it was just a wait and watch for the final moment, Victory. But hardly did I knew that I was being a part of history. Barcelona won 5-0 against the so called Real Madrid and names like Ronaldo, Di-Maria, Oezil, Benzama and Morinho were capped the clowns. We had won the last four of them. This was ours biggest victory against a team which boasted of form and capacity to deliver. Having cherished all of it, I finally took a 4 hour sleep to hit back at the post-play relaying of the game today morning. It was another chance to relive the history. And the whole day seems to have been spent quite befittingly reading the articles of THE WIN all over the World Wide Web. It is months since the world cup fever is over. I got it back Yesterday. :)

A few links that you may cherish reading as i did:
Great Acievements of real Madrid

The Thrashing of real Madrid by Barcelona

CHEERS !!!

Groupless

2010-11-29T10:46:00.002-05:00

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Does it matter having a group of your own, a bunch of human heads whom you know and feel like flocking together. May be it does and maybe not.

I know myself and I am a group person. I have always been the one connecting dots from different circles and making a line move. But today, I see myself belonging nowhere. I don’t belong to any group. During my engineering days, I was a loner. I never liked the people around and vice versa. Presently, in my work life too, I am a loner. Every day, the toughest part me is to have lunch alone. Not that I don’t like interacting, but that I don’t like talking to just anyone and having a time out of it. And the people with whom I might like to, well, they seem to belong somewhere else. If I take a detailed note of my life, in a day, I talk to my love and that’s it. Why and how it is all that has become of me is beyond my comprehension.

My love says, if I am to play my preferences this way, we would never have a group. To take a case in point, my closest friend being in touch with his college mates, often plans things together. I had been invited a few times and I had declined. They all stay in the same city and I never found myself invited. If that happens for a trip, that too from my closest friend and not from others, I feel bad. She may be right but I am not wrong either.

When you plan trips and when you plan fun, you do need a group. I do love to be in a group. But should I pay for being non-responsive to people who spend years putting my existence into question, I better pay.

A Hacker

2010-11-26T15:32:00.002-05:00

Ever wanted to be a hacker? I always and shall. The beauty of this word lies in the fact that even today, the more I want to understand it, the more mysterious and vast it gets. Many often think of hackers as people with a high degree of “computerness” in them and some even perceive them as breakers who smash systems down. Well, that’s really melodramatic. The reality and gist of the term is more vast and ideal.

My understanding defines “hackers” as people who want to understand everything they are interested in, try playing with the conventions of the system that surrounds their interest and often tweak their practical object of focus and interest in a never thought of way to realize a betterment and deeper understanding. It is this deep understanding that differentiates a hacker from the mass and also quenches the so called “thirst” of a hacker. The realization of this satisfaction gained through the knowledge acquired is a motive of truly a supreme kind. And if you stare from these nooks, you would find them not only in the world of 0’s and 1’s but also all around yourself. As an example: To me, even a passionate driver who drives in the big cities might qualify for a hacker for he has mustered the roads of communication. And if he is what I think he is, I would often see a look on his face, as he discovers a new sub lane which might gain him a few minutes, and believe me, it has always been infectious.

World has always merited the hackers and shall continue to do so for their brilliance remains unquestionable. Deep down, it’s the hunger and the focus which is the real winner. Questioning the existing is the rule which rules them, as says Albert Einstein “The important thing is not to stop questioning”.

Few are those who can see with their own eyes and hear with their own hearts. - Albert Einstein

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Never Ever Ever Give Up ? ? ?

2010-11-23T11:10:00.006-05:00

Presently, if I were to replicate my situation, I would choose a dog in a boat amidst the ocean. The only way for it to survive is to hold on to itself till the boat reaches some friendly shore with time. My intellect can’t think of anything which might draw a better analogy to my life at this juncture. A curios mind may ask "WHY". It goes as this...

My love is depressed and frustrated and is badly in need for a job. And with her, I share the same concerns. The problem is that she is having a tough time for a gap she has in her career which was due to me. And that makes things as complicated as watching the movie “Inception” without the sound or the subtitles. She is down and so am I. And to make things worse, we are in a distance relationship. All your care and concerns and love are supposed to follow the protocol “cell phones”. It feels like a pain in the (whatever...take your pick), the place where it hurts the most.

I have my parents as my dependents and as I struggle harder to make things better in every possible way, their complaints and views on life still remains as a never changing weather. Nothing can make them happy. It is becoming increasingly difficult for me to stay at home. My words are often assumed as an offense, my behavior constantly criticized and monitored and my views, all together impractical. It is now like this: I am reduced to stay in my own room in my own house. I seldom go out of my room. My cell phone and Internet connection are the only channels I have for outside communication. I don’t feel like confronting them for whatever.

My job too, being the bitch life is, resonates perfectly with everything else that I have been just scribbling about. I am a 4+ years server side developer doing what a fresher out of college is supposed to do at work and I am hugely under paid considering that I work for one of the best investment banks. I often wonder why i was recruited. And on top of it, I have people in my team who are politically active, culturally racist and professionally moronic in their behavior. There seems to be no way ahead for me to rise here. I am stuck once again. It’s the same quick sand story.

On a personal front, my ambitions to get an MBA are now looking like day dreams. An MBA, the way I want it, needs dedication, motivation and a constant strive to improve on a lot of grounds and to have some substantial leadership experience which is a must needed aspect of my profile. But, being a human that I am, I am unable to muster anything to get me going. A cat not even able to go for the cat race…....

The only solace I now-a-days find is in peeing when I want to and sleeping when I feel tired. Apart from these two I don't identify with any other joy that might exist in this so called world. And I hurts the most when I remember the words...

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GMAT

2010-11-21T11:17:00.002-05:00

While I am on my way to be done with my GMAT and get eligible to write “my GMAT” story, I thought of contributing as an introduction, information which many to-be-gmat-givers may find useful as they start on this journey. I would address the most often asked questions and the best way to approach the exam and resources which are of help.

GMAT differs from CAT. This is especially for the Indians to understand. Indians consider CAT as the only examination possible of the highest caliber and often wonder whether GMAT is tougher. While CAT may be ranked amongst the most competitive examinations around the globe, GMAT is certainly tougher. The duration of the exam and the adaptive marking process makes the GMAT score more over the CAT. This is an exam which requires speed as well as accuracy, but both along with tenacity. That makes all the difference. While questions may appear from any topic randomly for a section, their difficulty varies depending on your answer and it is mostly said that even the top ACE candidates find it hard to answer 8 questions correctly in a row in the GMAT. A single question correct may get you a coveted 760 and the same one wrong may put you into the average 710 bracket. While luck does exist everywhere, a human brain usually finds it tough to focus with time. It is this aspect of the exam that expects you to perform after 4 hours, at your peak with 5 minutes of breaks in between sections, which makes its comparison with a marathon race inevitable.

Don’t refer to any GMAT material sitting out there on the World Wide Web. There are ample questions and materials available for Critical Reasoning (CR), Reading Comprehension (RC) and Sentence Correction (SC) to be more precise, but hardly the owners know what really is checked during the GMAT. The choice of topics, the language used and the concept tested are often different.

Apart from using Quant materials to increase the mathematical skills, don’t even think of using IMS and TIME materials for CAT in place for GMAT. CAT passages are often detailed and the questions refer to answers which are direct. GMAT has more variations and uses passages which are dry and often structurally different than the English we read. For the same reason, make it a habit of reading the New York Times or The Economist as a routine especially the “Opinion” section.

If you haven’t appeared for any CAT examinations before, please make sure you go through the GMAT review book available from Princeton Review. Though the book is targeted for an audience who target 650+ scores, it is the best in the market to introduce you to GMAT across all the sections. Complete it once before moving on with the Official Guide and other materials. Consider Kaplan only when you are done with your preparation and you feel a need for an extra practice and curve in your preparation. Of all the books from Kaplan, Kaplan 800 is the best and is a very good collection of tough challenging problems. The 7 books, 5 on Quant and 2 (one for SC and one for CR & RC combined) from MGMAT (Manhattan GMAT) is a must. I would reiterate the fact that a GMAT preparation is not complete unless you are done with at the least the 6 from MGMAT series. The one for CR & RC can be an exemption. Official Guide (OG) and the official guide reviews for Quant and Verbal are a must. Their importance has been stressed upon again and again in every book written for GMAT.

From a test series point of view, MGMAT seems as a sound option. Their questions are tougher than the real GMAT and give the best review analysis of your exams. The type of metrics they provide for every test you write is something you should see to believe. Giving thought on those reviews is what pushes you up the curve from a 650+ to a 700+ achiever.

Two websites in particular, Beat the GMAT and GMAT Club is of immense help. Both have a huge list of followers, varied questions get discussed during a day which is very ideal for ample practice and both have people from all the test preparation companies to help you with your doubts and preparation process. You can also view threads where recent achievers and losers discuss their plans, what worked for them and what didn’t and also the exert advice offered by the real time professionals.

Rather than going for a 6 hour or so taxing schedule for the preparation, a healthy effective focused 2 hours a day schedule can work out more in your favor. Typically, candidates need anything from 3-4 months to be ready for their target score. Starting with the GMAT exam provided by Official GMAC Website is a great way to gauge where you are and plan the way forward. Needless to say, a candidate placed at 650 at the very start of the preparation stands a better chance of soaring up to the 750+ mark, but examples of even a 200 points progress is all over. Consistency matters more. Nothing can harm you more than a 2 days break in your study plan. The plan has to be followed religiously and quality of questions should be given weight age over quantity. The same reason goes in for the fact as to why so many professionals would always ask you to keep out of the so called 1000SC, CR & RC question sets.

Review is more important than study. A day spent in review after every 6 days of study can ensure that you don’t falter in your work done till date. Keeping a track of the errors is very important and often keeping an “Error Log” is suggested. Pondering over the concept tested against the number of questions answered should be a priority. Timing of 2 minutes per CR, 1.30 minutes per SC and 1.45 minutes per RC questions is ideal. Data sufficiency is trickier than it seems and Quant often involves tricks than calculations.

That is all I can share as of now. I am yet to take my GMAT, as said already and if destiny has it, I will surely let all of you know how my GMAT journey was in a more minute detail. Hope this post was long and of use to the new GMAT-takers and feel free to comment if you need any further help.

The Social Network & Marc Zuckerburg

2010-11-21T09:42:00.003-05:00

I saw “The Social Network” today. I can’t say how much I loved it. It was the second best movie for me this year post “Inception”. The movie was a justice done to Zuckerburg’s character and “facebook” being the buzz word these days across many Asian lips, gave the required marketing and promotion. I always love movies which are based on the generation greats and the hackers and the coders and the ones who changed the way the world would have been and is. I didn’t know that Zuckerburg ditched his best friend and that the idea behind facebook wasn’t solely his own. But I also didn’t know that he coded up the impossible and hacked into the Harvard systems and got 22000 hits for “facemash”. I can’t help but salute his prowess and the coding genius in him.

There are people who say that facebook isn’t going right with privacy and that many a features as suggested over a course of time are yet to be implemented and new features get added without any notification system caring about the users. They all are right. Post the movie, many who are now aware of the way facebook was formulated, do blame Zuckerberg’s actions. They are right too. But what all of them forget while holding Zuckerberg accountable is that he might have done something which was someone else’s idea but he did it in a way which no one ever could have done. Isn’t that what we all consider as the act of the master? Google’s “GMAIL” wasn’t the first mail provider over the World Wide Web. They became the market when they came up with a new world for mails and that’s what made Yahoo and Rediff pay. Skype wasn’t the first voice calling service available but that’s what we all are turning towards with Yahoo messenger and Rediff bol and Gtalk still hanging around. Often, the master is the one who walks the same path but with difference. Zuckerburg might have travelled the faulty ways to reach where he is today, but that’s not all about what he is. There is more to it. While you choose to consider the other half, make sure you do give him the half that’s his own. Be fair.

And when he flips his card which reads “I am the CEO, bitch”, I can’t agree less.

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Marriages

2010-11-16T11:04:00.001-05:00

Everyone is getting married. Everyone eventually does. But when you see everyone around, going for it, that’s when you realize that someday you are going to be that everyone.

I still don’t understand marriages and more so when it’s a love marriage. It always looks to me as a social mandate than a personal fulfillment. Nothing changes after marriage. We love each other, we believe each other, we know and understand each other, we fight each other and we can/can’t stay with/without each other. None of it changes with marriage. Then why the marriage…?

Of all the reasons that I have come across the most popular one’s have been “it enforces faith, togetherness and security of a relationship”, “it is a social ritual”, “it takes one to be old to realize it’s true meaning” and “it is necessary as at least my parents or my partner wants it”. Read each of them carefully. The more you dwell on them, the more you feel like they all imply the same message: marriage isn’t necessary, it’s just a habit. If a social ceremony is going to get us the faith, the bondage and the security of my relationship, I don’t belong to this century. If a social ritual is what I have to care about, I would like to see how the society cares about me after my marriage or has been caring about me. If I need to grow old and realize the true meaning of marriage, I better die than waste my years waiting to understand something at an age when I am supposed to lose majority of my brain power for understanding. If all I care about is my parents and my wife, I should do it, but I also deserve a fair explanation for the act.

Some other reasons that I came across are “it’s a singular lifetime occasion to celebrate” and “it’s a dream”. For the former I would like to say that just as a mortal is unable to stop himself/herself from marriage, no one would ever stop him/her from such multiple occasions. When someone gets married, I always see the people who attend being happiest of the lot. They come, they enjoy, they eat and they leave. No where on earth can you get a better deal. As for the latter, I wonder how the celebration of an occasion can be dream. The word “dream” gets belittled when you use it for marriage. The occasion is that of union and getting together and being bonded and love is what it amount to and you already have it. Love as a dream sounds ideal and real. Marriage as a dream sounds as a one-liner motive explanation of some marriage organizing committee. “Wish” would have been more apt.

I am not aware of any other reasons as to why people marry. If anyone of you knows of any other reasons as to why marriage is so huge a necessity, please chip in your comments. I would love to enlighten myself…..

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Me & MBA

2010-11-12T04:58:00.002-05:00

I became an Engineer without a thought. Becoming an engineer here is easy and has remained the preferred choice for graduation as all that is required from you to get the degree is to fill up the examination forms. With a sea of colleges at your disposal, getting into an engineering stream isn’t hard at all. This country has a place for you as an engineer and you are at your own will to grade yourself as either the high scorer or the mediocre or the below average slow minded.

Once you are an engineer, the case that often takes shape is that you end up in Information Technology: the country’s biggest job market. Irrespective of your stream, IT offers you the chair. Often people lack guidance, vision and understanding of what and why they are doing during their engineering days and a job from welcome-all industry can hardly be overlooked. Being an Electronics & Instrumentation engineer, I ended up in IT too and today, I am a software developer quite proud of my technical skills. A matter of joke/shame that still remains is that till today, no one ever asked me “What is a Process control?”, something basic of my engineering stream. Neither did I ever bother about it.

The way forward into the top bracket of management or a fat salary or a role of your choice with challenges that you may be ecstatic about brings before us another often pursued engagement: an MBA. Though I always felt that this country needs a break from the huge crowd of MBA’s that graduate every year, today I find myself in the same race. Unarguably a rat race, my expectations of myself has never been the less. I expect myself to make it into one of the top 20 MBA schools across the globe. Feel free to hit the LOL or a ROFL status. :-)

I am a huge reader of blogs and I really feel blogs do make a huge difference to this world. As I scanned through 100+ blogs of MBA aspirants of the past, I can’t help but feel their pain. The journey which lies ahead is an uphill task. It’s one which even might not have a destination. And as I start upon this road, I am scared and at wits end to justify myself and my actions of the past. I have always been someone without a plan. Today, a plan for everything needs to be chalked out. This sudden shift from my comfort zone and my gears have left me wondering if this blog would also add onto those numerous ones which ended up being an MBA-journey blog.

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Toastmasters & Me

2010-11-07T01:45:00.004-04:00

Going to clubs alone for the first time doesn’t feel nice. Someone by your side always feels better. But not every time people around you share what you might be interested in. In those cases, venturing alone is the only option.

I had heard of Toastmasters a lot. I had read about it all over the blogs. And if you are one of those souls who are dying for an MBA and know what profile building is all about you better go and read about it. It’s a non-profit organization that targets improvement in your elocution traits. You also get to know a lot of people, you get to know how your body language is, how your eye contact is while you are speaking and you also get an opportunity to do something somewhere where there are no bars. It runs on the “everyone learns from everyone” model. Typically, they meet twice a month. Every meet has three sections: prepared speeches (people give prepared speeches related to their level before everyone and their assigned reviewer), impromptu speeches (people are randomly chosen to speak for 2 minutes on any topic decided upon) and review session (the reviewers discuss a critical analysis of their assigned speakers’ speeches and suggest as to whether they cleared their level). For those who find 2 hours a long stretch, they do break in between for 10 minutes for snacks.

It was nice out there. Although being there for the first time, they didn’t make me feel the same. I felt pretty much a part of the group. People are nice, eager learners who work hard to achieve and prove their cause for their presence perfectly. It is inspiring and a lot is in store for people eager to master the art of speeches. Personally, I am not a public person and I do share the same cold feet as others. I went there with no decisions made and tried exploring what they do and what it is all about. I am convinced now that it would be great to join them. But before I do that, I need to ask myself more about it. With me, things always start but sadly, they just start. I never reach the end. To reach the end is what I am looking for this time.

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My Winter Trip: Canada

2010-11-05T13:20:00.003-04:00

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The current cloud on my mind has “Canada” written all over it. Ideally, if you are working in IT in India and you have 4+ years of experience and you haven’t visited the US/Other lands, people often conclude effortlessly that something is wrong with you.

I had the opportunity to become sane and belong to the common crowd, thrice. But I didn’t have a passport. It took me a big 7 months to get that. And when the fourth opportunity came for me to go abroad, recession became a hero. I never died over these as I never felt the urge to go.

Today I need bucks. Love for other lands and foreign currency is growing day by day. I seek a good 4-5 years abroad. With no idea how, I am asked if I would be fine for a month’s trip to Canada during Nov-Dec months at work. I aimed for years and I got a month. I asked for options, tried declining, stated issues and failed. I had to be there. I was required for a server side change to the application which has to be done before the Christmas. A chaotic 10 days followed until I submitted my passport for VISA approval yesterday.

The wait begins. The wait for something I am not interested in. No one is sure if a VISA to Canada is possible this sooner. But if it is, I am really scared about quite a few things. Firstly, Money: I wonder what good would I make out of the heavy winter clothes I would be buying for my travel once I am back to India and I am staring at a big shopping list. Secondly, Winter: Of what I have heard, I am lost as to how I would survive those freezing temperatures. My body never works well with cold.

Apart from a good exposure to my Canadian counterparts, I am at a loss to figure out any other good that this trip might do to me. Being opportunist isn’t easy.

Fever

2010-08-23T13:30:00.002-04:00

I am having fever and had to take a break from work. And being sick makes you long more for the loved ones. So, I missed her badly today. There were many a moments when I just wanted to be lost somewhere with no one to track us without any idea of where we were. But, I had to satisfy myself with my mobile as she tried spending as much time as she could have. I still don’t know whether I will be good tomorrow morning. But I better be as a trip planned after two weeks is on the cards. I have got my manager approval and don’t want to be absent from work before that. An interesting fact that i would like to mention here is that this is the first time i am taking an off from work since the past eight months. That seems huge...LOL

Tomorrow Hindus celebrate a festival known as “Raksha-Bandhan” which basically is meant to highlight the bondage between a brother and a sister. Sisters tie a thread termed as “Rakhi” on the wrists of their brothers. Since childhood, I was unaware of the intricacies involved as I am a single child. And I never had any sisters. I had friends and that was enough for me. But over time I have encountered many a ladies whom I would like to term as “Chance-Sisters”. These are the people who cropped up at different phases of my life and have considered making me a bro’. They tied the thread on my hand and time has always removed them. Whatever be the reasons, they never have come back. Even today i have a "Rakhi" with me which i need to wear tomorrow. I will do that for the sender believes in such things. But really, for me, its just a thread and A thread can never mean bond a sister and a brother in a relationship. People who matter to each other, as brothers and sisters, surely feel it and that’s what matters. Still wonder why to have a festival in place except the fact that many a people get a holiday……..

Finally...

2010-08-22T14:12:00.004-04:00

The best part about today was that I kept my word and went to the GYM. As I have never said that before and I am back after a long time, I have started hitting the GYM. It began getting impossible to get over my shapes. They kept on growing. Though people had been saying since years, I never really do something with whole of me unless am convinced enough to feel the same way. It has been two weeks or a bit more. And, believe me; I can feel things happening to my shape. My love played a great part in helping me with a lot. She is on the same quest and she had some valuable advice which I couldn’t help following. We often discuss GYM now a days and I do text her and one of my friend about the number of calories I lost on the cardio program. One thing which often becomes a problem for me is that once I am at the GYM, I am no longer the same Garfield fan and I end up spending as much as 3 hours on some days. I love sweating and feeling the muscles pain. That gives me a satisfaction of having done something worthwhile and the best part comes when the next morning, I feel a bit of pain in those same muscles. That’s typical of me. But it is also a thing I love about the GYM. That is all about the two and half hours of my life….four/five times a week……these days…

Me and the GMAT Episode -1

2010-08-21T12:32:00.003-04:00

Hey all…It has been long. All I remember is that I stopped blogging because I wanted to focus on my GMAT. And as has always happened with me, I often fail the first time. This time I didn’t fail but I had to quit.

I was 100 points below my expectations on the tests that I gave and as was suggested by the experts of the subject that I needed another focused study, refreshing everything and pinning down my exact weak areas and blah blah…so I log into the GMAC website to cancel my exam and postpone it for two more months. It was supposed to cost me $50 for a cancellation but instead I saw it charging me whole test fee amount. I stopped and rechecked to see the same thing happen again. Searching for the test cancellation FAQ’s got me the fact that I needed to cancel an exam sitting at least 7 calendar days before to be charged $50; else GMAC would charge me whole of it. It was 3rd AUG and my exam date was 9th AUG. I missed it by 24 Hours. DAMN ME!!!

After a lot of effort from my side, support from my love and with words of encouragement from friends I decided to take on the exam and rebook another sitting later to attain my dream score. It felt logical to face the real exam once. My brain had it embedded deep that the test was on a Tuesday. So, on the Sunday, I went with my friend to check out the Pearson test center. On Monday I went to work thinking about the leave that I was about to take the following day for my test and when I came back home, I realized that it was the 9th AUG. I had screwed up the exam date too. Seriously, everyone is welcome to screw me verbally for this. DAMN DAMN ME!!!

That’s it for the GMAT. I screwed up everything about the test. But I am not yet done. I am at it again. Let’s see how it goes this time.

A Story...

2010-06-29T08:05:00.003-04:00

Today I will tell you a story about a person who has nine years of working experience and is presently my onsite coordinator. Be seated, have patience and bear with me as I try to unfold before you a serious case of genetic malfunction:

To start with, he is presently at US and his wife called him yesterday and since he didn’t pick up the phone, the call got auto forwarded to my friend sitting here at India as a part of or offshore team. Yeah, my friend’s number is set on his handset as an auto forward option. That can give you an idea of how frequently he calls us. While US calls are common and almost an essentiality in IT, here we are dealing with a calling maniac. He feels comfortable being on call and we spend four-five of our working hours with him. As for the details of the call, well, better let’s not go into all that. I say that because whenever he fails to get what we are saying or explaining, he would say “I think I am doing too many things at a time…give me some time”. He is a person with a skill set of 2/10 in core java and believe me, fresher’s out of college come with at least 5/10 expertise. That is where his nine years becomes questionable. So, amidst all this when you try to communicate and work with him, you will often find him doing an FTP to move a log file from the server to his machine and when you ask him why, the answer comes “I thought it is a java file yaar”. Only a blind can have that freedom. Even a fool looking onto a system is able to make out a “.txt” and a “.java” file extension. And as to why he expects a java file sitting under a log folder is beyond the capabilities of human logic to understand or reason. Now, when you try to answer his queries, as he shoots at you all possible combinations of “How & Why” before his call with managers, he often maintains “I am better when I see code…logs doesn’t make much sense”. So, you move on to explain him the code and in the process all you deal with is his simple innocent futile foolish dumb basic java fundamental questions. If you make him realize that he forgot something or misunderstood something which he had said earlier he prefers saying “You can ask me as many times you want and I can ask you about the status of work as many times as I want. I don’t know why you are asking me the same thing again and again”. If you set up a call with him and your manager in loop, he maintains “I don’t want to waste time on call with managers”. As to his performance, he is giving us a single SQL select query for the last two months and he still isn’t able to complete and get us the final one. The query changes every two days and without testing it, he would send it to us via mail and ask us to test it. He often displays a high incapability to understand questions too. Like when my manager asked him about the final date by which he would be able to complete his SQL query, he replied “this query is supposed to pull all the data based on a date”. He feels power in making us work on weekends, quite pointlessly though. He maintains “our project is in a red state..we need to put in efforts to make it go to a yellow/green state”. And he is proactive enough to send a mail asking offshore to work even if there is no work to be done. Since I have put down my papers, I refused to do so and he was quick in sending out two escalation mails highlighting the fact that he isn’t getting the needed support from offshore. He would often comment about this to my friend as “If he had been under me, I would have taken good care of him”. He is supposed to understand the business requirements and communicate the same to us. On the contrary, he is busy feeling a lead and someone who watches over us and inspite of several mails, long hour calls we have failed time and again to make him understand the very same requirements which he was supposed to understand and communicate to us. Before the start of the project, we highlighted a couple of issues that we may ran into while moving to production and he gave all of it a deaf ear. Now, he is asking the same things and wants us to own the whole show and explain as to why these were not highlighted earlier. Any efforts to make him realize as to the fact that these were already highlighted gets us a response “see, I can very well remember that I have never heard any such thing” and any effort to get to a solution gets us a reply “u guys have the code yaar…you are supposed to tell me what has to be done but ideally you should have told it to us long time back”. As for a mark of his individuality, he spells "Google" as "Gugul".

Well guys, this is him. There is so much more to say about him. He is a genetic malfunction born to exemplify fools with dumb brains and is here to stay and make life miserable. These are the kind who makes things difficult and pose real challenges during the lifecycle of a project. My four years of experience rates him as the worst that I had ever seen or heard of before. This makes me wonder the quality of product and commitment these companies and clients are now a day’s fine with. And if you are from US, well, beware if you work in IT…you may come across him one day and if you are reading this, you will be the first one to identify him with perfection. And, he is enjoying the so called glorious much wanted heart throbbing “Onsite”. LMAO.

WC 2010.....a dream...

2010-06-27T14:21:00.002-04:00

I was unable to get up in the morning and we missed our plans for the trip. We had plans to bunk the night and start early in the morning. But my study plans are keeping me asleep during the night. I tried putting in as many hours I could for my GMAT preparation. I struggled though, a lot with my focus. It gets difficult to give away your limited weekend hours to studies when you always know how bad Mondays are. I somehow managed an average pace. The most remarkable event of the day was however Germany beating, sorry, thrashing England out of the WC. I am in for GER & ARG and it’s sad that they would meet in the quarters. Anyways, ENG deserved the loss. It is high time they start thinking of as a team. And pace and agility is something they always need to learn from the German team. The Germans are probably the best European soccer team ever in the history, all through. But when it comes to Argentina, it’s the “Messi” factor which makes me set a 60-40 priority. Nez…hope things sway in my favor…when they meet…I just hope that the best one goes ahead and it does win the WC this time. To see your team win WC is a dream. I would count it as one of my gifts of life.

Throwing off the rust..

2010-06-26T04:11:00.002-04:00

Life has become rusty. As the loop runs, with the same set of operations, I am tiered mentally as I fail to apply myself at my purpose. Parents are now staying with me and my friend. As for my parents, they seem to be the way they were except that they are feeling a bit bored now. They don’t have people who belong to our caste and are skeptical about the ways the IT world behaves and functions. Apart from that, my friend deserves big thanks for the way he has adjusted himself to such an arrangement is marvelous. Life now has more visits to local stores and grocery woes have increased. Every morning has an added responsibility to check if anything is required at house. It is still a care free mad world except the fact that the madness is now configurable and can be switched on/off whenever we want. Yes, over time, after having been involved in numerous feats of extreme madness, we have been able to tame it. Well, after a long time, we have planned a trip to Bhongir, a nearby fort of the famous Kakatiyas dynasty. Plans are to drive till there and trek and enjoy nature till evening. Nez….it is getting late for me to go the new flick “The A-Team”…will be posting the pics tomorrow.

Lets Sleep

2010-06-25T04:41:00.001-04:00

They are so heavy. They are coming down. It is such a pain to keep them apart. It’s kind of funny, the way world looks right now. Everything seems trifle and futile. A shadowy era in front of me makes me realize that I don’t want or need anything. All my hunger to grow or to evolve or to survive can sleep for the time being. I am in no hurry. Something inside whispers to me and asks to let things go. Never did it seem so easy before. There is pain and yet, it has the pleasure. My mind is going slow. I can see myself through the lanes stacked with to-do of the day. They can all wait. They have to. I had seen all this coming. I was intentional in letting it happen to me. It’s peaceful and human that I am, sloth isn’t uncommon to me. I am sleepy. I am about to sleep. And to let you know something, quite proudly though, I am at office. It is time for my afternoon nap needs to be getting fulfilled duly. Lets sleep…

Its pissing..

2010-06-23T06:15:00.000-04:00

At work, I am trying hard not to do anything. Some people get it but never me. Peace at work and a smooth project with an understanding client have always eluded me since four years. For giving all of you an understanding of the position am in, I have put down my papers and thought of it as the right time to prepare myself for the GMAT as I have two months notice period with me. As if by miracle, the day I booked my dates for the GMAT, work started becoming hectic. The slope is ever increasing and I am ending up being at office for more than twelve hours. All my preparations have gone for a toss. I am always bad at saying “NO” and it’s the need of the hour. Nez, as my friend and love pointed out correctly, bigger things are at stake this time. This post is one of those efforts to stay away from work and not to get involved in the activities going on around. Internet is the only thing that sparks a fire when I am at office with such intentions. Sadly, I am in no mood to read anything today. I give a damn even if Germany looses today to Ghana or another minister gets killed. I am dead. To wait for the day to end so that you can come back and read and to repeat the whole of it every day is a real pain in the A**. Right now, that’s what I am going through…..

Happy Birth Day To ME (16.06.2010)

2010-06-16T13:18:00.000-04:00

I was born today. It’s the day of bumps and cake-faces. Sadly or luckily, I escaped both. As I sit here, at office, there is no one around who knows about it except my manager who is on leave. And as I have mentioned countless times before, something happens to me on my birthdays. This birthday was probably the dullest ever. Nothing strange, unique, sad or exciting happened. That doesn’t make me sad. I don’t know what makes me sad. On a different note, I sometimes feel that I am not a living entity. I love memories of life more than I love life. Nez..this is my space and I haven’t wished myself yet. Happy birthday to me.

A Choice.

2010-06-11T05:37:00.001-04:00

I am just being selfish and I chose to be that ways. Bigger things are at stake this time. A 100% commitment to the organization after you have put down your papers is always difficult. In the past, I have done that just to fight my guilt and to be decent in my exit. But this time, my GMAT exam is at stake. Considering that my academics are average, I am in desperate need to ace it. My failing in doing so will cost me a year and may be a drop of my plans to do MBA. Re-appearing the exam also doesn’t fit in as an option as I am already in a huge debt. My credit card is screaming at all time high levels due to the numerous needy swipes it has encountered.

So, my dear colleague and friend, I am really sorry for doing this to you. I know I have starting neglecting my work to leave a bit early and have been shunning away from responsibilities. But staying till two in the morning and slogging for a person who doesn’t even care if I had my dinner or is not capable enough to make out what it takes to put in twelve hours of work, makes me feel real bad especially more so when I know I am running on my last chance. You aren’t aware of my issues but I hope that you will try to understand me and behave with maturity. I have done my part in making you understand the consequences of your decision to stick out here. That is the most I could have done to show you how deep the waters are. I also gave you a helping hand to pull you out of it.

Eight Months

2010-06-09T15:21:00.000-04:00

It feels so good to be back to blogging. If you ask me what kept me away, its issues at work and not the work in itself. Gradually over the years I have become a person who now firmly believes that if you don’t get what you want, go and get it. The moment you decide to wait for it, a few moments pushes you back the queue significantly. I was denied a promotion. I was denied a project of my skill set. An organization which I still feel is one of the best around in terms of almost any parameter that I can think of, sadly, offered me my skill set assignment I was looking for once I resigned. Although they ended up promoting everyone, they failed to even commit ten percent on my promotions. Considering the fact that I was a near to excellent performer as per my ratings for consecutively two years, nothing swayed my way. I left and landed onto a place where a even bigger pit was awaiting me. I didn’t get what I was promised, neither on the pay terms nor on the work front. Now a day I am working with people having ten years with them and still, they sound, behave and talk like a fresher out of college. It’s back to the old corporate jungle of politics, racism and undervaluation of one’s efforts. I am leaving again.

That I got through one of my dream orgs and how all of it happened is another story. Even if they didn’t pay me a hike, I still feel good about joining them soon. If you ask me why, it’s just not the dream that makes me say so. It also has a lot to do with the culture which I strongly feel and can sense have always remained a big concern of mine. I can’t work for/with fools. I learnt something which I must say applies to all of you who work: Work at a place where majority of the people know better/more than you. The eagerness to learn is infectious. If you have the hunger, which can’t always be self driven for long on a lonely island, you will enjoy the food. The hungrier you are, the tastier the food is.

And now, it seems a perfect opportunity for me to go back onto an unfinished journey which I left midway. After two organizations and two resignations, several interviews and eight months of job hunt, it’s time for me to devote as much as I can, of my time, towards GMAT. My date is booked for 9th August, 2010 and thanks to my love for that. She rightly identified the procrastinator in me and pushed me for it. Hopefully, this would mean an end of an era which was the most disturbing ever for me in my four years of work experience.

I was never a career oriented guy. Today, I feel I have become one. Time makes strange things happen.

Past & Me

2010-04-29T15:10:00.001-04:00

Moving ahead with life anticipating what lies ahead is something I have always been unable to connect with. They say that people who look and plan ahead are the ones who really reach somewhere. Strangely though, I have always looked behind and have been able to move ahead. And I have ample proof to say that I have not lagged behind. My journey till date might not have been one of the success stories you read about but it is certainly not a fail-tale either. I always get a strange power within when I look back and analyze and try reliving my past. Be it the one with the smiles and sunshine or be it the ones with all gloom and rain in the world, I always find myself lost in those lanes, quite happy. Reliving them in my mind and soul not only gives me the power to face tomorrow, it also gives me the power to laugh at fate and accept the power of destiny and time. Those memoirs are and shall always remain dearest to me.

Today, I stand at another corner of my life. Today is my last day at this apartment. From tomorrow, I will be moving in to a new house with my friend. Simple and common…..Isn’t it? Yet, it is a big day for me. As I sit here writing all of this, I can still remember how I came here. It was four in the evening and we hadn’t been able to find a rented space and the next day we were supposed to vacate our flat. We got this one through one of my friends. We didn’t like it at all but we didn’t have a choice. The next day was one of the longest and toughest days I ever had. It took me fifteen hours of hard work and fight to finally get a bed to sleep at four in the morning, the one on which I am presently sitting on. I was so tired; I wasn’t able to sleep for hours. And today, all of it has changed. The people around, the bonding with the ones I was staying and the ones with whom I am supposed to stay, my personal life, my career path, my pocket, my choices and my priorities. This change, which is almost always unavoidable, makes me sad and happy. I am happy for I am better today. I am sad for a phase of my life stays here. From tomorrow I would never be here again. I won’t have this roof over me. It won’t feel the way it feels now. From tomorrow, this night and this house and these last hours in this house will remain inside me and become my past, a part of me I always have cherished.

The day isn’t far when I will be crossing these roads and the localities around on my way to some place and I will try to feel and think of how it was in here and what all I got and lost during my stay. Many who know me say, I get way too nostalgic and some feel, I am a fool of present living in the past and some opine that I overdo things. They might actually be correct. All I can say is that I try to gather as many memories as I can. Feelings, moments and people…aren’t they all that life is about? Just because I am done with all of it doesn’t mean I will let go off them so easily. They happened to me. They are a part of me. I am not dead with what I have today. I shall die with all of what I had too.

A sad tale of many a weeks.....

2010-04-25T15:22:00.001-04:00

A few weeks back my job search was spoiling my weekends and now it’s the house hunting. While my job search has put me into a dead end wherein I am waiting for an offer letter from one of my dream organizations for the last three weeks, my house hunting has finally paid off today. After daring the summer heat from ten in the morning till three in the afternoon on the last two weekends, soaking ourselves in tons of cold drinks and water bottles, we finally got the space we wanted. Though we have declared ourselves to be the so called “family” instead of “bachelors” believing in the plan that my parents would come and stay with me and my friend, we still need to make that happen. Here the way a house hunting works is you see a “To-Let” board and walk inside and the first thing that comes towards you is a question; “Are you are a family or bachelor..?” Their concern as the owners is understandable but just because I am a bachelor doesn’t imply that I believe in thrashing my landlord’s place and creating havoc at night with booze parties and spread unnecessary unsocial clutter. It would be a risk that they would be taking but they could rely on other means to make sure that their worries are ours. It felt as if I am sinner if I am a bachelor. And even if you don’t want us for we are bachelors, at least you can get some manners in your talks to make a point. That isn’t the case either. I don’t have the power to choose my landlord’s nature and behavior. Wish I had that. The way you speak to people, even more so when you are talking to people you don’t know, speaks a lot about your family and culture and mannerisms. Isn’t that what you seek when you plan to go for families for renting out your space? In near future, I guess District 9 would become a reality for the bachelors. While many deserve it, a few like us don’t. And there is no system in place that I can prove my uniqueness. Whatever…..i am done with all this. Next in line is packing up my stuff and settling over at the new place. And guess what? It is supposed to happen on the coming weekend. Arghhh….all my weekends are getting spoiled with all the Mondays unperturbed. :(

Morning Dilemma

2010-04-19T15:00:00.001-04:00

Going early to office is not that bad and I have my own story to tell. As is always the case with me, my eyelids remain half closed even after I have brushed my teeth, washed my face, had coffee and taken the bath. Every day, I hang in the mid-air at the front seat by the auto driver trying the best out of my hands, with the other commuters looking to see how dearly I love my life and want to be alive. Girls always take the back comfy seat and daily, I listen to different voices swearing, gossiping, claiming, sharing, laughing, complaining and GOD knows what not. But surely, it turns out to be the last thing you would expect someone to talk about that early in the day. And my mind enquires, what are these people made of? Morning, wind and silence go so well all together. It stays a morning and the wind flows by and if only I would have had silence…….

One of my biggest motivations to go to office early and leave my bed, sad and desperate to have me again is my morning coffee at the IT park garden right after my morning onsite call once I reach office. It is the transit time when I get the freedom to start the day by cursing my lead and wishing all the bad that I can for my manager. It is only then that it feels that I am at office and I am ready for the day ahead and the sleep in me fades away. And after having five such mornings comes the best one, the Saturday morning when I have all the time to make it up for the lost. But after five weeks, with immense sadness, I would like all of you to know that I don’t feel that sleepy in the mornings on the weekends. It’s the weekday that creates the want and the need…. :(

Not fair :)

2010-04-18T13:17:00.003-04:00

That I wrote things positive in my last post and went out to have dinner with my love and friends and my love lost her mobile and we searched a lot to get it back without any luck is tough for me to forget. Not much that I can do there. :(

Yesterday morning till three in the afternoon and today morning till two in the afternoon, all of it went to search for a rented space. I and my friend will be staying together and we need to move out before the first of the next month. Weekends are all we have. Sadly, heat and soaring temperatures are also a big part of what we have. I could see the surprise even in the eyes of a stray dog as we were going to take a look at a nearby apartment with the brokers at two in the afternoon. Well, he never can really understand the meaning of staying together and that too at one place in something we call a house.

My mother has been detected with high sugar levels in blood and my father isn’t doing very well either. It seems like I will be moving in with one of my friends soon to a fully furnished two bed room house back at the locality where I had spent more than a year of madness. A quick thought which I am considering now as a solution is that I make them stay here with me and my friend. He doesn’t need much space either. His days are all about T.V. and his mobile calls to his love. Most part of our time during the week is spent at office and we would be having a few hours at night everyday and mainly the weekends. We don’t mind having them around for a movie too. My major concern is whether they will be fine with such an arrangement and if they would find it good being here. Time holds the future and the answer to all my concerns and all that has already been written down in some unknown book hidden somewhere. All this isn’t fair guys. They have laid down everything named future and it’s all about us and we are not supposed to know it. The rules should have been like they have it written down the way they have it now and we get to know what happens next (or the supposed to be ‘future’) and we try to change it all and if we fail, we get what’s written and if we win, we change the course and from there on, the future gets re-written again for us. Nez…..that’ all for now…but do think about the rules part…..all this surprise and unknown stuff is ok but they aren’t fair.

It's New

2010-04-17T11:43:00.001-04:00

My days are going on pretty well these days except the heat of summer. I am learning to swim and my four day presence hasn’t gone to waste. I am becoming comfortable with water gradually. It feels fine now to exhale inside water and when it’s dark outside, water doesn’t scare me that much. I am confident enough to freely move around the pool with a little support these days. On the flip side, I am playing Dragon Age: origins, which is unarguably the best RPG of 2009. It has been a long time that I felt like completing one I started. You have to play it to see how detailed and near to perfect the work is and what a great work the guys have come up with. Though sometimes I feel bad that I don’t have enough time to play it daily and my work timings are the one to blame. And lastly, I have cleared all my interview rounds with one of the largest banking concerns in the world and I am eagerly waiting for the offer letter to come. I am meeting my love everyday and she is here to stay for another month. Now I can hold her hands and see her smile whenever I want to. One of my best buddies is back to the city and here to stay. Now I can have my nomadic mad night life again on the streets. But apart from all these, I have many a bad things going on too. But since I am just back from swimming and one can always choose, I prefer not going into those lanes as of now. Happiness is so short lived. Let me try to live it as much as I can for those tensions and depressions are never far from me......

Fear of Fear

2010-04-13T15:10:00.001-04:00

I daily get up at seven in the morning. Believe me when I say that it is a record. My work timings have changed drastically from what was zero to a one. I am at my desk by eight thirty and my day ends by six. There are no more night outs at office and there is no afternoon travel to work. Though I am yet to adapt to this new way and it is almost a month down, I am finding it good. It leaves me with good enough time to relax and do my stuff. The heat is the only thing which is taking the better off me. But it is not that I haven’t tried something new amidst all of this. I tried to swim. I always had the fear of water. A shower is good enough to make me feel drowned. So you can well guess what would have happened when I entered the pool. It is of normal depth i.e. 5 Feet and five inches deep, and comes up to my chin, but is surely masterly in overpowering my will. One thing I realized is that walking in the pool is really a nice affair. It feels very nice. And on the second day when I was feeling one of such feelings the instructor forced me to jump into the water thrice and I gulped in three glasses of water. I was panting and the sudden change of my role didn’t allow me to even think of what I had just taken inside. I had been there to learn swimming thrice in the last two weeks and it still stays the same. I am unable to face my fears and I am feeling so bad about it. I want to make the count four and more but every day, as the clock hits six, I somehow manage to get a reason to escape my fear. It might be that the only way to surpass and face it all is to accept the way I am and then go and take a plunge. And that is what I am doing here. Yes, I am scared of water. Yes, jumping into the pool is even scarier. And yes, tomorrow I shall go and learn to stay scared. Wish me luck!

Summer '82 - Summer '10

2010-04-12T14:00:00.001-04:00

“Summer”……the frames from childhood days are still clear and deep set. We used to have two mango trees. One was in the backyard, the bigger one and the desi one. It used to bear the fruit in galore. All through the afternoons you can hear the ripe ones falling down. I used to rush out with a screaming cautious caring mother behind me on her heels to protect me from the warm summer winds known as the Loo. But, what used to be on my mind was always the black crow, sitting up in the branches, my competitor. And also fresh are those nights, when I used to sit with my father, outside in the garden lawn watching the stars amidst the cool air flowing by with the summer flowers all around us. And how can I forget those morning cuckoos when I used to go cycling to the mountains to try out some summer adventure. Then there used to be the “summer vacation”..the vacation…..which kept us going all through the year at school…..stuffed with all that I like. It was simple. It was a carefree world. It was freedom. It was the joy of expression. It was my faithfulness to me and my soul. It was all about being me. Those days were undoubtedly the best summers of my life. The more I grow with years, the sweeter they seem to get.

Today, the “Summer” is no fun. Today my summers are all about suggestions. Sometimes it is me suggesting my roommate to mimic me and put all the clothes inside the fridge and wear them after sometime or sometimes it is him suggesting me to hug three chilled bottles of water to get a feel of being alive. In-house activities are now centered mostly round the fridge and thankfully, I don’t have to share my coffee with anyone these days. Almost no one seems to be interested for the drink. Ice cubes have lost their glory due to their downtime. Water bottles have come out as the clear winner. And to add a bit of nature to our ongoing fight to survive, we are having a watermelon for the dinner. Taking multiple baths is no more an option. Water is scheduled now for an hour in the morning and thanks to my manager, I am the lucky one to get it first in the morning as I rush for my office with dreamy eyes and a heart full of hatred. I certainly don’t want to miss these summers in future…….

2010-03-17T10:42:00.002-04:00

You should pity people like me. You should do that because I don’t know what I want from life. No longer is the soil of my human brain moist and eager enough to catch a new imprint and let it in deep so as to make a mark. All of it today is but a wall trying to hold almost everything that touches it without the sense to get its purpose.
I get things and often don’t and in between and after, in the loss and in the gain, I never feel happy. The happiness to slog and achieve gets ruined in the wake of the new desire to get more. The sadness of being unable to lead and have life the way I want to, is much more than needed to subdue the spirit of being alive.
Time is passing by, I am moving in and out with others moving in and out around me and in between all these confused matrixes of movements I hear a voice which can see and it says that I am lost in a thirst which is never ending. I started out seeking more and I shall end seeking more. There is no end to it for I have realized that my thirst can never be quenched.

My pain lies in the knowledge of the very same fact and my incapability to change myself. It is sad yet true that all I want is more….

The new colors

2010-03-09T14:39:00.005-05:00

As said in my last post, the three events which changed everything about my new assignment at the new job, I was brushed aside at a recent interview for my decision to part ways with the new organization in three days. Needless to say, I wasn’t able to pull it off. I have every intention to be more convincing the next time whenever one new opportunity comes my way but I also think that this is the right time to pocket a few certifications which I can get done easily with a few weeks of focus. And that brings me to my present work life which I must admit is really fun yet frustrating. Here are a few colors from my daily work life which my lame humane mind keeps drawing when i am in there.....

Earlier I was with people who were interested in everything but work and today I am in a team where everyone seems to be suffering of poor visibility and lack of eagerness to play games to make things swing. They all do their work, silently and are very helpful when asked for. They radiate coldness and their ways speak only one rule: do your work and get lost.

Earlier, my day used to start at twelve and there was no happy end to it even at ten in the night. Now a days, my day starts at ten and ends by six. People stay when they have work. Staying late and working isn’t common here and neither is it encouraged at all. All the client calls are done with in the morning and the onsite SPOC does a perfect job in getting the things transparent from the client to the offshore. Things are serene and strangely cool. They sometimes make me think: am I behaving a fresher or am I running away from the expectations set. It is tough for me to even dream of leaving at six in the evening and everyday when I do that, for real, calling my love to decide the course that has to follow, I feel more like a housewife and less like a developer. The fun of staying late, the struggle and the pain to make things work, the challenge to beat the challenge, the cold night air through a tired brain, the satisfaction of slog at the end of the day….i miss them so dearly.

Earlier, I was the only one to wear T-shirts and jeans and sport shoes all through the week getting the HR looks all through the year and I didn’t even give the satisfaction to my clients who visited the country of seeing me in a formal. Now a days, I am found in leather shoes, with shirts and trousers, all throughout the week. We have a dress code. Nothing wrong with it but wearing a trouser makes me feel as if I am not wearing anything. I love jeans. Matter of time before i get used to it i guess....

Earlier, I used to play TT a lot. That was the only fun activity or activity i had. My ideal timesheets used to have two hours for that a day. But now, I really don’t know when I would be playing a game next. There is no one around to play with. A few guys do play in the evenings and the way they play, I am already a champion here. My only hope now lies in my quest to find a sports group, internal to the organization. And if it fails, my TT bat would also add on to my reasons for a change.

They say that everything in life happens for a reason which might not be evident as of now but certainly does make sense after a few days. I am trying with my soul and mind to get as to why GOD put me in here. I know time will put some sense into it but I need to get that before I get there to know it.

Note: I am back to regular posts. I wasn't able to post and follow up on blogs since a long time. A Part of my life feels lost......time to get it back.

The way it changed for the worst.

2010-03-06T06:15:00.000-05:00

A series of events that now makes some real sense as how it screwed me….

Event One: I get a call from an unknown number and it happens to be my to-be manager at the organization I am about to join. He informs me that my profile has been shared with the client and I am supposed to attend a call with them the next day night and it is supposed to be a technical discussion about my profile and things I have done. He further confirms with me if I will be joining them for sure. I say a big Yes and he enquires about my knowledge on a framework which I hadn’t worked ever on. I tell that frankly and he says that it will be good for me to come on board and learn something new and work on it at a new organization. New things at a new place always are good and interesting. That is all he says, the call happens the next day and the client makes transparent the fact that they expect a 140-200% of me for the project deliverables. I start looking forward to a challenging technical role with loads of work to do. I feel excited.

Event two: Without any formal induction I land up on the project after the paper formalities with the HR and the next day a lady starts the KT (Knowledge Transfer) for the new product I am supposed to work on. I wait and wait and listen all through the sixty minutes to get the point that there is no technology involved. It is all about a tool which needs to be configured as per the client requirements. No Java/J2EE or frameworks and not even a single module. All it is about is business rules and domain knowledge. I hit a wall. I fall flat and it hurts a lot. I was expecting technology and it is all about business. If I stay on, I need to have to take a second look at my profile for an MBA or, sit there and do the work which is of no interest to me. A little above three years in IT doesn’t feel good about only business and no technology.

Event Three: After interacting with others in the team and a few people who are in the organization for more than three years I gain a few insights like the whole of my business unit doesn’t have any technical modules and also earned the surprise of a few of them when they heard that they actually conducted a technical round for selection on such a project and that there was a guy from some other project who was moved here and he left to god-knows-where after his KT was over and that a three year old in this project, as his module is going to be over, is asking for a release for the last two months and the manager says that he needs him to build the team. I now feel cheated. I was promised by the recruitment HR and the manager of a very pure technical role. I was not even called for a five minutes explanation as to what might have gone wrong regarding that. I am back to job search and it is two days before when I joined this organization and I am supposed to explain all these to wherever I go.

I don’t have any aversion towards learning business but I feel that I need to get dirtier with technology before I start considering the business and the way it moves. I still need another two years to serve the technology to have satisfied my thirst for it. I will stick to that inner voice. Someday, someone out there will listen to this voice of mine and consider me worthy of employment. Hope it happens soon…..and that is all about my last four days.

It is time to start again...

2010-03-01T14:39:00.002-05:00

Today is my last day of corporate freedom. Tomorrow, the third of March (almost all of the important ones fall on a 3 or it’s multiple…I can’t help noticing the pattern) will see me employed to a new employer and the managers and the team leads and a new set of people and colleagues will enter my life. I have no idea what lies ahead. With the same zeal and an inner thought that says that this time I will make it a better one and hold on to for some good number of years, I would go and face it. Though, with experience now, it isn’t tough to recognize the type these corporate high sitters belong to and who really hold my way ahead.

Some are the tea-break types. You should be lucky to be addicted to smoking or coffee or tea and you need to accompany them until they speak out the things which matter in the real world. If you are able to hang around for some time, you would gain insights into the way the project is headed, the things going on under the management garb, the real concerns making it tough for things to flow or the real opportunities hidden underneath.
Some are the athletic types. You should have the talent to know how to play it and a few games down, if you are able to prove your steel, in a few days you can see them confiding in you the real patterns applicable to your project or the real gems that can get you what you need or the way things can be moved in your favor.
Some are the workaholic types. They think of food when they need it and for the rest, all is about work. While I prefer these, it certainly needs a good deal of pain taking capability and some real sacrifices on your part to make things work. But once they do, these are the only ones which give the real pleasure.
And then there are the loner types. They need you when they are alone. It might be the late hours in the night or the afternoons on the weekend. Go and sit and discuss and share and soon, you can see the bonding. But more than often, these types insist that you bother about your ways and stick to your time frames and mind your own, but that is when they say they need you to hang around.

Of all that I have seen and observed, the managers and the leads, the so called tough people belong to either of these types. And if you can break the code, the project, the glory, the fame and the ladder up is all yours. Believe it or not, a poor performer is one who does nothing but work. The best performer is one who does work wherever and whenever it is needed. It isn’t only about working on the system and gaining knowledge and expertise but it is also about the people you work with and mainly the people you report to. This is what I had missed at my first organization and the results weren’t good, they were devastating. And this is what I did when I reached my second one and believe me, I struck gold for more than a year and half until revenues dropped for my business unit and I was moved onto a different high revenue earning project onto a challenging task which sadly didn’t suit my taste. And I hope, this is what I won’t miss tomorrow at my new one.

I wait for the day when I would belong to the genre “managers”, to add a new type to my list….

"War is a Drug"

2010-02-28T02:19:00.004-05:00

Almost never do we get to do what we love or almost never we love what we get to do. It is often said that work is the best way to express the person you are. And that is what “The Hurt Locker” is all about. There are many a scenes when you will hold your breath and watch with trepidation as to what might happen next. The "suspense" is huge. The emotional and mental journey James and the others of his Squad go through is detailed to every bit. The havoc of a Bomb going off, the pre and post of that, all are handled like I have seen never before. And towards the end, James holds his son and confides in him that there are so many things that his son loves but there is only one such thing which James loves and he gets back to the field for a yearlong assignment. I would have loved it more had it been Tom Hanks playing it. I would rate it a 9.0 and it is certainly more deserving than the IMDB 8.0 rating. See the movie to believe what a masterpiece it is………

"Image Source"

These days....

2010-02-27T10:48:00.003-05:00

It has been a long time since I posted. The reason is presently I feel complete and little goes off the way to make me worried and I am just a house-soul now a days about to join my new employer in a few days. My love is here in the city. I don’t see anyone surprised at me walking around in the nights with her or going to a movie with her or both of us hanging around together but I surely am surprised at all this. It has been almost a week since all this has become a routine but still, when I walk home alone after seeing her off, I wonder if all this is for real. I was habituated not having her around and the second big thing: night calls, they have reduced exponentially. Things suddenly have hanged for me. These days I feel I can’t complain for what I have got. It is only three more months before the routine takes over again but yet, I feel lucky to have this phase. So, now you know that it’s not all my fault if I haven’t posted for a few days…..when you are in a relationship, everything is shared. :)

I watched A Serious Man, District 9 and Inglorious Bastards and I was awed by all of them. The first one was unique. It is a black comedy with all the tragedies the man could have thought of. And the last scene is an ace. Of all the movies last year I saw, I would rate it the best. District 9 was sensible and action being its genre doesn’t have that much the word “Unique” as I expected. Yet it too ends in an interesting note as to whether the aliens would return to help the lead character. And Inglorious Bastards was a satisfaction for me. I relished it as I always relish Pitt Movies. His character suits him the best and for the first time I saw someone avenging Jews and slaughtering the Nazis. The presentation of the movie makes it a winner. If anyone of you is a movie buff, get hold of these three without a doubt. I assure you…….you won’t repent.

My cooking plans got killed by a visitor. He is a friend of my friend and is staying with us for the last eight days. I started as planned on Monday, getting all the needed help from my love as she continued texting me the steps and the starter guide and it was a happy afternoon for me as I relished my first cooked food. Disasters were there, but they were limited. At least it was eatable and certainly above average stuff. With the same zeal, I started the second day and my dear stranger comes and volunteers and takes over everything and finally gets all of it done. And that was the end of it. His approach the next day told me that if I am going to cook again, it will be “HE” who would be doing it all the way. I stopped and the week is over and still, he is here. Well, I still remember what I did and how I did that day and I wait for my turn to come again. With one lunch to my credit I can say, Cooking is fun, interesting and adventurous.

My Exit and the Questions

2010-02-22T05:26:00.004-05:00

Last Friday was my last working day at my organization. Whatever I had faced in the last six months, I didn’t have any thought regarding blurting it out to the HR during the exit interview. It never helps. Very little or close to practically nothing happens and it is just a formality. But when I went in there, I don’t know why and how, I felt like telling her every bit of all that, upon being asked “What do you feel can help us do better?” I love giving advice and I advised her….

1. When I was chosen miraculously ( I put it that way because a reason was never provided) and put into a different technology and project and business unit, the day I was supposed to start with my sessions for the new team, we had an IJP (Internal Job Posting) as per my eligibility. My manager was fine if I apply but my executive manager said “Give your manager six months time and don’t apply for any that come.” The day I resigned, my manager and my executive manager, the same persons offered me different projects and asked me to apply for IJP’s that are floating around. My Question: Why does a resource have to resign to get the freedom to change his project and apply for an IJP? Is it a requirement that if I don’t resign, I don’t get anything here in this place or is it that I don’t choose to serve the organization by doing that? Why everything comes when you are done mentally and officially?
2. When a resource resigns, meetings happen with the senior management. If the resource has already decided, no one can stop him to quit and the exit process starts. When a resource applies for an IJP and clears the interview and the new manager is ready to take him, the present one may scarp the whole thing saying that he is critical to the project and the team needs him and on doing that, his application for the IJP gets cancelled. Why so? How is the decision to quit and work for another employer different than the decision to work for another project and product? If the former has freedom of choice and decision, why do the latter suffer from bureaucracy and managerial dependencies? Isn’t the whole process wrong?
3. Being a three year old guy in the industry, can I really talk someone to resign? “No” comes her answer. My Question: My manager met me on the stairs and told me “You are leader of the people moving out”. Now was I supposed to take it in a humorous tone? And if not, what should I have done or what should I do? A ten year guy behaves in such an unprofessional manner and he is a manager and we are supposed to report him and I am supposed to grow under his guidance and someone out there thought all this is possible and got him in. And I am asked “What can we do to make things better?”
4. My manager told one of my colleagues “You know how the market is outside now-a-days. So you have to come to office on Saturday”. My Question: Why do I need to think of the markets outside and what is implied when someone is told like that? The market isn’t good and so I should work on weekends. I shouldn’t work for passion or for the product or for the challenge. If that is how it is, and that is how it works, then now the markets are up and it doesn’t surprise me at all when I hear that 225 people resigned in the last three weeks. I am happy for all of them. I think I know what they faced.
5. There is too much security amongst the people. Firing never happened. Poor performers were never caught and questioned. People working here feel the years they carry with themselves here is all that is required to rise and gain. People who are the technical leads never care to prove their creditability to that position. If termination isn’t a way, why can’t demotions work out? People who fail to prove themselves as what they are should be demoted irrespective of the number of years they have stayed in the organization. And to the point, here is a joke which I used to say a lot to my friends over at the work place…..”If my lead is able to code a HTML page with a single drop down with his name as the only value in it without an internet connection and books using a notepad in twenty minutes, I would take back my resignation” and we all knew that I was correct. I can understand the position of a manager not having worked on the system directly for years and now messed up with all implementations and processes and new initiatives, but a team lead, with five plus years of experience has to deliver and prove himself if he thinks he is any good for guiding or leading the team. The initiatives and efforts of higher management never boil down to the ground employee level because it is these people at the middle who mess it up. All they have is the years behind them. You question that and it crumbles.
6. If a person is a newcomer to the organization, and has come from some different or small background or organization it isn’t an issue. But having stayed here for more than a year should have made some changes in him. Sadly, it isn’t the case. The workplace now is full of people who are egoists, selfish, jealous and aim to be one man army to get the goodies. It is difficult to put up with these people. If they don’t stand corrected or don’t bend their ways, others have to. It is a failure to have such type of people on board for more than a year.

All these didn’t exactly push me to resign. I needed a promotion and a senior role with some extra bucks and that still remains my main motive behind my decision to quit but when you have them also with you, they certainly make things look worse and you end up looking for a change more badly and aggressively.

My 100th Post

2010-02-20T15:00:00.004-05:00

I still remember having stumbled upon Farah’s blog on her 100th post. That was the day I started my anonymous blogging and hers was the first blog I had visited. Being a Gemini I never knew that I would be reaching the figure one day myself. I started from a point when I used to think what to write about, to today, when I write almost every day before I sleep. I always wanted to achieve that and this being my 100th one, gives me a chance to look back and analyze myself as a blogger and it certainly seems to have happened that way. I always wondered as to how blogging has become famous. I was never comfy with the idea of having life posted online. Still, I started and soon enough, I understood that it was a mistake for me. But then, I thought about being anonymous and it made sense since all that matters is what I wanted to write. Many might agree or disagree to mine doing that but it is the only way I can be my own self and be true to my words and to my readers. Can’t help…I was coded that way……….

After a few posts, comments seemed to matter a lot. Thankfully, after a few posts, that didn’t continue to hold true. I agree that I always feel good when I have a new follower or a comment, but, usually while posting, unlike this one, wherein I am trying to speak to you all, I always prefer going the personal diary way. But not to forget the fact that sometimes, I get comments which have really helped me in understanding things in a better light. Those have been priceless….nothing good comes free these days they say…I would like to add an exception. Bloggers are awesome.

Today, blogging, for me, isn’t only about me. It is also about my readers or the ones I follow. At times when I am free, which I happen to be everyday at some point of time, my curiosity and bonding takes me to your posts and when I am done reading, I feel complete and in sync with my world. I am thankful to all of you for making me a part of your world, your posts…....i certainly look forward to them everyday..…it feels nice in a unique way…….to know you all…….over distance, time zones and cultures…….it makes me feel alive and connected.
Lastly, I thought many a things to make this post special, but as had been pointed out by some, writing about how blogging has changed me and my life was the option which felt worth it, not to forget the fact that I am not at all innovative and someone with ideas.

To say frankly, I am feeling very happy………….I guess I should stop here and cherish it for some time. :)

The last few steps..

2010-02-17T15:00:00.002-05:00

First of all, thanks to all of you who commented on my Valentine’s post. I was shocked to see that everyone agreed on what I said about love and it kind of made me feel good… :) If you ask why I was shocked, I find it rare that people agree with me.

This Friday is my last working day at my organization. When I am sitting there doing nothing or as I prefer saying being at work with no work, people around me busy as usual with their work and assignments, talking and discussing managers and policies over coffee and smoke, attending meetings and getting aware of the updates, it makes me feel unique and different. It is as if I was the same and suddenly something has changed about me making everyone behave differently. Everyone in my team, the very same people who behaved sick now seem to be carrying a smile ready for me and they seem to be much more sensitive and receptive to my words and actions. Sometimes, when they discuss issues and concerns of the client, I mistake myself to be invisible to them. A look at my screen displaying online news updates or an open acrobat file draws jokes and curiosity from them contrary to what earlier had been a mocking smile or an irritating comment. Additionally, two years is a good amount of time. Wherever we stay and we move on from there with time, we miss it. That is human nature I guess. We are born to adapt and move and carry the memoirs in our pockets. It makes us heavy as we go but also makes us feel living worthwhile.

I would be having 11 days with me before I join my new employer and I can spend it the way I want to. I am presently enduring financial crunch so going home isn’t an option. Getting some certifications done for which I am almost prepared would be a choice but I have certain interesting interviews lined up with organizations I would love to be a part of and they might come up in this phase. One thing I would certainly go for is cooking. I have this feeling inside me which says I should learn how to cook and get started on with things more serious than coffee or maggi or an omelette. It would be a nice time killer and would be good for me at times decreasing my dependency on my roommates. Sadly, it would make them happier too.:P And for a higher score, I always have blogs and movies. Swimming was also on the list but they said that the batch is full as of now. Being a Garfield fan, I don’t have much expectations from myself on these activity frontiers but having such plans is always fun and keeps one motivated to look forward to. Worst case: my list of uncompleted ventures grows. :D

My V (very weird)- Day

2010-02-15T15:46:00.001-05:00

This year had got the weirdest Valentine’s Day I ever had. Usually, the day would have roses and gifts and candle lit dinners and long walks or talks by a serene place of scene or beauty. Mine didn’t have any of it. The only thing which matched my plan pages for the day was the movie we went to. The rest of the day had me searching for a better accommodation for her or us rushing from store to store to get her list of things she needs at her hostel or deciding the items and their priorities so as to tag some with an urgent tag. We even fought for a few mins a couple of times in between. And we had a normal ordinary simple dinner to end the day and I walked her hostel.

Yet, this being the one having us together after so many years shall remain special to me. It was unique. Togetherness matters and that is what counts. Love can’t always be roses and gifts; love has a lot more to it. And without all those tender sweet add-ons, thinking over the list of items, speeding to make time for a dinner, love felt more real, practical, lively and interesting in its own way. In the walk of life, an occasional stroll into the gardens will always be an awaited welcome but, walking together is what makes the garden strolls delightful and worthy of a visit for me. Hope you all had the day as planned…

A suggestion....

2010-02-13T14:25:00.002-05:00

Never plan. As I had mentioned in my last post, I had plans to go today to watch “Valentine’s Day” with my love and then celebrate the day tomorrow. It didn’t happen. She was sick of the travel and was down tiredness. So I went to the movie with my roommate and were the only two guys sitting together in that row amidst the couples. The scene where in the soccer player confesses that he is a gay and his guy comes over finally in the night with roses, it really felt awkward. For the first time, when the movie ended, we intentionally avoided arms around each other. But I am happy that I wished her at twelve in the night and without any further planning, hope that she shares the day with me, the day we make sure to acknowledge and respect the care and love of our lives.

Once I used to be single too. Though that is six years back, but I surely do remember how I felt on this day. I don’t know if being single or being in a relationship is bad or good or whatever but, I certainly would say that if you happen to be single on this day, welcome it by loving and thanking yourself. That is one thing I have never been able to do. I don’t know why but I don’t like myself. And I feel, it is a pretty nice way to ward of the void which you might happen to feel on a V – day. A Happy Valentines Day to all of you.

I am done deciding....

2010-02-12T15:17:00.003-05:00

I am not going for the brand. Being the largest IT Company in the world and ranking within the top 10 fortune 500, currently facing a brain-drain, they promise 7% year-2-year hike for the unidentified geniuses of the world. I am certainly not one. So I get a meager 3% considering I dream of myself as a good plus. A year of efforts would keep me hoping and expecting for more. And I have hopes riding on me and I have huge liabilities to cater to. I would have loved to join you Mr. Brand, but my life has many a chains attached. If I work, I am not doing that only for myself. I have my people with me and if I don’t see their expectations fulfilled, I can’t be happy. But I thank you for giving me the opportunity to dream about us for some days. :)

I choose bucks. Though the difference isn’t huge, still I can see it increase after a year of efforts. My work has better chances of being recognized and I get to cross my magic figure on my pay slips. My list of liabilities shrinks. I can see tomorrow. It is not a fortune 500 but one working for them, still the only one which placed me closer to my expectations when I started my search for a job.
Unless HE has different plans for me, I would stick to what I have decided. The dilemma is over. The choice has been made. And from here I move into the last working week with my present organization. An association of two years will end. It has been my longest with any of them. The last one fell short by five months and I hope, the next one scores at the least, five more.

Out onto the lanes which matter more, my love arrives today and her stay of four months in the city kick starts. It would be lame if I say I am happy. I feel alive seems befitting. I have plans to go and watch “Valentine’s day” today and celebrate it tomorrow with her. The V-day also has a movie called “My Name Is Khan” for us which I am waiting to watch since last year. It is two in the morning……I better go and grab some sleep to wake up into a world with her in it minus the distance…….

SIMS3

2010-02-09T15:26:00.002-05:00

It is about to be two in the morning and am pretty late for a post. If you ask me what had kept me busy since I came back from work, it was SIMS3. I guess you all must have heard about it. I tried playing it once and gave up in five days. You ask me why I am at it again and I say that I am just giving it another try as it is an altogether different version in itself. The concept remains the same though. Being a Gemini and sticking to a game long enough to complete it isn’t easy. It is very tough and the game has to a real gem. It has happened earlier. Just that I am stuck up at a stage in half Life 2 and I tried many a times without success. It is an old strategy for me which I always try whenever I get stuck up at some level. I switch to another game or try something different and return back and almost always, I get past the level. The same has happened many a times and quite recently with Call of Duty – The world at war. So that is all about my recent involvements with SIMS3.

And when I my sweet lappy was busy installing the game, I found out some videos of the game and guess what…..a guy has put up some videos about how to play it and he comes up with a plan to kill his boss at work and finally when he is done with it, he starts dating his wife and plans to get married to her. It is what he says as his style of getting revenge. I feel that all the managers and bosses of the world should be sent these videos to show them how badly the world has started hating them. It felt sad, eye opening, informative about the game-play and yet, surprising. I never thought I was in for a murder and revenge. It was funny too…..I admit I couldn’t help laughing at the guy. I am aware that such things happen in such simulative games but marriage after a murder…that is a bit far…….I wonder about his age and what he has that makes him play this game with such a plan….

I tried calling and messaging the HR and neither of it worked. Is he really that busy? I now feel like asking any HR I happen to see to help him out with some work which I might be capable enough to do for him. I feel connected to those who, just like me, might be waiting for their turns…..that’s what happens when a resource deals with humans and not the other way around.

My Monday....LOL

2010-02-08T14:55:00.003-05:00

Dear bloggers, as was brought to my notice by my love, this isn’t my 100th post. I am really sorry for having said it was in my last post. I always considered the count which the blogger dashboard shows. But it isn’t in sync with the number which I see on the right navigation of my previous posts which marks it as my 94th one. I think if I edit my post and republish it; the dashboard increases the count by one. Nez…partly my fault….spare me……I am humane.

Today I was busy filling up my exit form. My organization needs to get things done ten days before my last working day. So it is time for me to go to every door and ask for a clearance signature. I am done with only two sections and tomorrow I need to complete it. So I would be using a lot of stairs tomorrow and that sucks to me. I hate stairs. It is against a Garfield-ish morale to do so. But I can’t help people who having spent almost twenty five years of their lives in this world fail to understand and comprehend the lift symbols and its movements. More than often, you can see people pressing the up-button when they want to go downstairs…..And then when the door opens, you can see that enlightened blank face with curios eyes prompting you the text “Going Down?”……..I would love to be rude but then, I have the other category of people around me, who have compassion and are kind at soul and answer with an equally logical tone “No, it’s moving up”….WOW….how helpful and informative people are. Believe me, I don’t know about you, but for me, this has been a real pain. It happens for 80% of the times I take the lifts.

As I say, that was me at work with no work. On the other side, I called the HR and he didn’t pick up. Tomorrow I shall be trying a combination of calls and messages. No offence meant….I shouldn’t expect much from a human resource. They aren’t humane…they are just a resource.

Do you believe that was what sums up today for me? It does. Life is suddenly a frozen river, waiting to melt and flow into the new lanes unaware of where it would have to go………

A Shopper's woes

2010-02-06T12:47:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, being a Friday and being at work with no work, I played table tennis for six hours. Don’t ask me how I reached my home back. When I went to sleep, I felt as if my legs were under some baggage and I was performing some physical task at some reality show. And the night was just not the end of it. In the morning, when I got up, it didn’t feel that I had slept. I lay like a log till one in the afternoon. And finally, the wanted normalcy followed.

I went for shopping today. It seems like a girlish thing to mention and I don’t know why but shopping over time has become a female trait and you can blame the movies partly for that. But that is what I did today. My problem: When I am there, I am in no control. I am materialistic and I love getting things. I can do happily for even a year not even buying anything but I may end up getting more than I would have needed by bounds once I am there. That is one of the reasons I always try not to accompany others at shopping. Today was different. The still lingering doubt and confusion about my job offers kept me pretty busy not to focus much on surrounding attractions. And that reminds me that one of my friends who called me when I was about to start, had quite a reasoning for not joining a brand and going for money. The more the people you ask, the more are the opinions and the more is the confusion. Enough…let me stop myself right here regarding this.

My next post would be my 100th one. I can’t deny that I am excited. I had asked about opinions and ideas as to what and how I can make the post special. I ask again. Please do share your thoughts. It would save a little part of me and I would be able to put in more to think and decide about my offers which are presently ruling my nights. LOL

Still a bit Lost...

2010-02-05T04:37:00.001-05:00

While I was waiting for the HR to call me so that I can have a second round of discussion regarding the offer he has, I got a soft copy o the offer letter in my mail box. What did he communicate back or where was he when I asked him to call me up the next morning? Is he really dumb or is that he made a statement saying that’s what the final offer would be from his end when he sent the mail? After having talked to my friends and considering the thoughts you all had put in as comments, I decided to go for a brand on condition that the HR doesn’t agree for more bucks. After the mail, it looks like I have to call him up and make myself clearer on my expectations. So, I am not yet done. Hope isn’t there that it would work out but I don’t want to repent later considering that I could have always called. That’s how it remains….will update you all on how it goes……

Yesterday, I was frustrated weighing my career options and trying to have a sneak into future….so I decided to watch a movie. “Up in the Air” is fantastic. No doubt, it has six nominations at the OSCARS. Clooney, as always playing the professional believing in his own theories of living out of a bag pack….and loosing more than he thought was fantastic. Do watch it if you haven’t…..you won’t be disappointed. A few interesting arguments have been presented. The living out of a bag style was interesting but nothing really can win unless it has love with it.

Presently, I am at work with no work but eager eyes around. So I better close this post here……..will update you regarding how things progress.

It Happened....and WOW...am LOST again.

2010-02-03T14:58:00.002-05:00

Presently, I feel tensed. As I was heading home, the HR finally called me….yes the call that I was waiting for and the same call which I vowed against yesterday. He called at half past nine late in the night….a time when I would have expected him to call the least. Whatever he offered me isn’t what I had asked for. It is pretty less than my expectations but yes, it is a bit more than what I already have. Clearly, the choice now, considering the three offers I have, stands between brand value and remuneration. But, speaking logically, remuneration also isn’t there. It’s not that big a chunk for which you would happily sacrifice working for a brand name. And I never got a chance to do that. On the other side, my liabilities are high and I am in need of more bucks. So, as you all can see, I am confused. I am unable to decide the best one for me. And I have to stick with one because he would call me back by ten in the morning. I called up many. While majority stick to working with a giant, a minority feels that growth would be more if I choose otherwise. Ah….I complain when I don’t have any options and I complain when I have options…what is wrong with me…. I need a good sleep…a lot is going on with me….the sooner I hand it over to the subconscious, the better.

Lastly, before I sign off for today, big THANKS to all of you. You all wished me luck and I got it finally. Life certainly takes a turn when one has people like you all on their side… :)

The Months Ahead..

2010-02-02T13:38:00.001-05:00

I am happy. Ask me why? The Oscar nominations are out and the list is available at IMDB. Though I had a rough idea after the Golden Globes as to the exact names, still the real list matters. Now it is time for me to catch up with the ones I have missed. I am done with just a few like “Julie & Julia”, “Avatar” and “An Education”. Miles to go…

The HR didn’t call. I am done hoping and dreaming around in these lanes. There isn’t any use waiting for it to come. So from tomorrow, I won’t think of it anymore. I tried yesterday too but failed. I had put in a good effort and that’s what is making it difficult for me to forget. I tried at half of it and got two offers. I tried the best I could have and seems like it won’t work out. That is what happens….LOL. There is predictability about the unpredictability of life….interesting!

She is travelling to her home. Tomorrow morning I would be meeting her at the station and I have got the chocolates ready. It will be ten minutes and a prelude to her stay of four months here in the city for her internships. She will be reaching a day before the Valentine’s. I am excited and really looking forward to the months ahead. It will be the longest for us together since three years back when we left college. The distance thing has been such a huge pain affair…….regarding her stay I am scared to feel it coming…..sometimes it seems logical to overlook it considering that plans never do work for me…..and sometimes I can’t help thinking about it and us. This is one of those times…..

The Leader

2010-02-02T00:38:00.003-05:00

Sunday was a good day for me. It had the Roger win over Murray. All through the tournament, I supported the Briton and he really played the best of his game. But when it is Roger, there cannot be anyone whom I can like. His flair and style is deadly, yet serene and smooth. He seems like flowing around the court and his shots seem to come off effortlessly. Moreover, at the finals, it was clear that the Briton might have it someday, but on that day, he wasn’t prepared for the big game. As said, he might need a few years to be there to win it. And so comes the 16th one for Roger. The only fact that was bad about the whole game was that it didn’t last for long and was wrapped up by the third one.

Sunday, I watched “An Education” and it is a good movie and “very” as a prefix is not required. It has a message with it. IMDB rates it over 7.5 and I felt it deserving of that. It is about a teenage girl and how her life changes when she falls for a flirt who is double her age. I would say you watch it if you don’t have any ready with you on your list.

And so we move onto the Monday. The only thing about Monday was an incident which happened at my office and it runs like this. For all of them who don’t know, I have resigned a month ago and presently am serving my notice period. My colleague from my team resigned yesterday as he has some personal issues and he wanted it real bad to go back to his city. We move around together as a group of three. So, yesterday, my sweet manager found me at the stairs and told me “You are the leader….…of people going out….giving them tips and tricks and helping them out with questions……I got that”. So, that is how a nine year experienced guy behaves as a manager of the team and he still finds himself getting paid heavily and suitable to work in IT. I really wanted to pay him back but I can’t do that. But he ruined my day. Instead of trying to know why someone wants to move out and what is wrong in there in his team that is making people choose and try, he taunts me unofficially at my nature of helping people who have already made up their mind. If that is how it works, yes I am certainly a leader then and I am quite happy to have found my new talent. As they say “people don’t leave their companies, they leave their managers”, I cannot help thanking GOD more on parting ways.

I Love Blogs !

2010-01-30T14:41:00.005-05:00

I watched “It’s Complicated” and it was OK. It doesn’t hold any repetitive value but the movie was right in its content. There were some moments in there holding promise and could have been bettered. But movies like that appear every year…don’t they? Meryl was superb.

Tomorrow has got loads for me. Firstly, Roger and Murray in Australia and then I have my favorite reality show “Roadies” and lastly, Manchester United will share the playground with Arsenal. So it is going to be more than seven hours of television tomorrow…..a rare one for me. And now you must already have known what it would be about, here…tomorrow..... :)

By the way, I came across an article from The Economist which talks of today’s connectivity and had some really cool data about Facebook. And here it goes:
Facebook, which celebrates its sixth birthday next month and is now the second most popular site on the internet after Google. The globe’s largest online social network boasts over 350m users—which, were it a nation, would make Facebook the world’s third most populous after China and India. That is not the only striking statistic associated with the business. Its users now post over 55m updates a day on the site and share more than 3.5 billion pieces of content with one another every week. As it has grown like Topsy, the site has also expanded way beyond its American roots: today some 70% of its audience is outside the United States.

That looks huge and it certainly shows how deep technology is rooted into our lives. But none of these social networking sites were good for me. I am in there and have a pretty good friends list and I do check the pages regularly. But the Gemini in me never allows me to be there for long. To cite a few cases, if you already know about the apps/games available on Facebook, I started playing Mafia Wars and then Car Racing and a few weeks back I was on with Farmville. All of them met the same fate….I gave up after a few days and that they all were amazing for the first thousand clicks. It makes me wonder about my blog. But the idea behind a blog is what keeps me going…..….thankfully it’s not just technology.

A Question

2010-01-28T13:00:00.002-05:00

I didn’t blog yesterday. I was feeling sad because the HR didn’t call me. And it was the same today. Finally, with trepidation and desperation I called him up and found that they have a huge list of candidates to cater to and they will be done with their internal processes by tomorrow end. So now, the new news is that they will be calling me on the next Monday….LOL. I don’t have any other options than to listen and believe what he says. So, that’s all for it as of now.

I have a question. Is it normal to feel insecure when your lady/guy is good friends with people from the opposite gender? I expect that the answers, if at all they come, be true and for real….and for the more enlightened ones, feel free to provide suggestions too…..
Personally, I will feel insecure. And though I may take friendship as normal, but anything that has intimacy or deep understanding will for sure hurt me……and yes you can say that I am “ ”…......u can take ur pick and fill it up……:)

Holiday matters

2010-01-26T14:06:00.002-05:00

A lazy day for me…..woke up late and had a late breakfast and strong coffee…my preference on a holiday.
And to my surprise, the Australian open was still getting aired live. I cheered for Roddick and saw him loose to finally see a tamed Nadal sign out injured. I felt bad but I always believed Murray had class. On a different note, I feel that Roger stands a better chance now as Nadal always seems a threat. Looks like I will have a good time cheering and seeing Roger win this time…….and yes, tennis is one of the sport apart from soccer that I love to watch and follow it…… :)

My job search had kept me away from my movie passion for a few weeks and with OSCAR coming, it is time to gear up. I prefer having my own favorites at the event. And so I am done with “500 days of summer” and “Julie and Julia”. The former was OK while the latter was awesome. Additionally it had the buzzword “blogging” all through it which kept me waiting for more and passion it was what all through and that always is an inspiration for me. Watch it for sure if you haven’t….one of the best from the year gone by……

My day also had a musical side and Owl City rocked it. I wonder how I missed upon their “Ocean Eyes”….Fireflies is a great score and a personal favorite but I wasn’t aware of the album release. Nez..i now have it with me on my iPod…..and I feel happy.

That was my day……tomorrow I would be back to my anticipation game…..and since am already into it I am hoping the HR calls me….

TT day :)

2010-01-25T13:38:00.003-05:00

Dear bloggers and all of those who wished me luck, today was a dumb day. I was expecting the HR on the wire but today, not even a friend called me…LOL

Tomorrow is a holiday here and to make myself a little comfortable and seem like an opportunist, I take it that they would do so on Wednesday. I am not scared to lose it. If not they, someone would, someday get me what I want. It would mean a bit more of slog and I am here to do that. No point in fearing it…..some things are supposed to be hard earned….so…I wait….will update you all. I owe you that one………:)

The main event of today was Table Tennis. Yes, I love the game and I am learning it for the last two years. It is all about physics and concentration. It surprises me that back at engineering college I used to see fellows playing and always felt it was lame. And then, when I started my IT career, a senior colleague asked me if I knew the game as we were having coffee together overlooking people play. And he said “If you wanna stay in here and survive, learn that game…..it is as important as work”….and believe me, he was damn right. It is by a huge margin the only game you can play while at work, every organization has it, it is a great tool for networking too, it increases your focus and is all about adrenaline and guile. It certainly adds some action to a developer life and there are guys like me who look forward to it when they start a day. So, back to point, I played for six hours today. I don’t want to work and I guess my lead also feels the same now. I kept expecting the call and had a rough patch with my love yesterday too. Now these would justify my day today...and here it goes...three hours of TT during lunch and three in the late evenings….one hour for my lunch and one for my necessary coffee and smoking breaks...…ooppss I forgot…..add one hour for my mails and online habits…...seems I scored nine hours. Hmmm……nez…thats it about today......to Indians a very happy republic day ahead and to others, happy end-of-Monday… :)

The story behind Monday

2010-01-23T13:55:00.002-05:00

I may grab the hike I was looking for. I cleared the rounds and quoted according to my expectations. HR said that they would confirm the pay on Monday and that’s what matters to me because I already have two offers with me. So dear awesome bloggers, all of you who wished me luck yesterday, a big THANKS to you all.........i am waiting for the Monday call…….so for the last time, wish me some more luck………. :P (Wishing me luck isn’t easy…….i am always short of it….)

That ate up my whole day. I finally reached home in the evening, starving and coping with a headache. But I kind of made up for the calories I lost during those hours of stress…..had Pizza and Salad for my dinner. :) (Calories deserve respect and a careful execution)

Anticipation is now killing me…gosh…I am fed up with myself……first the expectation of an interview call….second, the tension and predictions and fear about what to read and what I would be asked and how things would go….third, the day when you sit like a puppet at the hands of luck and wish that even a second of judgment doesn’t go wrong for you……..fourth, when you clear it, wish and pray for getting what you expect……..fifth and this one is the biggest one: wait for it to happen……..duh !!! Sucks all the way……………………

Three things....

2010-01-22T12:35:00.002-05:00

Three things about today….

Firstly, someone form my organization is sick and has caught some rare disease and the operation would need a huge amount of money. We have a common forum where in people send mails to interact and share information and there was a discussion on regarding this for raising a fund to help him out and the same was communicated a few days ago as an organizational announcement too. There were so many discussions going on regarding the amount that everyone should contribute and what else can be done to better the aid. After seeing them I was confused as to what I should do. The dilemma I was in was not about the amount but the question if at all I should contribute. The thing which bothers me is that at signal cross and at stations and on foot paths, time and again, I have denied a few coins to the needy and now I am about to donate big. Who deserves…? May be both and if that remains of it all….ain’t I inhuman..? If I am…..why this fuss and donation…? But shouldn’t it start somewhere…? And even if it does start here……shall I be able to change myself at those cross roads and stations…? Or is it that we need a corporate platform to donate and help…..? Or sickness has to be a cause…..and humanity shouldn’t be the cause…? Whatever……..i can feel the shame……

Secondly, I have interview tomorrow. I am sad and happy. I will tell you the reason for being happy first as it is the smallest one. I am happy because I may crack it and there is nothing more than that little “may” in this. I am sad as I have to read and there is so much to go through and there is so much that I didn’t even read and I have played TT today a lot and I am tiered and I just wanted to enjoy my Friday night and I really don’t know how things would proceed tomorrow and what all I would have to face and blah blah blah……..wish me luck….……

Thirdly, my love is feeling sick and her exams are just a few days away……so, wish me more luck guys.....i am of no use if anything is wrong about her.... :(

Any Suggestions...?

2010-01-21T08:02:00.002-05:00

I am dead bored and I am at work. The zeal to work isn’t there after I have resigned which I feel is normal. It is one month and I have one month more to go. The recreation room at my office is blocked due to local tensions going on regarding the formation of the new state and BPO guys are having their sleep there. I don’t have many friends here at work and the rest are busy with their plate. I read for two hours. And I am all done. I am tiered of refreshing the News pages and looking out for posts. Even the blogs I follow doesn’t have any new content. Seems everyone is busy...........any suggestions..............?

Failures : An epic Story

2010-01-20T14:36:00.004-05:00

To fail was important. To hit a wall might have felt bad and hurt but eventually that was what bore the fruit. If I recall today, my recent past, I can see a fact which I feel, I have learned for myself. I was in deep mess which made me (an all time class bunker who never got to score more than 20% on the attendance register while at engineering) go to office on the weekends and read for hours all alone. I can’t deny that I didn’t get the credit for that. Life got me a better job, probably the best project and team at that organization, and recognition of being skilled at the technology on hand. And then there was another kill. I was moved to different project on a different technology and few weeks down I found myself again in a deep mess unable to work with people boasting of five years of work experience and still learning HTML and CSS formats, people who believe that promotion and achievement is a war and all about politics and seniority, people who thought that they have all the power in the world just because they have been sitting there long. I tried with what I cannot say as my best and got two offers. I resigned......

But today, hardly a month more to go before I join my new arena, I felt as though I have hit on a wall again. I need better and i shouldn't stop. My need says to me that I deserve better. My deservedness insists that I should try more. I am told that I am asking for more. I am informed that I am suffering from more-syndrome and walking to glory never feeling happy with what I have. I am warned that I may end up having nothing at all. But what if i give up? What if i listen to all of them? I don't see things with time......i don't see how things will be taken care of....things that have been thrust upon me by something not of my choice......things that i have owned up genetically......things that expect a better time and claim to have a dream about them.....things that are waiting on me to come and get it done.......
Hmmm.....it ain't over.....it still remains a failure....

Sad and Happy

2010-01-19T13:52:00.003-05:00

It is sad and it is not……..and it goes as below…..

My love wanted to do her MBA summer internships in finance in sync with her choice. And due to her college placement cell super brains, she now has to do it in Marketing. The time given to decide to sign up for the program was a day and one was needed to procure the offer letter if at all one chooses to do it somewhere else or else sign it. We were counting on a few contacts which we had as options but getting corporate things done in a day is herculean. I can understand that money matters and colleges and universities are tools of earning big and recruitment and trainings are the season to go for the kill. Sadly, a candidate would always find it difficult as it is about his/her career. She is sad and so am I.

But the training location is my city and the duration is three and a half month and it encapsulates two biggies like the Valentine’s Day and her birth day. I am happy that togetherness is near. By the mid of next month, she will be here. It is yet to sink down into me. I am still not able to have it all. Let me tell you, it is a dream sorts and none the less…..distance relationships suck where in phone ringtones/vibrations are the beats your heart play, words are all you have got, distance is what remains from the start to the end, missing someone becomes habitual and common, being alone is no more a behavior but a nature, and many more………..and when it ends even for a day, you see where you were, what you have and what all you need from life to be alive.

No More Mondays

2010-01-18T12:53:00.004-05:00

There was nothing great about today. It was a dull routine start of the week and minus the work load for me (as I have already resigned). I gave my first presentation today at work but the way it went, it seems i didn't give it at all. There were more morons than I had thought. It has been thirty days today since I resigned and till date, every day when I leave from my work place, I thank to GOD that I have resigned. They aren’t just interested in anything that has the promise of learning something new. If you push in a piece of code out of thin air to make them understand, it comes up onto their ego and you get blamed for being a show-off....how lame is that? So, I just spoke through my slides with as much detail I could. Claps always are normal I guess after a presentation. That was all about my work place today.

I came back and watched HIMYM (How I met Your Mother). I have finally reached Season 5….bad news for me. A few more episodes and I would be done and will have to wait with other fans for the next one to get aired. I am saving them as much as i can and presently am going an episode a day...thats the most i can do being a big fan. But if you haven’t watched it ever, just give an episode from season 1 a try…..my friend did and he watched all the 24 episodes yesterday……and to add on…his ringtone now matches the starting rhythm. Well, that was it…dear Monday……i am right when i say that I am no more scared of you on a Sunday……:)

Solve Me

2010-01-18T00:48:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I think that I am on the correct way. I have a job and I got a better job which would pay me OK and the love of my life is with me and time will take care of us for the better and eventually everything would turn out fine.

Sometimes I think that I should strive for more and never stop this urge for going up the ladder and my efforts should be more coherent and focused to get me some better bucks and that the more I struggle the better I would reap and that I should start thinking seriously about my entrepreneurship worm inside or the ISB dream.

I am confused. Maybe it is just the empty brain doing the thing or may be that I should learn to stop and enjoy. Or maybe that nothing can ever satisfy me or make me happy. May be I always want more and more but who doesn’t? Help me solve me if anyone can…

The gift she asked for...

2010-01-16T13:28:00.001-05:00

My love one day asked me as to what would be my wedding gift to her. As I always do (I am bad with choosing gifts), I told her “Anything you ask for”. And she asked for a showpiece in our house which would say “I am the boss of this house and I have the permission of my wife to say so...”

I am presently missing her a lot. She is sick and down with cold and she has to read for an internship interview tomorrow and these are times when I want to be there and I can’t and I feel so helpless. Wish I could have been there…….and I am waiting for that day to come. Life is defined by those whom you love and what you share with them. For more than six years I am trying and praying for the day to come when I would be with her, sharing myself. So, all of you out there, who are together today, please do not forget what you share and have and how miserable life can turn into if it’s not there. Let love rule and rock……

Get me some more....

2010-01-16T02:13:00.003-05:00

Money is driving me crazy. I have got two job offers and I have a little more than a month before I join one of them. And before that happens I need an offer which gets me good bucks. The recruiters out there are giving me the same shit whenever they call me…”I hope you know how the market is now”…..but I can see so many around me getting a good pay across all verticals irrespective of what they know and are capable of. My belief in destiny and luck is getting stronger day by day. Seems to me like the universe follows a pre-decided thought out plan and nothing that seems chaotic here is really chaotic. There is a harmony in the execution of events and time is just a tool to fool. You end up where you are supposed to and not where you deserve to.

Yeppie...A Holiday

2010-01-14T10:50:00.003-05:00

Today was a holiday for me. The day is called as “Makar Sankranti” in India. Now before anyone of you wonder what it is about, here goes a brief description of it:

“Makar Sankranti is one of the most auspicious occasions for the Hindus, and is celebrated in almost all parts of the country in myriad cultural forms, with great devotion, fervor & gaiety. It is a harvest festival. Makar Sankranti is perhaps the only Indian festival whose date always falls on the same day every year i.e. the 14th of January. Some celebrate it as Lohri and some as Bhogali Bihu and some as Pongal.”

Pheww…I never knew all that and I am living in this country for the last 27 years and have been guilty of enjoying the holiday every year. Google rocks !!! This is something about me. I am not culturally inclined and it never occurred to me to understand and have two lines about these occasions and festivities. But I see people around who know a lot and who know something and a bit. I stand unique and eager to share the stage.

I saw “The Tournament” yesterday and I didn’t find it a 6.1 deserving as per IMDB. The impact wasn’t there and it could have been a lot better. It reminds me of “Mortal Combat” which I liked a lot. I used to play the game day and night and we had been able to find several hidden key combinations. “Quanchi” was my key. Nez…presently “Second Life 2” is keeping me busy and I salute the maker for the way they have developed it. Games and movies…how can someone stay away from them…they deserve the addiction…

Note: I have seen bloggers do innovative posts marking their 100th one and I am finding it difficult to think of one for my own. I am bad at innovative ideas.So if any of you reading this has some…..please do share…..I would be thankful.

Enter-preneurship

2010-01-12T13:54:00.001-05:00

Hey all…today is one of those days when I am lost. There are things which I want to do apart from being a programmer/developer. And one of them is entrepreneurship. Few months back I was totally into setting up something. I booked my domain, got the things searched and ways found, discussed with many friends and also did some extra steps as to how to recruit people in and was done designing and naming my application. Funds held me back. I gave up.

But as days pass there is this thought which keeps on coming back. It is a recurring process and it holds questions within it that is hard for me to answer. What about doing things which I wanted to, what about creating something, what about catering to the needs, what about creating some employment while putting some extra block into the system, what with my education, what about the fear to fail…I really don’t know. Presently, I think, since I have got a job and spending my notice period at my previous organization and have a bit of time, these are coming and paying me a visit. Presently, the right thing for me is to hold myself tightly and let these be there in my mind and check myself on them. If they really stay there for a good amount of time and when I can really answer myself saying that I really want to do it, I will do it. I don’t know how and when but I feel, things work out your way when you badly want them. By the way did any of you read “Awakening the Entrepreneur Within” by Michael E. Gerber? It is an awesome inspirational book for people interested in the field. Nez…for me it is wide awake..but that is presently all about it….LOL

Weekend Updates

2010-01-10T12:10:00.002-05:00

My friend, who had been here for the last two days, got his hair transplanted last month and he paid a big amount for that. Some say that he is insane to have done such thing and he says, he feels good and needed it. Whatever be the case, I was obliged to be the one to go with him and buy his hair Shampoo and hair Brush for the first time in five years. We even got it clicked. I liked his passion. He always has it and I love that. He does what he wants to and he does it with style. KFC followed at night and we grabbed six chicken pieces, two large French fries, two Krushers, four Coles law and two Zinger Burgers to our credit….a Big List right? It is always the case when it is just the two of us.

My interview on Saturday (thanks for the wishes Farah) went OK. I survived the written technical screening test and successfully gave my fourty-five minutes interview. But don’t ask me how it was. I answered most but I am still unable to figure out why they asked what they asked. There was no direct question, nothing on the skill set and it was all here and there. It was more on the www awareness you should be having as a web developer. Nez….i think tomorrow I would know if it is a Yes/No….

I watched Sherlock Holmes today. I found it good and even my friend, who doesn’t have a taste for English flicks, completed it without sleeping which always happens with him at such shows. Needless to say, nothing can beat the original texts. Holmes as a character is so interesting. His nicotine dosages and his precision of methods and his chemistry knowledge and an eye for details, encourages me a lot. I wish I could be as good as him in any one aspect of my life.

Fri-Bunk

2010-01-08T14:41:00.003-05:00

Friday nights are bad and sad for job seekers. Majority of the walkins happen during the weekends. And so, going to the point, Tomorrow I have an interview. I have two offers with me and I got what I initially was looking out for: my technological preference for work and a promotion. I have more than a month’s time with me before I join and I thought it would be logical to keep searching and attending interviews in case I get a better remuneration too. But, I haven’t read anything since I cleared the last two. To be a bit guilt free, I have decided to bunk the night today reading and refreshing what I already know so that at the least I can answer what I already knew. So, wish me luck guys. I am in need of that as I am already feeling sleepy and it’s just one in the morning and I am yet to have my starch loaded dinner…

A few friends are coming to the city. I am not excited at all to see them and the reasons are many. It hurts me when people get insensitive and selfish, even though they are the good ones whom you know since long. It is hard for me to adjust on some grounds. Instead, the new movie “Sherlock Holmes” waits this Sunday for me and is the only thing I am looking forward to…

Third One

2010-01-07T15:06:00.005-05:00

I became an avid novel reader when I joined engineering college. Reading novels were fun and time used to fly by without notice and I enjoyed the new world. Bunking classes and reading novels felt genetic then. I was all bad and spoilt and undisciplined except being a good reader if at all that can score. I started with Sheldon and finished almost all the titles available for Forsyth, Puzo, Robbins, James and Brown. Sherlock Holmes, Christie and Lord of the Rings happened too. But there were many like Cook and Grisham whom I didn’t like and by the third year I was done. I thought that my college library was exhausted or my horizon was limited. Harry Potter was just a children character and people used to talk about the special effects. I never thought of giving it a read until one day I saw her (who else can it be) reading it. I mocked about the childish content and ended up carrying the first one home. It was an experiment and it seemed just like any other book. She insisted and I took up the second one. Third one was my decision and dear bloggers, I got hooked. I really don’t know what happened since then. It was hard to keep myself from that world. The mystery took over me. The imagination was so precise and detailed and interestingly spawned that I was lost. Before the seventh one released, I read the earlier six ones at least four to five times just to make sure that I wouldn’t be missing anything when it comes to the final one. I remember shipping her, the last one the day it was released and I still remember how proud I felt right then. And whenever I would feel low at office and would like to distract myself and cheat from work, it was always dear potter. I rank Rowling as the best writer I have ever read and I salute her imagination, eye for details and storytelling skills and I thank you my love for making me read such lovely pages.

I am big movie buff. IMDB is my favorite and I love torrents and big screens alike. Tom Hanks happened first and since then there has been no way out. I love movies and I love Bollywood and Hollywood alike. I have a huge list of favorites and it is beyond my mental capacity to recollect which all I liked till date. I never used to watch television series. I remember seeing Friends once but I didn’t like it much. When you are in a relationship, you sometimes do things you have been asked to do which you would never do if you would have been single and it was for the second time that I ended up liking it a lot. How I Met Your Mother is what I am referring to. Needless to say what happened next, I am currently in the fourth season and I am sad they are airing the fifth one. Wish I had more seasons to watch and catch up. It has now replaced my laptop movie screenings and serves best in purpose, at the end of the day. I love Tedd, Barney always rocks, Lily and Marshall are cute and Robin is dumb yet funny. I am in love with them and I thank you my love for making me aware of such a lovely world.

So Dear Love, I am waiting for the third one to happen……….

Hanky-Day

2010-01-06T14:18:00.002-05:00

The day started as bad as it could. I had paperwork to be done and scanned and sent for my project with my one of the organizations I would be joining and it was pending since December third week. I decided today to be day. Just when I was about to be done having scanned and printed the documents, the power was cut. The shop doesn’t have a single UPS backup. That’s from a city in India where IT flourishes and the most competitive exam of the country goes online. Leaving the work half done, I rushed to my office. I was happy with myself for having come up with an innovative excuse for being late at office: “My debit card got stuck at the ATM and I had to rush to the main Branch.” That’s India guys. Tell them the truth that you had some personal work or you woke up late because you found it hard to sleep last night and you deserve screams. For this one, I got sympathy, curiosity and understanding. In short, all that I needed.

We had a Team meeting today. I love them. Just watch people come up with issues and see the manager handle them with occasional help from the team leads. They could never understand that as long as the work is getting done, all managers and leads are happily eager to listen and help with no soul or mind. I stopped complaining and highlighting and suggesting, long back and I wish they do the same. They deserve nothing but silence. May be when someday I would get there, I will try things and speak and suggest. Hope by the time I reach there, I stay the same.

That’s what I call a mechanical day if I take out something which also happened. My love, when she was here a few days back for the New Year was searching for her lost hanky. She thought she has misplaced it somewhere. She was right. But it happened to be good for me. While starting for work and the document work in the morning I thought of carrying a poly bag with me and I took out the one which we used while shopping. The small cute hanky was right there. I was overjoyed. I could smell her love and warmth in that tiny piece. It was a world to me and that was the best thing about today.

The List Toppers of Life

2010-01-05T13:22:00.001-05:00

One of the best things about winter is the morning sun. Getting out of the cozy bed in the chill of the morning and going into the sunlight while looking over a misty cold haze is a joy which is hard for me to categorize. It is one of those which comes only with a life and I think, is amongst the small joys affordable even to a creature like me. And when it is all covered in fog and visibility is low, wait for the morning rays to pierce it and see it lift gradually. It is so refreshing. The cold air into my lungs feels like a blessing. Wish I could capture the whole phenomenon somehow……

One of my friends started his blog today. I had been telling him to do it since a long time and finally today was the day and his first post speaks about his visit to the Himalayas. The pics were so nice. I wanted to take some myself and a trek to the Himalayas has been long pending on my list. Those mountains which I have always preferred over the seas are irresistible. Last year I had collected information of such a trek which the Government of India organizes monthly but things didn’t work out. Planning and co-coordinating between friends when all of you work in IT is in itself an uphill task. And I still remember comments from some which goes like I have gone mad and I behaved a lunatic when I tried my options for such a trek. I pity them and wish that somehow in this birth of theirs they get to know what it is like up there in the Himalayas.

There is so much to do with a life. Hardest part is when you have to prioritize. And when it happens, somehow the second and the third ones on the list forever remains the way they are. Things move up from the bottom and become the winner. Some things just stay where they were on the list. Life changers come from deep down and turn things forever. That’s what destiny’s game is all about and that’s where plans almost always fail.

Biggest procrastinator...and the award goes to...

2010-01-04T14:40:00.003-05:00

I am missing that touch. I am missing those eyes. I am missing that someone. Why do I have to feel these, is what I ask. A better way could have been possible. I am spending my life amidst people whom I don’t want or feel for. Presently, as I sit here writing this, my door is closed to get myself a space where I can be myself. What if I don’t want or like them? What if I am not fine being alone? What is so big a deal for you if all I ask for is that one person? What if i don't wanna play GOD and be humane and cry and scream and die for what i need and want? I am taking the air inside and out and I can’t help it. I am walking this road and I can’t help it too. You made me a way and I am having it the same way since years. I am walking the walk you want me to. You know what I need and still, you don’t and even if you do, what about it? If not today, then I presume that someday would hold an answer. But what about these moments and days and nights and mornings and evenings which are flying by? If separation was my destiny, I didn’t choose love. It was you. I hope you have heard that "We don't choose love....Love chooses us". People who know me say that I am the biggest procrastinator…….....i say "LOL". We both know who it is. :-)

For the first time..

2010-01-03T12:53:00.001-05:00

The year started on a good note for me. Never did it happen before that I would be happy on a New Year eve. An unusual sadness always used to grip me. This time, it was different. I went to the disc for the first time and that too with my love. Secondly, I danced for the first time and that too with her. Thirdly, we were together for the first three days of the year and that too for the first time. We have spent many moments together but it was for the first time that we were celebrating the New Year together in the physical world. I am happy and I have nothing to complain. This is what I had wanted and it happened the exact way. And from tomorrow, starts my usual routine. I pity Mondays. They always take the hit and get the bad name.

One funny thing which I came to know just a few days back is about the school admissions for the ones aged five. Their fathers are supposed to go through a written test and many a working mothers are pretending to be home-makers and preparing for a face-to-face interview. Their performance is what decides the thirty lucky ones who would get admission against a total of over three thousand applications. Isn’t that funny and weird? Think a case where that father is your manager or that wannabe-homemaker is your reporting lead and they talk about interviews and written tests. I found it hard to believe. Everything is now about competition. I wonder if they would ask to get certified before we are legally allowed to go for a child. Though, this one I guess would be a savior…LOL.

Cheers guys….my year starts tomorrow….lets buckle up and get going…..

The Last Post - 2009

2009-12-30T14:00:00.003-05:00

My dear bloggers, this is it: my last post of the year. Tomorrow a hectic day awaits me. I have to reach office as early as I can so that before it is eleven in the morning, I can complete a substantial part of my work. Then I will rush off to receive my love at the station and check her in safely at the hotel. Then I will come home, get my laptop for her and after having arranged for her lunch, will rush back to office. Then I need to leave by seven at the least so that I, my love and my friend and his wife can all go together to the New Year event at the Taj and have some good fun while we rush into 2010.

That is going to be my first experience at any New Year party. Can you believe that I have never been to any disc or New Year parties ever before? That’s true in my case so believe me and wish me some luck so that things move smoothly. :)

Let’s welcome 2010 and hope that we all get to live this year like never before and it fulfills us with what we all are in need of. A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010 to all of you from my heart……….

Top 10 from my life this Year: 2009

2009-12-28T14:54:00.001-05:00

Today I read about a New Year symptom which is really a very common one. The Top Ten syndrome which has gained more popularity with the growing World Wide Web and it is then that I realized how true it is. Almost everyone, about everything, at the yearend comes up with a Top Ten list whether you like it or not. Why only ten and why not twenty or what is the legacy behind or benefit from having such a list are some things unanswered. You can easily get a Top Ten about music this year or movies this year or the tourist destinations most favored or the car sales and what not. All I can get you here is my Top Ten list, which details about the major happenings of my life this year and it goes as below:

1. I oscillated pretty well from preparing for Java/J2ee to GMAT and had almost two months of brainstorming and preparation done. I visited BTG (www.beatthegmat.com) regularly and posted and read and got into the habit of reading the economist and suddenly realized that I need to have a backup plan before I plan for the MBA. 70% of the preparation was done and I put all of it into water and started with my technological exposure.
2. Two of my closest friends left the city. One went chasing his dreams for an onsite opportunity at the states which sadly boomed after a few months and the other had no choice when his office shifted city. Another one left with me, left too and surprisingly came back after a few months as he hopped a job. At the end, it’s just the two of us, and the group of four is broken. Now it is just about being in touch.
3. The love of life started with her MBA degree this year and went on to stay with five unique characters. Her day-to-day happenings at home, if quoted, will be something to read and I can bet on that. What happens when six girls stay together? Ask me….i can now predict a bit. Apart from that, studies and the big word career is always there. So it has been a busy packed tight personal life for me. Hope all of it pays off and she gets her share of deserving happiness and credit when it is time.
4. I resigned back at my work. I was unable to take the pressure and opportunity of working with six fools taking my credit and misbehaving, all of that under an insensible manager and an always demanding lead. Sitting at the office and waiting for some work to come from the client and that too on a weekend at night ten sacrificing my dinner and love and personal life for nothing but complains and illogical comparisons took the better of me. I had my day and thank GOD for getting me two options to join in another two months. Hope everything that has started good ends good too.
5. The whole year remains sprinkled with days at GYM. I tried many a times and failed more than often to keep the momentum. I am happy that I tried and sad that I failed and guilty that I didn’t try whole heartedly. So many occurrences had never happened before in a year. Seems like I will get it up and running in a few years down the lane.
6. I started my anonymous blog where you are currently and I have loved every bit of it. Though there have been tradeoffs as to posting of pictures and snaps, still as long as I have the freedom to write and express and share, I am happy. And I am happy that I have all of you as my readers. You all have made this world much more special and in a hidden way, have encouraged me to pen down my feelings and thoughts. I owe you all. Blogging and all of you bloggers are a part of my life and I always feel great about having you all here.
7. A big highlight of this year for me was receiving my passport on 1st JAN, 2009. I got it on the D-Day of the year and people who know how I had struggled to get it can only understand its significance. I had a post about it in my previous blog and someday I would share the same. It is the only evidence that I have to show off my perseverance and passion for getting things done when I want them.
8. Earlier I used to meet my love once a year but this year was a special one. We were able to spend a lot of time together and I thank GOD and destiny for that. We have been to places and we had fun and we shared our lives for days and our bondage has increased. Not to say that now we are more eager to meet and miss each other more. Somehow, they happened, sometimes planned and sometimes unplanned but, they were equally fulfilling and lovely. This year is special.
9. I started watching “How I met your Mother” and it is the second awesome thing to which I was introduced to by my love, the first one being Harry Potter. I am presently into season 4 and believe me guys, it is just as what Mr. Barney says “AWESOME”. I love it and I am hooked. I wonder what next would it be once am done with the currently running Season 5 episodes.
10. As a person, this year has changed me a lot. I want to get married to my love. I wanted that since long. Just that now I want it badly. I am done with a bachelor life and want to settle down with her as soon as possible. I now prefer taking a longer look down a few years in whatever I choose and want to add some substance to my life which can make it seem like being alive. My love for her seems to be redefined and I am eagerly waiting for my heart to pulsate the way it deserves to be.

Sorry to the ones who made it to this line. It came out to be a big post. A summation of a year wasn’t easy and I have tried my best to pen down all that was meaningful and significant to me this year. That was a year in my life and a few days down, it would be my past. Hope I was able to make you a part of it the best way I could have.

2010 Resolutions

2009-12-27T02:42:00.001-05:00

I love New Year resolutions. Having resolutions makes me connect very well to the arriving of the New Year. Since my childhood, it has been a common practice. And seven days into the year, all of them would be into the thin air. That’s how it always works. New Year resolutions are made to be broken. But one should always try. And for this belief, I shall try again this year too. Below is what I resolute to do:

1. I won’t smoke. Smoking kills. And I would try my best to stop it. I should understand that it is just a habit and anything that makes me think that smoking might help is just another excuse. I am addicted and addiction has got no excuses. I should care for people who love me and stop it. A human brain has all the power it needs to control and restrain.
2. I would GYM. Time and again I have been at it and given up. Sometime the reasons were justified and sometimes which is more than often, it was me. My love for Garfield and calories has to take a back seat and I should exercise to have a shape. I have already started feeling bad about the way I look and I should do something about it before things grow out of bounds. At the least, four times a week is what I would administer for myself.
3. I will hit GOA for certain this year. It was planned thrice. It got cancelled thrice. And not to speak of the bucks which I have lost in the process. I would keep all my shame and ego at the backseat and go and ask and plan it again with everyone and will do it come whatever may. 2011 will surely not have this one in the do-list. I love traveling and there is no logic to go anywhere if GOA hasn’t happened.
4. There are things pending and a driver license and Tai Chi tops the list. I tried both and left them half way through. Though I feel going for a four wheeler license is more logical, Tai Chi should have no diversions. I have already paid for the course and ten classes away from my first step. And Toastmasters has to happen. Though I am aware that it is there at the new company I am going to join, still, if not, then I should put in the effort to do that at the Toastmasters club of Hyderabad. All of these are necessary.

Don’t you think that was huge? I felt it when I was penning it down. Still, that is the list and here it is. History has it that I always score a zero. It is all about hope and the New Year 2010…..so wish me luck. Welcoming a New Year without any resolutions seems lame but not being able to fulfill them doesn’t. :-)

Christmas TO New Year

2009-12-26T10:26:00.007-05:00

Christmas is gone. I am sad. I am waiting for my dream Christmas to happen. Someday some year it would happen. My friend happened to know a church in the city. So below are few pics I managed to take. It was crowded but yet, I find peace when I am at a church. Overall, it was great.

I happened to watch 3 Idiots today and we amongst us had a person who is a big fan of Chetan Bhagat, the author of a book from which the movie is inspired. He felt devastated where as I liked the flick. I can understand him through and through as I have encountered such same conflicts while watching Harry potter having read the whole series multiple times. That’s what happens. Hardly have I seen wherein a book or a piece of literature has been done justice. Sometimes, it happens to be the audience oriented director or sometimes the revenue caring producer. But I guess, Lord Of the Rings was Ok…

Hyderabad is tensed. The local political drama is getting complicated and the next few days are difficult to predict. Two days of local “bandh” in the city has already caused a big loss. Hope things settle down soon before 30th December, else I would have to cry. I hope my plans stay as they are and become a practical fact with the New Year…..

By the way, though the Christmas is over, they say it is Christmas time leading all the way to the New Year. It always happens that this period of the year makes me sad for reasons unknown. It might be the coming of a new year or the end of another…..i could never exactly figure it out…but guys, I love this phase of the year. I am having plans to put down a few resolutions for the New Year..but it would be my next post…till then….happy preparing for the New Year….

Merry Christmas..to you ALL

2009-12-24T13:20:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas to all of you!!!

I got to know about Christ and Christianity more during my stay at CMCH, Vellore, a Christian hospital where I was admitted at the age of ten for my heart operation. That was the time when I heard jingles and the star. I saw a church for the first time. It appealed to me more than any temple I had ever visited. Whenever I go to a church, I feel this unique peace and solace which I was never able to feel at a temple. Something in it attracts me. And this time of the year, I just love it. It’s one out of my bucket list to celebrate Christmas in Europe or US once with my love with me. It is best celebrated there and I want to feel it there with all the snow around. One day I will….

This Christmas I have a reason to be happy. I have two job offers with me and have successfully resigned at my work place. 2010 holds a new team with a new surrounding and Java. Plans are there to spend the New Year eve together but only time and luck can now make it a practicality.

And any of you, staying at Europe or the states, do me a favor and post some awesome Christmas pics…….i am waiting…