MERRY CHRISTMAS to all of you.

I just read my last year’s Christmas post. Last year, I wrote I was happy as I had two job offers and was serving my notice period with my employer. This year, I find that I am still looking for a job change. This time I want to go abroad and earn in foreign currency which can make my future better in India. So, basically nothing has changed. Why I didn’t do it then (what I am doing now) is a valid question and I don’t have any answers to that. If any of you has ever job hunted, probably you know then, what a big pain it is. And for the records, I have been doing all through 2010. Some year it has been. I don’t even have a count to the number of interviews I have appeared and taken too, for my firm.

It’s 25th December and I didn’t had the blast I always want to, on Christmas. I went to the church to see Christ, burned candles and came home and took my parents for dinner outside. Another year down and I still have my dream with me, untouched and pure. The dream to spend Christmas with my love amidst snow falls and freezing temperatures in some far off land amidst a lot of Santa’s…. :D

Well, with no idea when that’s going to happen, let me wish all of you once again…MERRY CHRISTMAS. And I hope Santa makes his presence felt for I still believe in his magical presence at the North Pole. All I will do now is to go out in the cold and stare at the star studded sky…it feels magical and I find myself a little more away from reality, closer to Santa….I find peace.

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My Happiness: Decoded

It’s Christmas Eve and I am sitting at my room, alone. As I take a bit of a dark chocolate, I can sense that I am elated. At this point, I am really feeling good. It seems to be a perfect time to have a look at things that really do or can make me happy. Here they go…..

Chocolates and Ice Creams: For me, always a mood lifter, a welcome anytime and satisfaction guaranteed.

Nights spent outside: My night affairs with nature always gear me up. Even if it is one of the deepest lows ever, I get the zeal to jump back. The cold breeze, the silence, the darkness and the awkwardness of the hour makes me feel more in tune with myself. It has always been a mood booster.

Trip/Travel: They are fun to plan and they are the best way to unwind. Though currently I see myself doing that once a year, the target to have them quarterly. Trekking and photography are tightly bound to it and all of it always is very exciting. It’s definitely something which has kept me in motion.

Coding: It is just a 4 years old love story. But it takes me off to another vertical. I feel much more at ease and in control when I see a system or a problem in front of me that needs coding. Java is the city where we first met and it has been all love since. Nothing like a busy day at office, coding the time away.

Games: I love being a gamer. PC Games kill time like no other. They distress me and I feel creatively engaged in something heavenly and unique in a masterly skillful manner. I just love them. Period.

Electronic Gadgets: Whenever i get one, i feel atop the world. I don't have a huge set of them but i do remember the way i felt when i got my Laptop, Digital camera and Phone. Its an occasional indulgence, but worthy enough to last long.

Movies/Blogging: They aren’t a regular always welcome and that’s the reason I name them at the last. But they do have the power to dress up my mood sometimes. Movies have always been a favorite and blogging helps a lot in putting my mind in place.

That looks like a small list. They say i am materialistic in nature and may be i am. But its all of the materialism i care for. :)


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My 2010

Another year comes to an end. The habit of putting in 2010 has to end soon. There won’t be another chance to re-live it. It would forever remain a special one for me. As I always love doing, let me retrospect and try revisiting all the major turns and corners of 2010.

The good ones go as below:

1. I got recruited. I got offers from multiple organizations. I successfully shifted whenever I needed to. To add more to that, I had shifted twice this year. I know that is bad. I say that is good because I ended up in one of the major Investment Banks of the world. I know where I started and I know where I am today.

2. My love got recruited. Believe me you all, this is the best part of this year. This singular fact makes me say that I am never gonna forget 2010 ever in my life. You say it’s no big deal. I say it is. I know what I was into, what we were into and what she was into. It was so big a relief; it was so much needed, it was so essential for us that I don’t even mind terming 2010 as the best year of my life till date.

3. This year gave me football. I was always crazy about it. But in the past few years, I wasn’t living and thinking it. Now I do. I always love madness. Today when I stay awake till 3 AM in the night for matches of Barcelona, I really feel good. It makes me feel I am alive. I have even surpassed my English Premier League fan-friends in covering La-Liga and Champions League. I must Seria-A and Bundesliga are in queue too. The passion for the game which the world cup ignited doesn’t seem to end.

4. I was never appreciated at work. Today I am. I have also been asked to visit US and Canada. That’s not a biggie. Well, it is. It is so new to me that I am not going to let go the feeling. I must admit that it’s very dear to me. I am not someone who can manipulate and oil people up the hierarchy. And when being the person that I am gets things because I deserved it, it deserves to be remembered.

5. I traveled a lot this year, for fun. I had been to Bhandardara, a beautiful hill station near Mumbai and Goa on an official team offsite meet. While the earlier was really crazy with all friends and love and trekking into the hills and having good time, the latter was all about boozing carefree, exquisite lodging experience and flight travels for free. Had it not been for my documents, I would also have travelled to Canada and US this year. Nez…

The bad ones go as below:

1. I scheduled my GMAT exam, forgot the scheduled date and wrongly thought it to be the next day. No one does that. These days, something pretty wrong is on with me and dates. I keep messing them all the time. I lost a good deal of money and my 2 Months. It was hard to get over it.

2. I gave up MBA. Today I can say a NO to an MBA for at least the next three years. I would have loved to do that. But I realized the hard way that I need bucks to take care of my dependents. MBA needs motivation. Motivation is the last thing you can expect of yourself when you have money and responsibilities at hand. The hour asks me to make a difference. I have to try. I had to give up on my MBA dreams.

3. At the start of the year, I moved out of a brokerage firm and got myself into a service based organization. That was a huge mistake. I should have expected bad things to happen when I am moving out of a product based firm. I got amongst people who played politics, who never cared for what I know and soon I found myself doing work which ideally suits graduates fresh out of college. I gave my days and nights for accusations and manipulative mails undermining my merit. I had to give up. I gave up in 3 months, much sooner than what I had expected. I got into a major investment bank. It was great but I did that at the cost of another organization experience on my profile and with a 0% hike. To the people who see my profile today and to me, we only understand how all of this looks today.

4. I got my parents over to stay with me. I always thought that my being the only son added to their woes and left them lonely. I was wrong. They stayed here for six months and they are worse here. They miss their place, they don’t have anyone to talk to, they feel being caged and all of it makes them behave in weird ways. So they are going back. All of this was a big mistake. I did it as I thought of saving bucks as we stayed together. I never thought that staying together was the last thing on their minds.

5. I have become possessed about money. My needs have taken care of me. I always used to be the one who joked about going abroad and my friends know how badly I hated the thought of being left alone in a far off land. I have given them nightmares with my logic and views over the same. It’s the same me which is now in the cat race of going onsite, working abroad and earning bucks. Certainly it’s not the old me anymore. The currency seems to matter a lot to me now. Staying alone doesn’t scare me anymore. I am excited and hopeful about my new thoughts but I am scared too. On the whole, I feel the change which has come in me, is bad. Who likes being driven by money?

That was 2010 for me. I always get emotional and sentimental about the year coming to an end. It always reminds me that nothing stays the same, ever. That change is the only constant makes more sense during this time of the year. But I also wonder what all of this is about. I hope that I am able to do all of this the next year too. And I wish the same for all of you too. Life is strange. As one of my favorite movie quotes go "Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you get".

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Why/How to Blog?

Let me try to address the question “Why/How to Blog?”

Many are there who question the same, and many start a blog and give up someday. As I reach the 150 post mark (nothing great but feels great), I thought it would be apt to pen down a few pointers as to why we blog and how we should. Hope it helps someone, somewhere, someway……

1. A blog isn’t only about writing. There are blogs about everything that you can think of. Blogs range from photography, cartoons, movies, wines, cooking, jokes, self-learning, technology, travel, politics, current affairs, share trading, business ideas, books, games, MBA, sex stories, school days, memoirs, fashion, festivities, hobbies and anything that you can relate yourself to. The trick which makes a blog tick is to choose and blog about what you feel for. It need not be words and words only. It can be anything. It can be anything that you want to keep an online journal about. The more you fit in to this road, the longer you shall last. It’s about being YOU, online.

2. A blog isn’t about followers and comments either. When you post, mostly you love it when someone reads it and follows your posts. Comments do feel motivating and are inspiring. But even if you don’t have whole of the world with you, who has? The number you see there is just a number. Blog for yourself and you shall rule. Whenever you feel you don’t have ample readers, remind yourself, you blog for yourself. Doing it matters more than to have people seeing you do it.

3. Blog is highly beneficial. For me, a post helps me when I am high and happy and when I am low and sad. It helps me getting my mind in place. It helps me gauge my direction and the distance I have covered. It helps me question myself, my beliefs, my thoughts and my days. It engages my mind in something I call as “being creative about ME”. It feels great when I see words from my life out there in the World Wide Web. It reassures me of my presence. And above all, it is fun and satisfaction, guaranteed. On another note, I gathered information about GMAT, MBA and schools which i never thought i could. It wasn't Google. It was blogger.com.

4. A blog helps you connect. Believe me when I say this, bloggers are just awesome. I have hardly come across a blogger who isn’t being real out there. For if you aren’t being real, you can’t last. And that’s what makes this whole of blogsphere so cool, so real, so good and so true. I get a positive vibe when I visit pages. It is wonderful to sneak into the lives of people around you. You connect to souls living god knows where and share. Visit any blog placed randomly in some forum, go through the pages, hang around there and you will realize.

5. Blog only when you want. Get over that habit of posting every day. There is no compulsion. Stick to one most important motto: post only when you really want to. A blog shouldn’t be about writing something about something every day. It is also about making others know were there. It is about enjoying and experiencing all of it that is out there. Don’t forget to be a honest reader/follower, if you are.

6. A Blog is simply you. It’s expression online. So try to be “YOU” in whatever ways you can. Only you can feel yourself. Get those feelings onto your blog. Let the blog be what you are, what you were and what you can be. For example, don’t just post something about the Christmas coz everyone else is doing that. Post about what you relate to. Honesty matters most.

7. Publicize your blog, if you want to. These are the days of facebook and twitter. When the social connectivity is THE THING, it’s normal to see peers bragging/sharing/talking about their blogs. Its publicity and it does help. But not everyone. If you aren’t comfy with publicizing your pages, don’t do it. There is no rule. Being you is the rule. And the same applies to the tons of tools out there like monetizing your pages, feed burners, blogger forums, contests, do-follow blogs, blog networks etc. The point here is not to burden yourself with things which isn’t you. It may cloud you blogging experience.

8. Visit your blog. You should be your best reader and follower. If you don’t find yourself doing that, the case might be that you don’t really like what you do out there. I often visit my blog at work. It makes me wonder if all that is mine. It’s private and confidential, yet for display. And to be honest, I find my blog always the best. :)

9. Blog isn’t a necessity/compulsion. If you can’t relate to it till now, don’t blog. Having a blog just because everyone has will get you nowhere more than an additional web link that you need to log into. With life going crazy online, there might be things which are for you. An unfinished venture hurts more than the one you never started.

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Top Se7en reasons: Why DECEMBER.

1. I love the night of 31st December and the morning of 1st January. The end and the start, they both make me feel very different. In India, a new year usually means no more than a night party with all the boozing and friends around. Some go on for vacations and some spend it at home with their closed ones. But for me, when I say it makes me feel different; I don’t refer to any of these. I like stopping and looking back. It always makes more sense; it enables me to see where and how I was and where and how I am today. It’s a feeling which encompasses nostalgia, memories, past aspirations and plans and dreams. It feels good and bad, alike. And it is this time of the year that makes perfect sense to be chosen over the others.


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2. I love Christmas. I am not a Christian but I make it a point to visit the church every year on this day, wherever I might be. I was operated at the age of 10 in a Christian hospital and from that very age, I am aware of the Bible, Christianity, churches and Christ. Strangely, I never find peace at a temple. I always find that at a church. It’s too personal a view but that’s how it happens with me. For others, how can you turn your back to those beautifully decorated churches, the candles, carols and jingles, the rum cakes and the star which never fails to catch attention? If you have never been to a church, be there and you will see for yourself.


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3. I proposed my love on 1st December. She means life to me. So, I am alive since December.

4. My love got her job on 10th December, this year. I cannot be happier and never have I ever been.

5. I am an Information Technology guy and my clients are almost always based in the US. This time of the year is a sure holiday for them. At my level, it means more peace at work, easy hours during the day and less burden. It is live and let live, but practical and for real.


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6. Do you believe in Santa? Whenever I tell myself, there is no Santa, I remind myself of the “Polar Express” and those countless times I have seen and heard of him. Snowfall without him makes no sense. And although it might sound childish and silly, at night when I stare up at the sky and wish it would have been falling snow, Santa fits in the best in those starry skies. So, there it is. Even though I know that he doesn’t exist, I love believing that he does.


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7. I love nights. Cold nights are the best. December guarantees that it would be the coldest. Go outside, roam around, listen to music and feel that breeze all over your face through your hairs. Its solace redefined and fulfilling.


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My love got a job.

The news is just in and 10th of December, 2010 would forever be in bold letters henceforth in the pages from of life. My love got a job placement through campus and this marks a successful end to her MBA. It also marks an end to the long journey she had till today, we had till today and I personally had till today. To see this day, she had been through all that could possibly go wrong for her in all the corners of her life.

She didn’t sit for the placements during engineering because I wasn’t fine with her doing a job as I was an over possessive lover. Day by day I was becoming suicidal and things trivial were enough to put me onto depression. Still, she stayed with me through all of that and spent another two years at home trying first six months for her tuitions to work followed by a GATE preparation phase marred finally by her sudden illness and a year preparing for her MBA with all that she had left in herself. She finally made it to a college as countless nights of fights, tears, loneliness and frustration came to an end. But it was just another start. One year rolled by and for the last five months we have brainstormed about masking her almost 3 year break in career while she stayed at home. We have failed countless times with things getting worse as companies visiting her college campus refused to take her in. She got rejected several times in the final round and all we had to blame for was the gap she had. It was logical to do that. Yesterday night was no other. We discussed hours trying to look at the case from alternate options.

As I always say, destiny knows when, how and what. And none the different has it been. She finally got through today and I thank you GOD from the bottom of my heart with all that I have. Today I feel relaxed off a huge burden and guilt. I know what has happened because of me can never be compensated but still, I am happy. Today I won’t complain. Saying it once didn’t work quite well, so here it goes again. I am happy. I am more than happy. I am so happy that I haven’t read anything since I heard the news. And I am so happy that I really don’t care what happens tomorrow as I sit for my technical interview written test. And I must say, I am proud of my love.

This has been some journey.

Cheers.

It just happens...oopss..

Whenever I head towards something with focus, things happen. It’s a rule which applies only to me. Over time, I have adapted myself to it and now all I do about them is to face them and smile.

On Saturday I am going to appear for a technical test for an opportunity at another Investment Bank and I have high hopes that they can pay me more. A high pay, onto the scale which I am looking out for, would solve many a problems for me. It’s another topic all together how I realized that it’s almost a year since I started looking for a change. It surely has been a year, endless nights of preparation and two companies which got added onto my profile and I am still there in the market, dreaming and trying everyday for a better paying job. Anyways, onto the story at hand, I decide to take a day off from work and prepare at home. My manager calls me up and asks to come over to work in the evening as my business head from U.S. is in the city and an all hands meet has been planned across teams which report to him. Bored with myself, I head for office, sit and hear him happily wondering about the things that are left to be read and I get a recognition award as he announces my name and in the next 20 minutes, I am told by my manager that I would be rated as an exceeding expectations candidate in the appraisal which is one month down the lane and that she has already decided the ratings. I head back home with so many good feelings. And that’s the problem I was referring to.

When you are a hopeless void (i.e. an empty black hole sucking in everything around which is not just good but all the bad too) and you try day in and day out to make things different, something which can put you off your tracks or makes you feel better is actually deceptive in nature. Staying focused and doing what you were becomes so much more difficult. That’s bad. That’s fate not playing fair with you.

Playlist 2010

The year is rolling towards an end. It makes sense for a list of songs that rocked my days the whole year with an assumption that something new won’t come up in the days left and sweep me off my foot. And the list goes as below...

Just the Way You Are - Bruno Mars
Baby – Justin Bieber
Somebody to Love – Justin Bieber
My World - Justin Bieber
Need You Now – Lady Antebellum
American Honey - Lady Antebellum
Love This Pain - Lady Antebellum
Only Girl (In the World) – Rihanna
Teenage Dream – Katy Perry
Last Friday Might (T.G.I.F.) – Katy Perry
California Gurls – Katy Perry
Firework – Katy Perry
The One That Got Away - Katy Perry
Alejandro - Lady Gaga
Mine - Taylor Swift
Back to December - Taylor Swift

A special mention for the two albums which were simply amazing as a whole…..

A Thousand Suns – Linkin Park
Dark Horse - Nickelback

That summarizes the music of the year 2010 for me. :)

A NEW me.

There are things in life which I want. I want to have a better life and enjoy the so called materialistic world. When I was yet to start working, I always felt that there was nothing I can’t have. That belief is still there. There are friends/people around me who often wonder if they would ever own a BMW and Europe trips at leisure. My response to them has always been a “Why Not”.

During the last few months I can see that faith in myself dwindling like never before. I am working in one of the biggest Investment Banks, I know what I do and I am better in what I do than people around me. I also earn decent bucks. Ok, to answer where the problem lies, my responsibilities are huge. And as I head towards a 30 and a marriage in coming 1-2 years, I question myself about what my friends used to wonder a few years back. It’s pain that I feel inside. I am not afraid of losing. I am afraid of not having tried.

It has been a year. Never did I have a day when I could come back home from work and enjoy myself. It has remained a relentless journey to excel and better my situation. In these four years of work, I have read more than anyone can during their four years of engineering. And all of that hasn’t gone futile. I have been lucky with interviews, jobs and employers but not with money. That defines what my problem is.

An Indian Information Technology Male who used to be onsite-hater and mock people dying to travel abroad is today seeing that as the only way ahead. I ended up at the same corners. That’s life. It always asks you to portray how badly you want things in life. Rest, in some cases only, gets taken care of.

1-12-2010 (Now a seven year story...)

1st of December: A day destined to be, a day I chose to be as the day to propose my love. Seven years have passed since then. It seems long and short. I often wonder is it me. Me being the last person on this planet to stick to something, being the partly true Gemini that I am, being the ever fleeting wind and being the change lover always, is here, scoring good. But isn’t that’s what love is? It happens and when it happens, there is no denying it.

The years have not been all the rosy ones. No one ever gets all the roses only I guess. So, quite unexceptionally, the same ups and downs of which we all know about did indeed happen with us too. And like all of you, I too feel proud that we are together and it’s still “US”. This is the only thing I ever got right in my life. When the day is a long one and a bad one, as I take a break from work and call her up, I realize how tougher it could have been had she not been there for me.

Today, as I sit here writing this post, I don’t feel the need of writing anything else. Putting down anything as to how much I love her and how we can rock together and how happy we can be etc makes me wonder if it would belittle the event, its story and its importance. I just want to be together.

@GOD: Thanks...once again. :)

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