A NEW me.

There are things in life which I want. I want to have a better life and enjoy the so called materialistic world. When I was yet to start working, I always felt that there was nothing I can’t have. That belief is still there. There are friends/people around me who often wonder if they would ever own a BMW and Europe trips at leisure. My response to them has always been a “Why Not”.

During the last few months I can see that faith in myself dwindling like never before. I am working in one of the biggest Investment Banks, I know what I do and I am better in what I do than people around me. I also earn decent bucks. Ok, to answer where the problem lies, my responsibilities are huge. And as I head towards a 30 and a marriage in coming 1-2 years, I question myself about what my friends used to wonder a few years back. It’s pain that I feel inside. I am not afraid of losing. I am afraid of not having tried.

It has been a year. Never did I have a day when I could come back home from work and enjoy myself. It has remained a relentless journey to excel and better my situation. In these four years of work, I have read more than anyone can during their four years of engineering. And all of that hasn’t gone futile. I have been lucky with interviews, jobs and employers but not with money. That defines what my problem is.

An Indian Information Technology Male who used to be onsite-hater and mock people dying to travel abroad is today seeing that as the only way ahead. I ended up at the same corners. That’s life. It always asks you to portray how badly you want things in life. Rest, in some cases only, gets taken care of.

Solve Me

Sometimes I think that I am on the correct way. I have a job and I got a better job which would pay me OK and the love of my life is with me and time will take care of us for the better and eventually everything would turn out fine.

Sometimes I think that I should strive for more and never stop this urge for going up the ladder and my efforts should be more coherent and focused to get me some better bucks and that the more I struggle the better I would reap and that I should start thinking seriously about my entrepreneurship worm inside or the ISB dream.

I am confused. Maybe it is just the empty brain doing the thing or may be that I should learn to stop and enjoy. Or maybe that nothing can ever satisfy me or make me happy. May be I always want more and more but who doesn’t? Help me solve me if anyone can…

Get me some more....

Money is driving me crazy. I have got two job offers and I have a little more than a month before I join one of them. And before that happens I need an offer which gets me good bucks. The recruiters out there are giving me the same shit whenever they call me…”I hope you know how the market is now”…..but I can see so many around me getting a good pay across all verticals irrespective of what they know and are capable of. My belief in destiny and luck is getting stronger day by day. Seems to me like the universe follows a pre-decided thought out plan and nothing that seems chaotic here is really chaotic. There is a harmony in the execution of events and time is just a tool to fool. You end up where you are supposed to and not where you deserve to.