Whenever I head towards something with focus, things happen. It’s a rule which applies only to me. Over time, I have adapted myself to it and now all I do about them is to face them and smile.
On Saturday I am going to appear for a technical test for an opportunity at another Investment Bank and I have high hopes that they can pay me more. A high pay, onto the scale which I am looking out for, would solve many a problems for me. It’s another topic all together how I realized that it’s almost a year since I started looking for a change. It surely has been a year, endless nights of preparation and two companies which got added onto my profile and I am still there in the market, dreaming and trying everyday for a better paying job. Anyways, onto the story at hand, I decide to take a day off from work and prepare at home. My manager calls me up and asks to come over to work in the evening as my business head from U.S. is in the city and an all hands meet has been planned across teams which report to him. Bored with myself, I head for office, sit and hear him happily wondering about the things that are left to be read and I get a recognition award as he announces my name and in the next 20 minutes, I am told by my manager that I would be rated as an exceeding expectations candidate in the appraisal which is one month down the lane and that she has already decided the ratings. I head back home with so many good feelings. And that’s the problem I was referring to.
When you are a hopeless void (i.e. an empty black hole sucking in everything around which is not just good but all the bad too) and you try day in and day out to make things different, something which can put you off your tracks or makes you feel better is actually deceptive in nature. Staying focused and doing what you were becomes so much more difficult. That’s bad. That’s fate not playing fair with you.
Showing posts with label Destiny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Destiny. Show all posts
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Never Ever Ever Give Up ? ? ?
Presently, if I were to replicate my situation, I would choose a dog in a boat amidst the ocean. The only way for it to survive is to hold on to itself till the boat reaches some friendly shore with time. My intellect can’t think of anything which might draw a better analogy to my life at this juncture. A curios mind may ask "WHY". It goes as this...
My love is depressed and frustrated and is badly in need for a job. And with her, I share the same concerns. The problem is that she is having a tough time for a gap she has in her career which was due to me. And that makes things as complicated as watching the movie “Inception” without the sound or the subtitles. She is down and so am I. And to make things worse, we are in a distance relationship. All your care and concerns and love are supposed to follow the protocol “cell phones”. It feels like a pain in the (whatever...take your pick), the place where it hurts the most.
I have my parents as my dependents and as I struggle harder to make things better in every possible way, their complaints and views on life still remains as a never changing weather. Nothing can make them happy. It is becoming increasingly difficult for me to stay at home. My words are often assumed as an offense, my behavior constantly criticized and monitored and my views, all together impractical. It is now like this: I am reduced to stay in my own room in my own house. I seldom go out of my room. My cell phone and Internet connection are the only channels I have for outside communication. I don’t feel like confronting them for whatever.
My job too, being the bitch life is, resonates perfectly with everything else that I have been just scribbling about. I am a 4+ years server side developer doing what a fresher out of college is supposed to do at work and I am hugely under paid considering that I work for one of the best investment banks. I often wonder why i was recruited. And on top of it, I have people in my team who are politically active, culturally racist and professionally moronic in their behavior. There seems to be no way ahead for me to rise here. I am stuck once again. It’s the same quick sand story.
On a personal front, my ambitions to get an MBA are now looking like day dreams. An MBA, the way I want it, needs dedication, motivation and a constant strive to improve on a lot of grounds and to have some substantial leadership experience which is a must needed aspect of my profile. But, being a human that I am, I am unable to muster anything to get me going. A cat not even able to go for the cat race…....
The only solace I now-a-days find is in peeing when I want to and sleeping when I feel tired. Apart from these two I don't identify with any other joy that might exist in this so called world. And I hurts the most when I remember the words...
Image Source
My love is depressed and frustrated and is badly in need for a job. And with her, I share the same concerns. The problem is that she is having a tough time for a gap she has in her career which was due to me. And that makes things as complicated as watching the movie “Inception” without the sound or the subtitles. She is down and so am I. And to make things worse, we are in a distance relationship. All your care and concerns and love are supposed to follow the protocol “cell phones”. It feels like a pain in the (whatever...take your pick), the place where it hurts the most.
I have my parents as my dependents and as I struggle harder to make things better in every possible way, their complaints and views on life still remains as a never changing weather. Nothing can make them happy. It is becoming increasingly difficult for me to stay at home. My words are often assumed as an offense, my behavior constantly criticized and monitored and my views, all together impractical. It is now like this: I am reduced to stay in my own room in my own house. I seldom go out of my room. My cell phone and Internet connection are the only channels I have for outside communication. I don’t feel like confronting them for whatever.
My job too, being the bitch life is, resonates perfectly with everything else that I have been just scribbling about. I am a 4+ years server side developer doing what a fresher out of college is supposed to do at work and I am hugely under paid considering that I work for one of the best investment banks. I often wonder why i was recruited. And on top of it, I have people in my team who are politically active, culturally racist and professionally moronic in their behavior. There seems to be no way ahead for me to rise here. I am stuck once again. It’s the same quick sand story.
On a personal front, my ambitions to get an MBA are now looking like day dreams. An MBA, the way I want it, needs dedication, motivation and a constant strive to improve on a lot of grounds and to have some substantial leadership experience which is a must needed aspect of my profile. But, being a human that I am, I am unable to muster anything to get me going. A cat not even able to go for the cat race…....
The only solace I now-a-days find is in peeing when I want to and sleeping when I feel tired. Apart from these two I don't identify with any other joy that might exist in this so called world. And I hurts the most when I remember the words...
Image Source
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Get me some more....
Money is driving me crazy. I have got two job offers and I have a little more than a month before I join one of them. And before that happens I need an offer which gets me good bucks. The recruiters out there are giving me the same shit whenever they call me…”I hope you know how the market is now”…..but I can see so many around me getting a good pay across all verticals irrespective of what they know and are capable of. My belief in destiny and luck is getting stronger day by day. Seems to me like the universe follows a pre-decided thought out plan and nothing that seems chaotic here is really chaotic. There is a harmony in the execution of events and time is just a tool to fool. You end up where you are supposed to and not where you deserve to.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The List Toppers of Life
One of the best things about winter is the morning sun. Getting out of the cozy bed in the chill of the morning and going into the sunlight while looking over a misty cold haze is a joy which is hard for me to categorize. It is one of those which comes only with a life and I think, is amongst the small joys affordable even to a creature like me. And when it is all covered in fog and visibility is low, wait for the morning rays to pierce it and see it lift gradually. It is so refreshing. The cold air into my lungs feels like a blessing. Wish I could capture the whole phenomenon somehow……
One of my friends started his blog today. I had been telling him to do it since a long time and finally today was the day and his first post speaks about his visit to the Himalayas. The pics were so nice. I wanted to take some myself and a trek to the Himalayas has been long pending on my list. Those mountains which I have always preferred over the seas are irresistible. Last year I had collected information of such a trek which the Government of India organizes monthly but things didn’t work out. Planning and co-coordinating between friends when all of you work in IT is in itself an uphill task. And I still remember comments from some which goes like I have gone mad and I behaved a lunatic when I tried my options for such a trek. I pity them and wish that somehow in this birth of theirs they get to know what it is like up there in the Himalayas.
There is so much to do with a life. Hardest part is when you have to prioritize. And when it happens, somehow the second and the third ones on the list forever remains the way they are. Things move up from the bottom and become the winner. Some things just stay where they were on the list. Life changers come from deep down and turn things forever. That’s what destiny’s game is all about and that’s where plans almost always fail.
One of my friends started his blog today. I had been telling him to do it since a long time and finally today was the day and his first post speaks about his visit to the Himalayas. The pics were so nice. I wanted to take some myself and a trek to the Himalayas has been long pending on my list. Those mountains which I have always preferred over the seas are irresistible. Last year I had collected information of such a trek which the Government of India organizes monthly but things didn’t work out. Planning and co-coordinating between friends when all of you work in IT is in itself an uphill task. And I still remember comments from some which goes like I have gone mad and I behaved a lunatic when I tried my options for such a trek. I pity them and wish that somehow in this birth of theirs they get to know what it is like up there in the Himalayas.
There is so much to do with a life. Hardest part is when you have to prioritize. And when it happens, somehow the second and the third ones on the list forever remains the way they are. Things move up from the bottom and become the winner. Some things just stay where they were on the list. Life changers come from deep down and turn things forever. That’s what destiny’s game is all about and that’s where plans almost always fail.
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