This post is dedicated to YOU.
I still remember those eyes that were pure love. That breezy afternoon, us standing on the fifth floor of our main college building, waiting for the professor to come. It was dated 9th March, 2003. That was when you started it all. And life changed forever for me. You had that special thing always with you, for me. You took time to happen and when you happened, it was more than worthy. You gave me all that exceeded all that I could have asked for. You seemed and seem to be that one, different soul in this whole world. For more than once, you have held me during a fall. You defied your own self, for me. My last six years have all been dedicated to you, and as time passes, the years I have with me also shall always be yours. I put it here, because I wanted something only for you, within this space of mine. And it can never be mine or a part of my life until it has got YOU.
Times changed. People and our surroundings changed. Our interface to life changed. We moved to different cities. We go through different challenging routines of life. We win and we fall. We rise and we lose. But something hasn’t changed in all these years. That something has been you. Not that we didn’t had our share of bad times in this relationship but as you always say, we wanted to be together and that’s what has made us come back to each other, time and again. And here we stand, with our six years of moments and memoirs, of love and hate, of ups and downs, together. It would never have made this far without YOU.
At this juncture, I am missing you badly. In a way I never did before. I am sad being that way as I happen to skip things necessary and mortals around me keep on reminding me. But I am happier to have that feeling inside me. It makes me feel alive. It makes me realize what you are to me. It makes me see what exactly I want from life. It is YOU.
When you sent me this……..i couldn't help my tears. I thank god for having you in my life. Sometimes, tears are of joy....
Sunday, July 26, 2009
In A FiX..
I love coding and am a Java/J2EE developer and was happy with the challenges which I had at work and personally, I learnt a lot. I was doing good, delivering the needs on time and improvising my skill set until recently when I was moved to an altogether different technology named ColdFusion from Adobe, a decision which was business driven at a higher management level. And as time passes by, my hand on work experience with java is getting older. The new technology isn’t that hot and requirements seem less when I consider the job market here. My personal responsibilities don’t allow me to take whatever comes my way and sit quite. I am aware that I need to hop jobs to get a good rise of pay in the coming years, as I also plan to get married in the coming two years. But with the new one, I am not sure if I will be able to get a good shift at workplace and am losing my three years of experience as a java developer, with each passing day. Am trying the best I could have, with my profile updated on the job portals. Am getting calls from the recruiters but they never seem to come back for the process. Some aren’t fine with the amount of money I ask for and some aren’t willing to wait for two months after my resignation at the current place (a notice duration which I need to serve and is mandatory). I don’t know what to do. And the process is killing my interest and zeal to read and prepare. Things aren’t working out. At some point I feel, I should ask for less and get an interview scheduled but at the same time, if all these aren’t worth the reason I am looking out for change, the whole point is lost.
On the other, if I stay at the place I am and forget my love with java/J2EE, I have a chance to apply for post graduate program in management at ISB (Indian School of Business, Hyderabad), my dream. I have always wanted to be at a premiere institute. And having failed earlier, this is my last chance in life, to go for a university which ranks 15th in the world. I belong to an average Indian family and it’s not possible for me to apply and read abroad considering the huge amount of bucks involved. ISB is a preferred choice because it guarantees the course fees as a loan at subsidized rates and placements are good and the salary they attract is one of the best one can have in the industry. But as is with life and its options, there is again a trade off. I have a good working experience and a take at entrepreneurial engagement all by myself might make my profile look good with a few recommendations from people more than twenty years old in the industry.. Apart from that, considering that I will be able to score a 700+ in GMAT (LOL…that’s huge….but I can try), my academic background is mediocre. And for ISB, you need to have them all. The whole program is year long and they always prefer good scholars. So it will be a 50-50 that they consider my profile. And if they don’t, I am left with Adobe’s child on my lap.
I have never faced such a dilemma. I decided, with help from my love, to look out for change in the coming two/three months and give a shot for ISB after that, considering that I fail to hop job. But still, I am not sure. Career is a bad word. It kills. And it’s killing me. An as I key in those words, I remember myself, five years back, when I was the only one in my group of friends who used to say that there is no word termed “career”. It’s just something we do to get things in life. And as for people who attach identity and individuality with it, they are people who have nothing else left to do in their lives. Wish I could say the same now.
On the other, if I stay at the place I am and forget my love with java/J2EE, I have a chance to apply for post graduate program in management at ISB (Indian School of Business, Hyderabad), my dream. I have always wanted to be at a premiere institute. And having failed earlier, this is my last chance in life, to go for a university which ranks 15th in the world. I belong to an average Indian family and it’s not possible for me to apply and read abroad considering the huge amount of bucks involved. ISB is a preferred choice because it guarantees the course fees as a loan at subsidized rates and placements are good and the salary they attract is one of the best one can have in the industry. But as is with life and its options, there is again a trade off. I have a good working experience and a take at entrepreneurial engagement all by myself might make my profile look good with a few recommendations from people more than twenty years old in the industry.. Apart from that, considering that I will be able to score a 700+ in GMAT (LOL…that’s huge….but I can try), my academic background is mediocre. And for ISB, you need to have them all. The whole program is year long and they always prefer good scholars. So it will be a 50-50 that they consider my profile. And if they don’t, I am left with Adobe’s child on my lap.
I have never faced such a dilemma. I decided, with help from my love, to look out for change in the coming two/three months and give a shot for ISB after that, considering that I fail to hop job. But still, I am not sure. Career is a bad word. It kills. And it’s killing me. An as I key in those words, I remember myself, five years back, when I was the only one in my group of friends who used to say that there is no word termed “career”. It’s just something we do to get things in life. And as for people who attach identity and individuality with it, they are people who have nothing else left to do in their lives. Wish I could say the same now.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Questions...
Why do we love and what is love?
In these years, I came to read so much about it. But still, when someone asks me, what it is, I say, I don’t know. I say that because I really don’t know. I have it for the last six years in my life. I can feel it. I miss it. I adore it. I long for it. I live for it. But still, I don’t really know what it is. If someone says its life, as I always prefer, it’s underrated. It’s more. And it is kind of very complex. At the same time, it is very simple. Pardon me, I may sound confused, but I can’t help it. I guess, it is everything and in everything. But, wait, I am still not done….is that all?
Moving on from what it really is or can be best described as, I wonder why is it in place? I ask that to myself because, I feel, love is not all that we want from life. Agreed that life is a journey and a bunch of countless games, which we play and win or lose, but certainly, I feel, love is not the only thing we would always like to play by. I don’t think that, given a person love, the way he/she wants, he/she can never be happy. Give someone nothing but love and that someone won’t even exist. We need an identity. We need our independence. We need our own time and our own priority list to be done. We need a society. We need ….It varies and it grows but sadly does it ever end? But still, I hear them say, love is all one needs. They plan to change things with love. They speak of love solving issues. I wonder how. A human is just an animal. It has its needs and wants. And love is just another item on that list. For some, it’s at the top and for some, it’s placed a bit down, and for some it doesn’t even exist. But it’s just another item. I am sad that I feel and question myself this way. Why do we have it inside and why is it always so tough, having it with us is something which boggles me. Why is it so important understanding and being understood, in love? Why the fight for being loved back, such a big deal? Why has the journey of life the power to end love and why can love end life? There are so many and I have so many of them inside me………..either I have gone mad or something is seriously wrong with me. But I know, I am in love with her, madly.
They say that world would have been such a wonderful place, had it all been filled with love. I say, it would have been much better had it been deprived of love. Choices would have been so simple. Mind and soul would have been at sync, working in unison. The journey wouldn’t have been so long, waiting and missing. Words would never have that power. Death and life would have been just a flip of a coin. Dreams would never had that thirst of fulfillment. Care and faith would have run for their own destiny. GOD would have given fate a thought. Creation would have been flawed. I am tiered…..it’s again the same way…there are so many and I have so many of them inside me…….either I am not living or I am denying being dead. But I know, I am in a world where love exists and has a stronghold, undoubtedly.
Why does one know and what is about knowing things? Do we really know things or is it just a false imprint of what our senses has to say….WILL SOMEONE SAVE ME……I’M LOST………………………
In these years, I came to read so much about it. But still, when someone asks me, what it is, I say, I don’t know. I say that because I really don’t know. I have it for the last six years in my life. I can feel it. I miss it. I adore it. I long for it. I live for it. But still, I don’t really know what it is. If someone says its life, as I always prefer, it’s underrated. It’s more. And it is kind of very complex. At the same time, it is very simple. Pardon me, I may sound confused, but I can’t help it. I guess, it is everything and in everything. But, wait, I am still not done….is that all?
Moving on from what it really is or can be best described as, I wonder why is it in place? I ask that to myself because, I feel, love is not all that we want from life. Agreed that life is a journey and a bunch of countless games, which we play and win or lose, but certainly, I feel, love is not the only thing we would always like to play by. I don’t think that, given a person love, the way he/she wants, he/she can never be happy. Give someone nothing but love and that someone won’t even exist. We need an identity. We need our independence. We need our own time and our own priority list to be done. We need a society. We need ….It varies and it grows but sadly does it ever end? But still, I hear them say, love is all one needs. They plan to change things with love. They speak of love solving issues. I wonder how. A human is just an animal. It has its needs and wants. And love is just another item on that list. For some, it’s at the top and for some, it’s placed a bit down, and for some it doesn’t even exist. But it’s just another item. I am sad that I feel and question myself this way. Why do we have it inside and why is it always so tough, having it with us is something which boggles me. Why is it so important understanding and being understood, in love? Why the fight for being loved back, such a big deal? Why has the journey of life the power to end love and why can love end life? There are so many and I have so many of them inside me………..either I have gone mad or something is seriously wrong with me. But I know, I am in love with her, madly.
They say that world would have been such a wonderful place, had it all been filled with love. I say, it would have been much better had it been deprived of love. Choices would have been so simple. Mind and soul would have been at sync, working in unison. The journey wouldn’t have been so long, waiting and missing. Words would never have that power. Death and life would have been just a flip of a coin. Dreams would never had that thirst of fulfillment. Care and faith would have run for their own destiny. GOD would have given fate a thought. Creation would have been flawed. I am tiered…..it’s again the same way…there are so many and I have so many of them inside me…….either I am not living or I am denying being dead. But I know, I am in a world where love exists and has a stronghold, undoubtedly.
Why does one know and what is about knowing things? Do we really know things or is it just a false imprint of what our senses has to say….WILL SOMEONE SAVE ME……I’M LOST………………………
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Honesty of 10
MJ(Since I started my blog, she is one with the widest range of experiences in life, I till now came across.) tagged me for my second blog award. I am very happy and I can’t deny that. The award is, as she describes, for bloggers who “keep it real”. I tried my best doing that but still I wonder if one can truly have an unadulterated post, having put in all that one had the intention of. I can’t deny that thought.
The award comes with some rules: one being ten things about myself which one might not know and another is about tagging ten fellow bloggers for the award. Sadly, I have to break some of it. I am tagging two of my fellow bloggers. My list of ten is as follows:
1. I was operated upon at the age of ten for my heart. They said it had an abnormality by birth. The opening of one of my ventricular valves was a little short than it should ideally have been. I saw what an ICU is that early in my life. And that was when I saw people around, struggling to fight complexities in health, binding together with hope to fight death. It was a unique experience and I still feel lucky to have undergone such a journey. Thankfully, I did well after that and am considered normal now.
2. I always wanted to be a painter. I was in love with colors. I had to give it up for my studies and a career. Life is rough and has a lot of struggle, if you are to make it as a painter in India. And my parents didn’t want me to be a part of it.
3. I tried my hands at a couple of things which sadly I was unable to complete or pursue whole heartedly. But still, I feel good having tried all that. They include Martial Arts, Numerology, Palmistry, Tarots, Tai-Chi and Hacking.
4. Till I joined my job, I had never gone to a picnic or an outing with my friends. While at school, my parents didn’t allow me as I was the only child and that too with a heart operation and while at college and engineering things never worked out for me.
5. I started smoking to avoid feeling sleepy so that I would be able to read more, burning the oils before my semester exams at engineering. And it turned out to be an addiction. I still repent not being able to put up a good fight against smoking.
6. I can answer any question except one. Where do you see yourself five years down or what do you want from life? I don’t have any idea. I never had. I am not a person of plans.
7. My second tries have always been the best ones. If I try for the first time, I might fail. But if I give it a second try, no one can stop me. That has always been the case. And the thing which is hard about it is that not all my second tries were the best ones. Sometimes I failed having tried the best I could have in the first time.
8. I love debates and discussions. I love doing them and I love winning them. That’s the only arena where I maintain a full success rate of hundred.
9. I repent that I was never able to do anything for my grandmother. I loved her a lot. I always wanted to do something for her. Life didn’t give me that time. I saw her die. And I was denied one last look of her considering my emotional attachment. I looked for her after her death and could never answer questions as to where people land up after death. It still remains a mystery to me. I miss her a lot.
10. I am a self made man. If you know that there is a hole, some miles down the road, be sure to tell me and watch the fun. I would still go and fall into it and climb up back and learn about it. I prefer it that way. I consider failures to be very necessary and always prefer the road alone.
I would like to pass on this award to :
MissUnderstood
Farah
The award comes with some rules: one being ten things about myself which one might not know and another is about tagging ten fellow bloggers for the award. Sadly, I have to break some of it. I am tagging two of my fellow bloggers. My list of ten is as follows:
1. I was operated upon at the age of ten for my heart. They said it had an abnormality by birth. The opening of one of my ventricular valves was a little short than it should ideally have been. I saw what an ICU is that early in my life. And that was when I saw people around, struggling to fight complexities in health, binding together with hope to fight death. It was a unique experience and I still feel lucky to have undergone such a journey. Thankfully, I did well after that and am considered normal now.
2. I always wanted to be a painter. I was in love with colors. I had to give it up for my studies and a career. Life is rough and has a lot of struggle, if you are to make it as a painter in India. And my parents didn’t want me to be a part of it.
3. I tried my hands at a couple of things which sadly I was unable to complete or pursue whole heartedly. But still, I feel good having tried all that. They include Martial Arts, Numerology, Palmistry, Tarots, Tai-Chi and Hacking.
4. Till I joined my job, I had never gone to a picnic or an outing with my friends. While at school, my parents didn’t allow me as I was the only child and that too with a heart operation and while at college and engineering things never worked out for me.
5. I started smoking to avoid feeling sleepy so that I would be able to read more, burning the oils before my semester exams at engineering. And it turned out to be an addiction. I still repent not being able to put up a good fight against smoking.
6. I can answer any question except one. Where do you see yourself five years down or what do you want from life? I don’t have any idea. I never had. I am not a person of plans.
7. My second tries have always been the best ones. If I try for the first time, I might fail. But if I give it a second try, no one can stop me. That has always been the case. And the thing which is hard about it is that not all my second tries were the best ones. Sometimes I failed having tried the best I could have in the first time.
8. I love debates and discussions. I love doing them and I love winning them. That’s the only arena where I maintain a full success rate of hundred.
9. I repent that I was never able to do anything for my grandmother. I loved her a lot. I always wanted to do something for her. Life didn’t give me that time. I saw her die. And I was denied one last look of her considering my emotional attachment. I looked for her after her death and could never answer questions as to where people land up after death. It still remains a mystery to me. I miss her a lot.
10. I am a self made man. If you know that there is a hole, some miles down the road, be sure to tell me and watch the fun. I would still go and fall into it and climb up back and learn about it. I prefer it that way. I consider failures to be very necessary and always prefer the road alone.
I would like to pass on this award to :
MissUnderstood
Farah
Friday, July 17, 2009
The Book.
I was sick. I have problems breathing in when cough takes over and the same happened. Luckily, it wasn’t severe. And am good now and back. And nothing can be big about today than Harry as Harry Potter strikes. But, it’s the movie. This post is dedicated to the book series of Harry Potter and how I happened to read it and how I ended up being a big fan and what it feels like when all the seven are out there, published. Thought the gist might help those who aren’t interested.
I was a novel freak during my engineering days. I had a problem. If I read one of a particular author and happened to like it, I preferred reading all authored by the same person. And so it happened that I started with Sheldon and completed all of Robbins, Forsyth, Puzo, Doyle, Christie, Brown, Cohelo, Tolkein and Peter James. I tried Grisham, Archer, Cook and others but never liked them. I had to stop. I wasn’t aware of any other prolific ones at that point of time.
One day, I found my love reading Harry Potter. With a preconceived notion that potter was kid’s stuff, I joked and she insisted that I should start reading it. I didn’t have anything else to read for months and I started with the Sorcerer’s Stone. I found the story OK. I took up the Chamber of Secrets and since then I have never been able to stop. I was bowled over by the flow, plot, imagination, setting, concept, the world and all of it. Things as simple as the names of the characters seemed so perfect. It was always hard, holding the book in my hand, going patiently through the pages and waiting for those last predictable phenomenon of Dumbledore talking to potter. The magic always took me into another world of its own. “Filthy Mudblood” became my favorite expression of disgust for any mortal around. And after Half Blood Prince, Snape was my hero. My virtual existences in PC games always have Snape as my name. There was Voldemort, the greatest of the dark wizards and there was Dumbledore, the wisest of all and there was Potter, the bravest of them all. But they all did what they were supposed to. Snape brought the flavor to all of it. He executed the plans of the wise, fooled the darkest and helped the bravest. I can go and on and on……….I revised all the six parts, six times, while waiting for the release of the seventh part and it was worth it. I still continue reading it. It still feels so afresh with facts and details. I have seen a long queue of all ages, in my home city of Kolkata, at five in the morning, eagerly waiting with water and food for the book shop to open on the day a Potter book was supposed to be released in India. At that instance, I found them crazy. But soon I was one of them. I couldn’t help it.
I don’t want to stop. I can never stop. I feel so lucky to have read it and being born when Potter came into the scene. I didn’t like his movies. Three hours can never do justice to the talent and mastery of Rowling. She is and shall always be the best author I have ever read. I feel that as an ardent fan of novels and books, Potter and Rowling, will remain the best gift I was supposed to have in my lifetime on this earth. It can never be bettered. It’s perfection. I wish the same joy for readers who are yet to go through this immortal piece of imagination. If someone has gone through “The Lord of the Rings”, it says that the world is divided into two parts, people who have read it and people who haven’t. I guess, the world can more aptly be divided into parts, people who are potter-series fans and people who aren’t.
Sadly, all things come to an end. As the sixth one in the series takes the shape of a movie and releases in Indian screens today, I started reading the sixth one again. And I thought, I should not have a blog which doesn’t have a single post dedicated to Potter.
I still miss you HOGWARTS……and always shall.
I was a novel freak during my engineering days. I had a problem. If I read one of a particular author and happened to like it, I preferred reading all authored by the same person. And so it happened that I started with Sheldon and completed all of Robbins, Forsyth, Puzo, Doyle, Christie, Brown, Cohelo, Tolkein and Peter James. I tried Grisham, Archer, Cook and others but never liked them. I had to stop. I wasn’t aware of any other prolific ones at that point of time.
One day, I found my love reading Harry Potter. With a preconceived notion that potter was kid’s stuff, I joked and she insisted that I should start reading it. I didn’t have anything else to read for months and I started with the Sorcerer’s Stone. I found the story OK. I took up the Chamber of Secrets and since then I have never been able to stop. I was bowled over by the flow, plot, imagination, setting, concept, the world and all of it. Things as simple as the names of the characters seemed so perfect. It was always hard, holding the book in my hand, going patiently through the pages and waiting for those last predictable phenomenon of Dumbledore talking to potter. The magic always took me into another world of its own. “Filthy Mudblood” became my favorite expression of disgust for any mortal around. And after Half Blood Prince, Snape was my hero. My virtual existences in PC games always have Snape as my name. There was Voldemort, the greatest of the dark wizards and there was Dumbledore, the wisest of all and there was Potter, the bravest of them all. But they all did what they were supposed to. Snape brought the flavor to all of it. He executed the plans of the wise, fooled the darkest and helped the bravest. I can go and on and on……….I revised all the six parts, six times, while waiting for the release of the seventh part and it was worth it. I still continue reading it. It still feels so afresh with facts and details. I have seen a long queue of all ages, in my home city of Kolkata, at five in the morning, eagerly waiting with water and food for the book shop to open on the day a Potter book was supposed to be released in India. At that instance, I found them crazy. But soon I was one of them. I couldn’t help it.
I don’t want to stop. I can never stop. I feel so lucky to have read it and being born when Potter came into the scene. I didn’t like his movies. Three hours can never do justice to the talent and mastery of Rowling. She is and shall always be the best author I have ever read. I feel that as an ardent fan of novels and books, Potter and Rowling, will remain the best gift I was supposed to have in my lifetime on this earth. It can never be bettered. It’s perfection. I wish the same joy for readers who are yet to go through this immortal piece of imagination. If someone has gone through “The Lord of the Rings”, it says that the world is divided into two parts, people who have read it and people who haven’t. I guess, the world can more aptly be divided into parts, people who are potter-series fans and people who aren’t.
Sadly, all things come to an end. As the sixth one in the series takes the shape of a movie and releases in Indian screens today, I started reading the sixth one again. And I thought, I should not have a blog which doesn’t have a single post dedicated to Potter.
I still miss you HOGWARTS……and always shall.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Just an "another-wish" !
I went to office early on request from my earlier manager as his manager, the man from the states, is now in India to honor the team by a visit. He is the man responsible for my current crisis at job and career. He threw me out of the business unit and no one is ready to share the parameters on which I was selected with reassurance that my performance was in the top bracket of three within the team. Sitting in front of me, he said “So you are the one whose name came up in the lucky draw to be moved along with the other two”. I felt like slapping him right there, against all HR policies, and resign and smoke happily back to my flat and have a good soul-satisfying sleep. And as if that was nothing, I also had to go to dinner with them, to show how happy I am with another mortal’s presence. Dedication and quality has no time sustainability. You get what is destined, irrespective of what you hold.. Nez….
I happened to see my friend’s album. He has always been special to me. It was US from the day we met. We had similar likes and tastes and many a views in common. He has been in love thrice, and all of them were one sided. And he suffered a lot, emotionally. But he survived and is doing well now. He (was one of my three close friends who recently left this city) always said that he survived because of his friends. He has a concept called T20 which stands for Top-20 members. He has rated his best of friends in a top twenty list. He calls them up and updates them about each happening and progress of his life. And a special note about it is that those people are there by my friend’s choice as none of them wanted to be in that list. They are the ones, he says, understands him the best. And when I saw his recent album, all of them enjoying happily at a hill station, I had mixed emotions.
I always wanted a group of mine. I too have many a special friends and thankfully I happen to be in touch with them. But somehow, be it a less eagerness on their part or be it fate, we never have been able to pull up a successful venture together in the lap of nature, enjoying and re-living old days. I always had tried and I still do try at times but as time goes on, I feel like accepting life as it comes. A question which always lingers in my brain is why, I should always be the one, to plan and think and suggest for such get-togethers? I never found an answer……….i feel sad…..and might be that I don’t wanna know the answer.
I am happy for him. Someone out there is having what I wanted and he is having it from one of his own wish list. When I see them, a bunch of more than ten, flocking together in unison of soul, bounded by friendship, having fun, I feel that somewhere there exists some ties which last the test of time, without any conditions and If’s and Why’s. I am impressed. I want to believe in them but seems like I am not privileged to do so…..I see them….and I can feel it……as of living them, better luck next time to me. LOL
I happened to see my friend’s album. He has always been special to me. It was US from the day we met. We had similar likes and tastes and many a views in common. He has been in love thrice, and all of them were one sided. And he suffered a lot, emotionally. But he survived and is doing well now. He (was one of my three close friends who recently left this city) always said that he survived because of his friends. He has a concept called T20 which stands for Top-20 members. He has rated his best of friends in a top twenty list. He calls them up and updates them about each happening and progress of his life. And a special note about it is that those people are there by my friend’s choice as none of them wanted to be in that list. They are the ones, he says, understands him the best. And when I saw his recent album, all of them enjoying happily at a hill station, I had mixed emotions.
I always wanted a group of mine. I too have many a special friends and thankfully I happen to be in touch with them. But somehow, be it a less eagerness on their part or be it fate, we never have been able to pull up a successful venture together in the lap of nature, enjoying and re-living old days. I always had tried and I still do try at times but as time goes on, I feel like accepting life as it comes. A question which always lingers in my brain is why, I should always be the one, to plan and think and suggest for such get-togethers? I never found an answer……….i feel sad…..and might be that I don’t wanna know the answer.
I am happy for him. Someone out there is having what I wanted and he is having it from one of his own wish list. When I see them, a bunch of more than ten, flocking together in unison of soul, bounded by friendship, having fun, I feel that somewhere there exists some ties which last the test of time, without any conditions and If’s and Why’s. I am impressed. I want to believe in them but seems like I am not privileged to do so…..I see them….and I can feel it……as of living them, better luck next time to me. LOL
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Love
I feel so bad posting things sad and moronic. Fifteen posts down the lane, I am yet to post something happy and of freaking nature. But I question, isn’t it that I wanted to write things true in my life which made me go for an anonymous blogger ? What’s the point if I can’t write things about me and the way I feel? If things aren’t correct in my life or at least doesn’t seem good and right to me….am I the one to blame for these problematic sad posts. Certainly NO……if I differ, I miss the whole point. I am supposed to stay true to my heart, here.
I sometimes feel that love is a sin. You cry. You feel and know what pain is. You get to know what a wait is. You understand how disgustingly practical this world is. You get to know worldly deals and ways. You get to know how lame and stupid and childish your heart is. You get to know the two most important aspects of your life: mind and heart. You get to know how it feels when blood comes out of your skin. You get to know how unpredictable life can be. You get to know how it feels having emotions pent up inside. You get to know how it feels to be loved and not loved and loved again. You get on face to face with terms like sacrifice, ego, possessiveness etc. You get to know how tough life can be when you are on in accordance to your emotions. You get to know the importance of common day-to-day things like a voice, an sms, a mail, a call, a smile, a face, a scent, a warmth of a touch, taste of tears etc..
No idea what it has been for someone else but I had them all. They all were and are a part of my life. That’s how love has been for me. I admit that one who knows not what love is, isn’t alive. But if you need to have all of the above stated to be alive, I guess, u better give it a thought about being alive.
I wish no one falls in love……….
Sadly, we don’t choose love, love chooses us.
I sometimes feel that love is a sin. You cry. You feel and know what pain is. You get to know what a wait is. You understand how disgustingly practical this world is. You get to know worldly deals and ways. You get to know how lame and stupid and childish your heart is. You get to know the two most important aspects of your life: mind and heart. You get to know how it feels when blood comes out of your skin. You get to know how unpredictable life can be. You get to know how it feels having emotions pent up inside. You get to know how it feels to be loved and not loved and loved again. You get on face to face with terms like sacrifice, ego, possessiveness etc. You get to know how tough life can be when you are on in accordance to your emotions. You get to know the importance of common day-to-day things like a voice, an sms, a mail, a call, a smile, a face, a scent, a warmth of a touch, taste of tears etc..
No idea what it has been for someone else but I had them all. They all were and are a part of my life. That’s how love has been for me. I admit that one who knows not what love is, isn’t alive. But if you need to have all of the above stated to be alive, I guess, u better give it a thought about being alive.
I wish no one falls in love……….
Sadly, we don’t choose love, love chooses us.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Mind-reloaded
I am so tiered reading and reading and reading. If I would have been going this way during my engineering days at college, I would have smashed the board. I never thought I would have to read so much while at my job. If any developer is reading this, then let me mention it a bit in detail. I am currently refreshing my concepts of java and j2ee so that I am able to clear interviews if at all I get a chance and am supposed to learn something called ColdFusion and SQL server during my office hours. Arggh! I can’t explain the type of load it is putting upon me. My mind has become a garbage bin, where information and concepts are being dumped randomly. My past says that I have seen tough times and have emerged well. I know how to fall. I always know how to fail and blow off things for the worse by my procrastinating nature. But I do know another extra bit. I know how to bounce back. I will scream and plead and cry and slog and somehow I shall get it done with and shall emerge. That has been the way for me, always. I just hope that the same holds true, with time. All you awesome bloggers out there pray for me. I need it badly.
And it was a perfect analogy for me when I saw the way Federer won against Roddick. He was pushed to the limits and no one would have ever expected the finals at the centre court to be of such colors. In the end, after a 30 match struggle for a final set winner, it was the one with tenacity and focus that won. A huge fan that I am of his, this day marks a record of 15 grand slam wins for the master, one more than Sampras. Congrats to you ROGER, for being such a showcase of talent. You shall forever remain in the history as the greatest of them all.
The other good thing about today was ICE AGE 3. I loved it. My favorite from the movie being Scrat, I was sad seeing him ignore his favorite acorn while in love. But, in the end, it’s the Scrat and his acorn at a game again. Some say animation is childish and some don’t like it. I am a movie buff and I loved movies from Ben-Hur to The Reader, but I still do maintain that animations have a way of their own. They impart a feeling which is unmatched, at least for me. I still remember The Corpse Bride and I shall always remember the Panda with the master at Kung-Fu.
Ahhh….the clock is ticking…….and the same old story a few lines above. I have to go back to read and score a win at an interview if at all I get a call and perform and…blah blah blah….
Wish life didn’t had so many “HAVE-TO’s”.
Being a human is so complex……being simple is so tough….doing what one loves is such a challenge………having a heart and a mind in a body is so painful……being alive to die no idea when is such a nasty joke…..wanting is so foolish…….planning is so fruitless………..wishing and hoping are such delusions…………………..
And it was a perfect analogy for me when I saw the way Federer won against Roddick. He was pushed to the limits and no one would have ever expected the finals at the centre court to be of such colors. In the end, after a 30 match struggle for a final set winner, it was the one with tenacity and focus that won. A huge fan that I am of his, this day marks a record of 15 grand slam wins for the master, one more than Sampras. Congrats to you ROGER, for being such a showcase of talent. You shall forever remain in the history as the greatest of them all.
The other good thing about today was ICE AGE 3. I loved it. My favorite from the movie being Scrat, I was sad seeing him ignore his favorite acorn while in love. But, in the end, it’s the Scrat and his acorn at a game again. Some say animation is childish and some don’t like it. I am a movie buff and I loved movies from Ben-Hur to The Reader, but I still do maintain that animations have a way of their own. They impart a feeling which is unmatched, at least for me. I still remember The Corpse Bride and I shall always remember the Panda with the master at Kung-Fu.
Ahhh….the clock is ticking…….and the same old story a few lines above. I have to go back to read and score a win at an interview if at all I get a call and perform and…blah blah blah….
Wish life didn’t had so many “HAVE-TO’s”.
Being a human is so complex……being simple is so tough….doing what one loves is such a challenge………having a heart and a mind in a body is so painful……being alive to die no idea when is such a nasty joke…..wanting is so foolish…….planning is so fruitless………..wishing and hoping are such delusions…………………..
Saturday, July 4, 2009
I'm lovin it
My new apartment rocks. The main attraction being the two wash rooms with one whose door doesn’t get hooked from inside and the other with a geyser which overflows water but doesn’t work to keep it warm. Out of the two bedrooms available, one has big hole from the air-conditioner it used to have and happily lets in anything unwanted and the other has windows just for a formality as the nearing apartment could have shared it with us. No wonder that we know what is on in their room and vice versa. Ants are doing well and seem excited having us around. The walls still have the marks of the way it was greeted for no idea how long, by our ancestors of the place. Ventilation is not a problem if we are fine having mosquitoes around. And the lift is out of service by ten in the night, paying homage to our earlier generations who believed in an early bed habit. Stairs are dark at night, waiting silently in the silence, to see someone trip over. Kitchen sink loves water and isn’t ready to let it go. No woodwork has put us in a race to display all we have. I am loving it…every morning and every night.
I haven’t shaved intentionally for the last twenty days. Whenever, someone known happens to see me, remarks of how unclean and sage typo I look. I wait till the day when I shall be shaving it off and I have chosen that day to be the day when I get an interview call. To add a little info, I have been moved to a new business unit at work and am supposed to learn and start work on a new technology, because of reasons they can’t share with me, which I don’t like. Hence, my new purpose and the unclean look. I am loving it…..every morning and every night (ask me how it feels like to sleep with all that on my face.
I love coding. And I love it more so when it’s java. And my new quest for a new opportunity at work has put me back to focus on it. So..now a days it’s often me and my lappy, with the an eclipse and a jboss server running, having the ear and war deployed, with an ebook open and my mind lost somewhere inside it. And I can feel that immense satisfaction and pleasure when my thirst of putting in something new into place and venturing into the unknown arenas of a programming language is quenched. I am loving it…every morning and every night.
After staying away for five days, finally, I am back to blogsphere. I read the posts my fellow bloggers had put up in the mean time. And after getting done with, I feel complete. I feel like I am alive. I know I can share again and write my things. I missed it so badly. Those blogs have become an integral part of my blogger life and my blogger life means so much to my life. That’s one of the reasons why I always prefer blogging at night after which I can happily lie down and sleep. Thanks to all the bloggers across whom I came by and also to the ones whom I know not…you are special and more special are your posts….to someone at least…..i bet. All I can say is…I am loving it…..every night.
I haven’t shaved intentionally for the last twenty days. Whenever, someone known happens to see me, remarks of how unclean and sage typo I look. I wait till the day when I shall be shaving it off and I have chosen that day to be the day when I get an interview call. To add a little info, I have been moved to a new business unit at work and am supposed to learn and start work on a new technology, because of reasons they can’t share with me, which I don’t like. Hence, my new purpose and the unclean look. I am loving it…..every morning and every night (ask me how it feels like to sleep with all that on my face.
I love coding. And I love it more so when it’s java. And my new quest for a new opportunity at work has put me back to focus on it. So..now a days it’s often me and my lappy, with the an eclipse and a jboss server running, having the ear and war deployed, with an ebook open and my mind lost somewhere inside it. And I can feel that immense satisfaction and pleasure when my thirst of putting in something new into place and venturing into the unknown arenas of a programming language is quenched. I am loving it…every morning and every night.
After staying away for five days, finally, I am back to blogsphere. I read the posts my fellow bloggers had put up in the mean time. And after getting done with, I feel complete. I feel like I am alive. I know I can share again and write my things. I missed it so badly. Those blogs have become an integral part of my blogger life and my blogger life means so much to my life. That’s one of the reasons why I always prefer blogging at night after which I can happily lie down and sleep. Thanks to all the bloggers across whom I came by and also to the ones whom I know not…you are special and more special are your posts….to someone at least…..i bet. All I can say is…I am loving it…..every night.
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