So Tired...

I feel so tiered. And I feel some new changes in me. It’s nearing three weeks and nothing has changed at my work. The pressure and load is still there. Weekends have been removed from the schedule. Quite often, a single work day comes to an end by the morning of the next day. I am alive deprived of sleep, peace, my laptop, games, and those long calls which I normally have at night with my love. It’s been a long time since I was able to post or read some. I am in a motion and I fear that the day I stop and take a day break, I might never be able to gain this pace. I am working for what I know not. Seeing others taking the credit of what I do seems normal and the right thing to happen. A voice inside me says “go there and get screwed. You deserve it”. I can’t see any options ahead. Sometimes it makes sense to hang on for some more weeks and breathe in hope that things will better and sway on my side of GMAT/MBA plans. And sometimes I feel its time to make a move ahead. I wonder if I should really think of a back up plan. It’s very hard to work without a break or life. And it’s even harder when you work amongst fools. Sadly, Monday’s aren’t tough anymore and neither are Sunday evenings hard on my soul. They just aren’t there.

My favorite reality show (Roadies 7.0) kicks off for this season today. I still remember the last time when I was so eager to participate. I filled up the form and I was the only one I guess who didn’t have a passport and a driving license. Especially the latter one certainly makes me a singular case considering my gender aged 27. Nothing much has changed in that regard inspite of the constant push I get from my love. I still don’t have a license but I do have a passport now. This year I didn’t feel like going for it. Now it feels as if I have grown over these things. They seem childish and stupid and more so when they expect me to ask my friends to vote for me via sms. The way it used to happen, with masses pulling the gates down at the auditions and Mr Raghu Ram banging his head and screaming feels to me as the best way it should happen always. Further, the man himself is missing this season. I don’t think the show would register the same heights it has achieved in the past. The passion might be there, but the content is gone. No Raghu, No Roadies.

My sixth anniversary of proposing her is here if you can ignore the twenty something days in between. It looks to me like we will be together. But I need to improve my chances by not thinking about it much. Plans never work.

Presently I want to enjoy this rusty feeling inside. I want every cell of my body and brain know that I am depressed and tired. It feels great in a way to get submerged in an emotion or a feeling. Someday it will change. The more I get lost in here, the sweeter shall be the day when I come out.

This is my first post from my workplace. I feel elated. Posting always makes me feel that ways. It unarguably is a gifted channel to drain your mind and sometimes….soul. I am in since the last four hours and others are yet to turn up. Still don’t know how long the day is going to be. Hope what I am facing in here, turns out to be of some good someday.