Fear of Fear

I daily get up at seven in the morning. Believe me when I say that it is a record. My work timings have changed drastically from what was zero to a one. I am at my desk by eight thirty and my day ends by six. There are no more night outs at office and there is no afternoon travel to work. Though I am yet to adapt to this new way and it is almost a month down, I am finding it good. It leaves me with good enough time to relax and do my stuff. The heat is the only thing which is taking the better off me. But it is not that I haven’t tried something new amidst all of this. I tried to swim. I always had the fear of water. A shower is good enough to make me feel drowned. So you can well guess what would have happened when I entered the pool. It is of normal depth i.e. 5 Feet and five inches deep, and comes up to my chin, but is surely masterly in overpowering my will. One thing I realized is that walking in the pool is really a nice affair. It feels very nice. And on the second day when I was feeling one of such feelings the instructor forced me to jump into the water thrice and I gulped in three glasses of water. I was panting and the sudden change of my role didn’t allow me to even think of what I had just taken inside. I had been there to learn swimming thrice in the last two weeks and it still stays the same. I am unable to face my fears and I am feeling so bad about it. I want to make the count four and more but every day, as the clock hits six, I somehow manage to get a reason to escape my fear. It might be that the only way to surpass and face it all is to accept the way I am and then go and take a plunge. And that is what I am doing here. Yes, I am scared of water. Yes, jumping into the pool is even scarier. And yes, tomorrow I shall go and learn to stay scared. Wish me luck!