Past & Me

Moving ahead with life anticipating what lies ahead is something I have always been unable to connect with. They say that people who look and plan ahead are the ones who really reach somewhere. Strangely though, I have always looked behind and have been able to move ahead. And I have ample proof to say that I have not lagged behind. My journey till date might not have been one of the success stories you read about but it is certainly not a fail-tale either. I always get a strange power within when I look back and analyze and try reliving my past. Be it the one with the smiles and sunshine or be it the ones with all gloom and rain in the world, I always find myself lost in those lanes, quite happy. Reliving them in my mind and soul not only gives me the power to face tomorrow, it also gives me the power to laugh at fate and accept the power of destiny and time. Those memoirs are and shall always remain dearest to me.

Today, I stand at another corner of my life. Today is my last day at this apartment. From tomorrow, I will be moving in to a new house with my friend. Simple and common…..Isn’t it? Yet, it is a big day for me. As I sit here writing all of this, I can still remember how I came here. It was four in the evening and we hadn’t been able to find a rented space and the next day we were supposed to vacate our flat. We got this one through one of my friends. We didn’t like it at all but we didn’t have a choice. The next day was one of the longest and toughest days I ever had. It took me fifteen hours of hard work and fight to finally get a bed to sleep at four in the morning, the one on which I am presently sitting on. I was so tired; I wasn’t able to sleep for hours. And today, all of it has changed. The people around, the bonding with the ones I was staying and the ones with whom I am supposed to stay, my personal life, my career path, my pocket, my choices and my priorities. This change, which is almost always unavoidable, makes me sad and happy. I am happy for I am better today. I am sad for a phase of my life stays here. From tomorrow I would never be here again. I won’t have this roof over me. It won’t feel the way it feels now. From tomorrow, this night and this house and these last hours in this house will remain inside me and become my past, a part of me I always have cherished.

The day isn’t far when I will be crossing these roads and the localities around on my way to some place and I will try to feel and think of how it was in here and what all I got and lost during my stay. Many who know me say, I get way too nostalgic and some feel, I am a fool of present living in the past and some opine that I overdo things. They might actually be correct. All I can say is that I try to gather as many memories as I can. Feelings, moments and people…aren’t they all that life is about? Just because I am done with all of it doesn’t mean I will let go off them so easily. They happened to me. They are a part of me. I am not dead with what I have today. I shall die with all of what I had too.