Groupless

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Does it matter having a group of your own, a bunch of human heads whom you know and feel like flocking together. May be it does and maybe not.

I know myself and I am a group person. I have always been the one connecting dots from different circles and making a line move. But today, I see myself belonging nowhere. I don’t belong to any group. During my engineering days, I was a loner. I never liked the people around and vice versa. Presently, in my work life too, I am a loner. Every day, the toughest part me is to have lunch alone. Not that I don’t like interacting, but that I don’t like talking to just anyone and having a time out of it. And the people with whom I might like to, well, they seem to belong somewhere else. If I take a detailed note of my life, in a day, I talk to my love and that’s it. Why and how it is all that has become of me is beyond my comprehension.

My love says, if I am to play my preferences this way, we would never have a group. To take a case in point, my closest friend being in touch with his college mates, often plans things together. I had been invited a few times and I had declined. They all stay in the same city and I never found myself invited. If that happens for a trip, that too from my closest friend and not from others, I feel bad. She may be right but I am not wrong either.

When you plan trips and when you plan fun, you do need a group. I do love to be in a group. But should I pay for being non-responsive to people who spend years putting my existence into question, I better pay.