Never Ever Ever Give Up ? ? ?

Presently, if I were to replicate my situation, I would choose a dog in a boat amidst the ocean. The only way for it to survive is to hold on to itself till the boat reaches some friendly shore with time. My intellect can’t think of anything which might draw a better analogy to my life at this juncture. A curios mind may ask "WHY". It goes as this...

My love is depressed and frustrated and is badly in need for a job. And with her, I share the same concerns. The problem is that she is having a tough time for a gap she has in her career which was due to me. And that makes things as complicated as watching the movie “Inception” without the sound or the subtitles. She is down and so am I. And to make things worse, we are in a distance relationship. All your care and concerns and love are supposed to follow the protocol “cell phones”. It feels like a pain in the (whatever...take your pick), the place where it hurts the most.

I have my parents as my dependents and as I struggle harder to make things better in every possible way, their complaints and views on life still remains as a never changing weather. Nothing can make them happy. It is becoming increasingly difficult for me to stay at home. My words are often assumed as an offense, my behavior constantly criticized and monitored and my views, all together impractical. It is now like this: I am reduced to stay in my own room in my own house. I seldom go out of my room. My cell phone and Internet connection are the only channels I have for outside communication. I don’t feel like confronting them for whatever.

My job too, being the bitch life is, resonates perfectly with everything else that I have been just scribbling about. I am a 4+ years server side developer doing what a fresher out of college is supposed to do at work and I am hugely under paid considering that I work for one of the best investment banks. I often wonder why i was recruited. And on top of it, I have people in my team who are politically active, culturally racist and professionally moronic in their behavior. There seems to be no way ahead for me to rise here. I am stuck once again. It’s the same quick sand story.

On a personal front, my ambitions to get an MBA are now looking like day dreams. An MBA, the way I want it, needs dedication, motivation and a constant strive to improve on a lot of grounds and to have some substantial leadership experience which is a must needed aspect of my profile. But, being a human that I am, I am unable to muster anything to get me going. A cat not even able to go for the cat race…....

The only solace I now-a-days find is in peeing when I want to and sleeping when I feel tired. Apart from these two I don't identify with any other joy that might exist in this so called world. And I hurts the most when I remember the words...



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