No FuN ; nO rEgReTs

I was told recently by my best friend that I am no fun. And I agree.

Since I joined my job three years ago, life has never been kind to me. On the work front was a manager who believed in language bias and had his own lot of favorites. I was branded as someone who never had work though I worked more and often till three at night. Initially I took the blame and tried more and the branding grew stronger. If I happened to play Table Tennis for even half an hour during the evenings, it was said that I never am on my seat. Each day was a war. Every night was spent in forgetting the forgetful day I had. Workplace tensions and politics made me feel like running away. I had to move out of that place. I kept on trying until time was mine after nineteen months of slog. I landed up at a place where the tasks were immensely challenging and they always kept me thinking about the nuances of software development and design patterns. But people around were educated souls. They knew nothing of present day job politics. It was great in that way until I landed up in my present team and project. Personal life hasn’t been kind to me either. My parents are all alone by themselves (me being their single child), and are financially dependent on me. Every financial decision I take has to be considered from their point too. My friends say that I am a lucky guy as I am able to help them out at so early stage of my life and they are right but they aren’t aware of what it feels like when you are the only one in control with all responsibilities and you need to choose and judge and restrain. It certainly isn’t a great thing to have at so early in your life. Monetary tensions are the real killers. They kill you from the inside. The world fades in a different shade and peace stays at bay. I know what money is and how important it is. I know how it feels like to be the captain of the ship. Believe me, it is not all joy. Having this as a part of me inside and catering to an unreasonable criticizing manager takes a lot. And after all this, I had my love; sitting all alone at her house (I was responsible for that) waiting for me and my time without any friends. She had lost touch with herself at that time. And she needed emotional support and care. No idea how much did I fare at that but I was with her in every possible way I could have been. It drained me off totally. I had no one to fall back on. Every piece of my life seemed to take away a part of me. Every bit was demanding. Not that I complain of them but that I had to pay and I paid.

After these three years, things have improved a bit. I am financially better. My love has a life and friends and is busy completing her management course. I have a job which makes me feel I don’t have any and am trying to pursue my GMAT with a little ease. But, what did I gain? Things surely did improve. But they did at the cost of something. And that something was me and my own life. It took away my senses of enjoyment. I have forgotten many a things which I feel are very important for existence. I have degraded every day. And now as I stand to the world, I don’t see any passions or hobbies left in me to make me feel like going for. I don’t see life as a simple one and a laugh or smile doesn’t come easy to me. I don’t know where to hangout and I don’t know what people should do to enjoy. I don’t have the competency left in me to identify the ways to wave boredom off. I am just an oxygen consumer, due to a natural biological process alive inside that has few other things left to be taken care off in this lifetime. I know no more.

And so my best friend and all my readers: I am no fun. As I said earlier that I agree to this, let me tell you something else too: I don’t have any regrets being that way.