A state of glory.....On Leave.

In this age of worldwide interconnectivity I pity those who don’t find it befitting to use technology properly or show interest in using the revolutionary www. I have many on my contact list who fit this caste. The story of their hands on a keyboard can be summarized as logging in, checking the mails arbitrarily, not deleting the unnecessary ones and no usage of labels and folders and tags. Results are painful on the part of many who mail them and wait for a reply and sometimes in the case of an urgent one, call again to ask them to check the mails. The world was a much better place without web mails. People like me would have never had the expectation to get a reply. And it infuriates me more when they come up with reasons like they were not able to find the mail or that they didn’t notice any such thing or that they didn’t find it necessary to check mail as a habit. Such people with mass global support and with the help of a search algorithm should be identified and banned forever from the usage of the internet via some unknown yet-to-be conceived technology. We, people who believe in being in touch and staying connected deserve this peace. Literature is our only resort and personally I prefer branding them as A** H***S.

GMAT prep has started taking its toll on me. My performance yesterday at RC and CR was pathetic. I am so disturbed that I am unable to pull myself out of the bed for office. That is one of the reasons why I am writing for the first time during the day time. I hope that when I am done penning in my woes, I will somehow push myself for work. I need to be more focused and calm. And my life doesn’t permit that. That’s the fight I guess I have to win first. And that would mean an intentional indifference to the issues of my life. That is against my genes. I fear that I don’t give the whole thing up, a second nature to me. Higher education programs like GRE and GMAT had been chosen by many of my friends. But the number which made it finally to a university is staggeringly low. It stands at one in eleven. I wonder if I can make that count two. And it makes me feel sick when I see that none of them were in for GMAT. A problem faced unanimously is finance. Though for GMAT, some colleges are available in India, none are value for money with ISB being an exception. If GMAT is a marathon, ISB is a mountain. And here I am, a snail in pace trying to shoot. LOL

The trip I planned with my love had to be canceled. Swine flu is spreading. The trip involved airports twice. I feared contamination. That’s what happens you plan for things I guess. They never work. It seems to me as if the moment I start planning, a counteractive natural force comes into play and stops things from happening. I am human. And so although I know that plans never work, I will still plan. That’s how my subconscious mind plays. But I am happy that she is safe. Her life can’t be traded for our emotions. If not today or tomorrow, someday has to be ours. I am convicted that my conviction about our togetherness will be true. That’s all that can be said or thought of.

Being a Bengali, “Durga Puja” is the only big occasion in a year. When I happen to meet other Bengalis working at my office, I see that glitter of excitement and fun in them. They are all waiting patiently for a month to pass by when they shall be back to Kolkata to enjoy the festivity. Years have passed and I don’t remember when it was the last when I was in a similar mould. It might be the biggest or the most sacred of times in the year for my lot, but for me, it is just a normal phase. I cannot afford to be that way. If I do, things will crumble. My dependencies are so huge. Every year I say to myself that the next time things would be different. I have to say myself that again. The road for me is so less travelled.

Writing this post didn’t help me. I am still the same I was when I started. Hence, conclusion says that I am on leave today. Hopes are there that I shall read and try to utilize my time but my experience with myself says I will sleep and try to pass by the time. Staying awake is so hard. It is so tough for me to face things with open eyes. Unconsciousness is a much sought for state. If not anything else, I deserve it.