Silence

How many people do you talk to in a day? Can you count them? I can count them. It’s one if I really consider talking. I don’t have anyone around. Neither do I look for someone understanding nor someone with whom I can share and do some soul searching. At home, one of the guys around is hooked to staying in his own room and stays awake till four in the morning. I don’t get to see much of him. The other one, my roommate goes for the bed early and sleeps most of the time. By the time I come back, he is usually one hour away from his busy affair with sleep. At work, communication is an issue. They don’t understand me and I don’t understand them. They don’t want to and that doesn’t make me feel like doing it. To add on, racism is their cup and I am an intruder with better competencies. So everything about them and their behavior is understandably humane. I have become so miserable with time that now I don’t have anyone to have food with or smoke with. Others, whom I can reach to via my mobile are either busy with their lives or are at office busy with planned meetings and schedules. All I have as the only option apart from the fact that I love it even if it’s not an option is my love. She is either busy with her MBA or is busy to have some entertainment to get rid of her fatigue and the load of her assignments. Where do I go? What do I do? Whom shall I talk to?

After the day, all alone by myself, I feel like screaming at the top of my voice. I am sad and hurt and alone. Now, roaming alone at two in the morning, on the roof top doesn’t feel unnatural. I don’t have anyone by my side. Every soul is busy. I too have a life. I too am busy. But why is it that i end up seeing others and waiting for them? Am i wrong in being in need of a voice to talk to? If not people, why doesn’t god get it? I have so many things inside me which never gets to come out. I need a vent for them. Sometimes I feel I don’t exist. I am in a dream, unable to reach out to others. I hated myself. Now i pity myself too. I never cried for myself before.