"War is a Drug"

Almost never do we get to do what we love or almost never we love what we get to do. It is often said that work is the best way to express the person you are. And that is what “The Hurt Locker” is all about. There are many a scenes when you will hold your breath and watch with trepidation as to what might happen next. The "suspense" is huge. The emotional and mental journey James and the others of his Squad go through is detailed to every bit. The havoc of a Bomb going off, the pre and post of that, all are handled like I have seen never before. And towards the end, James holds his son and confides in him that there are so many things that his son loves but there is only one such thing which James loves and he gets back to the field for a yearlong assignment. I would have loved it more had it been Tom Hanks playing it. I would rate it a 9.0 and it is certainly more deserving than the IMDB 8.0 rating. See the movie to believe what a masterpiece it is………

"Image Source"

These days....

It has been a long time since I posted. The reason is presently I feel complete and little goes off the way to make me worried and I am just a house-soul now a days about to join my new employer in a few days. My love is here in the city. I don’t see anyone surprised at me walking around in the nights with her or going to a movie with her or both of us hanging around together but I surely am surprised at all this. It has been almost a week since all this has become a routine but still, when I walk home alone after seeing her off, I wonder if all this is for real. I was habituated not having her around and the second big thing: night calls, they have reduced exponentially. Things suddenly have hanged for me. These days I feel I can’t complain for what I have got. It is only three more months before the routine takes over again but yet, I feel lucky to have this phase. So, now you know that it’s not all my fault if I haven’t posted for a few days…..when you are in a relationship, everything is shared. :)

I watched A Serious Man, District 9 and Inglorious Bastards and I was awed by all of them. The first one was unique. It is a black comedy with all the tragedies the man could have thought of. And the last scene is an ace. Of all the movies last year I saw, I would rate it the best. District 9 was sensible and action being its genre doesn’t have that much the word “Unique” as I expected. Yet it too ends in an interesting note as to whether the aliens would return to help the lead character. And Inglorious Bastards was a satisfaction for me. I relished it as I always relish Pitt Movies. His character suits him the best and for the first time I saw someone avenging Jews and slaughtering the Nazis. The presentation of the movie makes it a winner. If anyone of you is a movie buff, get hold of these three without a doubt. I assure you…….you won’t repent.

My cooking plans got killed by a visitor. He is a friend of my friend and is staying with us for the last eight days. I started as planned on Monday, getting all the needed help from my love as she continued texting me the steps and the starter guide and it was a happy afternoon for me as I relished my first cooked food. Disasters were there, but they were limited. At least it was eatable and certainly above average stuff. With the same zeal, I started the second day and my dear stranger comes and volunteers and takes over everything and finally gets all of it done. And that was the end of it. His approach the next day told me that if I am going to cook again, it will be “HE” who would be doing it all the way. I stopped and the week is over and still, he is here. Well, I still remember what I did and how I did that day and I wait for my turn to come again. With one lunch to my credit I can say, Cooking is fun, interesting and adventurous.

My Exit and the Questions

Last Friday was my last working day at my organization. Whatever I had faced in the last six months, I didn’t have any thought regarding blurting it out to the HR during the exit interview. It never helps. Very little or close to practically nothing happens and it is just a formality. But when I went in there, I don’t know why and how, I felt like telling her every bit of all that, upon being asked “What do you feel can help us do better?” I love giving advice and I advised her….

1. When I was chosen miraculously ( I put it that way because a reason was never provided) and put into a different technology and project and business unit, the day I was supposed to start with my sessions for the new team, we had an IJP (Internal Job Posting) as per my eligibility. My manager was fine if I apply but my executive manager said “Give your manager six months time and don’t apply for any that come.” The day I resigned, my manager and my executive manager, the same persons offered me different projects and asked me to apply for IJP’s that are floating around. My Question: Why does a resource have to resign to get the freedom to change his project and apply for an IJP? Is it a requirement that if I don’t resign, I don’t get anything here in this place or is it that I don’t choose to serve the organization by doing that? Why everything comes when you are done mentally and officially?
2. When a resource resigns, meetings happen with the senior management. If the resource has already decided, no one can stop him to quit and the exit process starts. When a resource applies for an IJP and clears the interview and the new manager is ready to take him, the present one may scarp the whole thing saying that he is critical to the project and the team needs him and on doing that, his application for the IJP gets cancelled. Why so? How is the decision to quit and work for another employer different than the decision to work for another project and product? If the former has freedom of choice and decision, why do the latter suffer from bureaucracy and managerial dependencies? Isn’t the whole process wrong?
3. Being a three year old guy in the industry, can I really talk someone to resign? “No” comes her answer. My Question: My manager met me on the stairs and told me “You are leader of the people moving out”. Now was I supposed to take it in a humorous tone? And if not, what should I have done or what should I do? A ten year guy behaves in such an unprofessional manner and he is a manager and we are supposed to report him and I am supposed to grow under his guidance and someone out there thought all this is possible and got him in. And I am asked “What can we do to make things better?”
4. My manager told one of my colleagues “You know how the market is outside now-a-days. So you have to come to office on Saturday”. My Question: Why do I need to think of the markets outside and what is implied when someone is told like that? The market isn’t good and so I should work on weekends. I shouldn’t work for passion or for the product or for the challenge. If that is how it is, and that is how it works, then now the markets are up and it doesn’t surprise me at all when I hear that 225 people resigned in the last three weeks. I am happy for all of them. I think I know what they faced.
5. There is too much security amongst the people. Firing never happened. Poor performers were never caught and questioned. People working here feel the years they carry with themselves here is all that is required to rise and gain. People who are the technical leads never care to prove their creditability to that position. If termination isn’t a way, why can’t demotions work out? People who fail to prove themselves as what they are should be demoted irrespective of the number of years they have stayed in the organization. And to the point, here is a joke which I used to say a lot to my friends over at the work place…..”If my lead is able to code a HTML page with a single drop down with his name as the only value in it without an internet connection and books using a notepad in twenty minutes, I would take back my resignation” and we all knew that I was correct. I can understand the position of a manager not having worked on the system directly for years and now messed up with all implementations and processes and new initiatives, but a team lead, with five plus years of experience has to deliver and prove himself if he thinks he is any good for guiding or leading the team. The initiatives and efforts of higher management never boil down to the ground employee level because it is these people at the middle who mess it up. All they have is the years behind them. You question that and it crumbles.
6. If a person is a newcomer to the organization, and has come from some different or small background or organization it isn’t an issue. But having stayed here for more than a year should have made some changes in him. Sadly, it isn’t the case. The workplace now is full of people who are egoists, selfish, jealous and aim to be one man army to get the goodies. It is difficult to put up with these people. If they don’t stand corrected or don’t bend their ways, others have to. It is a failure to have such type of people on board for more than a year.

All these didn’t exactly push me to resign. I needed a promotion and a senior role with some extra bucks and that still remains my main motive behind my decision to quit but when you have them also with you, they certainly make things look worse and you end up looking for a change more badly and aggressively.

My 100th Post

I still remember having stumbled upon Farah’s blog on her 100th post. That was the day I started my anonymous blogging and hers was the first blog I had visited. Being a Gemini I never knew that I would be reaching the figure one day myself. I started from a point when I used to think what to write about, to today, when I write almost every day before I sleep. I always wanted to achieve that and this being my 100th one, gives me a chance to look back and analyze myself as a blogger and it certainly seems to have happened that way. I always wondered as to how blogging has become famous. I was never comfy with the idea of having life posted online. Still, I started and soon enough, I understood that it was a mistake for me. But then, I thought about being anonymous and it made sense since all that matters is what I wanted to write. Many might agree or disagree to mine doing that but it is the only way I can be my own self and be true to my words and to my readers. Can’t help…I was coded that way……….

After a few posts, comments seemed to matter a lot. Thankfully, after a few posts, that didn’t continue to hold true. I agree that I always feel good when I have a new follower or a comment, but, usually while posting, unlike this one, wherein I am trying to speak to you all, I always prefer going the personal diary way. But not to forget the fact that sometimes, I get comments which have really helped me in understanding things in a better light. Those have been priceless….nothing good comes free these days they say…I would like to add an exception. Bloggers are awesome.

Today, blogging, for me, isn’t only about me. It is also about my readers or the ones I follow. At times when I am free, which I happen to be everyday at some point of time, my curiosity and bonding takes me to your posts and when I am done reading, I feel complete and in sync with my world. I am thankful to all of you for making me a part of your world, your posts…....i certainly look forward to them everyday..…it feels nice in a unique way…….to know you all…….over distance, time zones and cultures…….it makes me feel alive and connected.
Lastly, I thought many a things to make this post special, but as had been pointed out by some, writing about how blogging has changed me and my life was the option which felt worth it, not to forget the fact that I am not at all innovative and someone with ideas.

To say frankly, I am feeling very happy………….I guess I should stop here and cherish it for some time. :)

The last few steps..

First of all, thanks to all of you who commented on my Valentine’s post. I was shocked to see that everyone agreed on what I said about love and it kind of made me feel good… :) If you ask why I was shocked, I find it rare that people agree with me.

This Friday is my last working day at my organization. When I am sitting there doing nothing or as I prefer saying being at work with no work, people around me busy as usual with their work and assignments, talking and discussing managers and policies over coffee and smoke, attending meetings and getting aware of the updates, it makes me feel unique and different. It is as if I was the same and suddenly something has changed about me making everyone behave differently. Everyone in my team, the very same people who behaved sick now seem to be carrying a smile ready for me and they seem to be much more sensitive and receptive to my words and actions. Sometimes, when they discuss issues and concerns of the client, I mistake myself to be invisible to them. A look at my screen displaying online news updates or an open acrobat file draws jokes and curiosity from them contrary to what earlier had been a mocking smile or an irritating comment. Additionally, two years is a good amount of time. Wherever we stay and we move on from there with time, we miss it. That is human nature I guess. We are born to adapt and move and carry the memoirs in our pockets. It makes us heavy as we go but also makes us feel living worthwhile.

I would be having 11 days with me before I join my new employer and I can spend it the way I want to. I am presently enduring financial crunch so going home isn’t an option. Getting some certifications done for which I am almost prepared would be a choice but I have certain interesting interviews lined up with organizations I would love to be a part of and they might come up in this phase. One thing I would certainly go for is cooking. I have this feeling inside me which says I should learn how to cook and get started on with things more serious than coffee or maggi or an omelette. It would be a nice time killer and would be good for me at times decreasing my dependency on my roommates. Sadly, it would make them happier too.:P And for a higher score, I always have blogs and movies. Swimming was also on the list but they said that the batch is full as of now. Being a Garfield fan, I don’t have much expectations from myself on these activity frontiers but having such plans is always fun and keeps one motivated to look forward to. Worst case: my list of uncompleted ventures grows. :D

My V (very weird)- Day

This year had got the weirdest Valentine’s Day I ever had. Usually, the day would have roses and gifts and candle lit dinners and long walks or talks by a serene place of scene or beauty. Mine didn’t have any of it. The only thing which matched my plan pages for the day was the movie we went to. The rest of the day had me searching for a better accommodation for her or us rushing from store to store to get her list of things she needs at her hostel or deciding the items and their priorities so as to tag some with an urgent tag. We even fought for a few mins a couple of times in between. And we had a normal ordinary simple dinner to end the day and I walked her hostel.

Yet, this being the one having us together after so many years shall remain special to me. It was unique. Togetherness matters and that is what counts. Love can’t always be roses and gifts; love has a lot more to it. And without all those tender sweet add-ons, thinking over the list of items, speeding to make time for a dinner, love felt more real, practical, lively and interesting in its own way. In the walk of life, an occasional stroll into the gardens will always be an awaited welcome but, walking together is what makes the garden strolls delightful and worthy of a visit for me. Hope you all had the day as planned…

A suggestion....

Never plan. As I had mentioned in my last post, I had plans to go today to watch “Valentine’s Day” with my love and then celebrate the day tomorrow. It didn’t happen. She was sick of the travel and was down tiredness. So I went to the movie with my roommate and were the only two guys sitting together in that row amidst the couples. The scene where in the soccer player confesses that he is a gay and his guy comes over finally in the night with roses, it really felt awkward. For the first time, when the movie ended, we intentionally avoided arms around each other. But I am happy that I wished her at twelve in the night and without any further planning, hope that she shares the day with me, the day we make sure to acknowledge and respect the care and love of our lives.

Once I used to be single too. Though that is six years back, but I surely do remember how I felt on this day. I don’t know if being single or being in a relationship is bad or good or whatever but, I certainly would say that if you happen to be single on this day, welcome it by loving and thanking yourself. That is one thing I have never been able to do. I don’t know why but I don’t like myself. And I feel, it is a pretty nice way to ward of the void which you might happen to feel on a V – day. A Happy Valentines Day to all of you.

I am done deciding....

I am not going for the brand. Being the largest IT Company in the world and ranking within the top 10 fortune 500, currently facing a brain-drain, they promise 7% year-2-year hike for the unidentified geniuses of the world. I am certainly not one. So I get a meager 3% considering I dream of myself as a good plus. A year of efforts would keep me hoping and expecting for more. And I have hopes riding on me and I have huge liabilities to cater to. I would have loved to join you Mr. Brand, but my life has many a chains attached. If I work, I am not doing that only for myself. I have my people with me and if I don’t see their expectations fulfilled, I can’t be happy. But I thank you for giving me the opportunity to dream about us for some days. :)

I choose bucks. Though the difference isn’t huge, still I can see it increase after a year of efforts. My work has better chances of being recognized and I get to cross my magic figure on my pay slips. My list of liabilities shrinks. I can see tomorrow. It is not a fortune 500 but one working for them, still the only one which placed me closer to my expectations when I started my search for a job.
Unless HE has different plans for me, I would stick to what I have decided. The dilemma is over. The choice has been made. And from here I move into the last working week with my present organization. An association of two years will end. It has been my longest with any of them. The last one fell short by five months and I hope, the next one scores at the least, five more.

Out onto the lanes which matter more, my love arrives today and her stay of four months in the city kick starts. It would be lame if I say I am happy. I feel alive seems befitting. I have plans to go and watch “Valentine’s day” today and celebrate it tomorrow with her. The V-day also has a movie called “My Name Is Khan” for us which I am waiting to watch since last year. It is two in the morning……I better go and grab some sleep to wake up into a world with her in it minus the distance…….

SIMS3

It is about to be two in the morning and am pretty late for a post. If you ask me what had kept me busy since I came back from work, it was SIMS3. I guess you all must have heard about it. I tried playing it once and gave up in five days. You ask me why I am at it again and I say that I am just giving it another try as it is an altogether different version in itself. The concept remains the same though. Being a Gemini and sticking to a game long enough to complete it isn’t easy. It is very tough and the game has to a real gem. It has happened earlier. Just that I am stuck up at a stage in half Life 2 and I tried many a times without success. It is an old strategy for me which I always try whenever I get stuck up at some level. I switch to another game or try something different and return back and almost always, I get past the level. The same has happened many a times and quite recently with Call of Duty – The world at war. So that is all about my recent involvements with SIMS3.

And when I my sweet lappy was busy installing the game, I found out some videos of the game and guess what…..a guy has put up some videos about how to play it and he comes up with a plan to kill his boss at work and finally when he is done with it, he starts dating his wife and plans to get married to her. It is what he says as his style of getting revenge. I feel that all the managers and bosses of the world should be sent these videos to show them how badly the world has started hating them. It felt sad, eye opening, informative about the game-play and yet, surprising. I never thought I was in for a murder and revenge. It was funny too…..I admit I couldn’t help laughing at the guy. I am aware that such things happen in such simulative games but marriage after a murder…that is a bit far…….I wonder about his age and what he has that makes him play this game with such a plan….

I tried calling and messaging the HR and neither of it worked. Is he really that busy? I now feel like asking any HR I happen to see to help him out with some work which I might be capable enough to do for him. I feel connected to those who, just like me, might be waiting for their turns…..that’s what happens when a resource deals with humans and not the other way around.

My Monday....LOL

Dear bloggers, as was brought to my notice by my love, this isn’t my 100th post. I am really sorry for having said it was in my last post. I always considered the count which the blogger dashboard shows. But it isn’t in sync with the number which I see on the right navigation of my previous posts which marks it as my 94th one. I think if I edit my post and republish it; the dashboard increases the count by one. Nez…partly my fault….spare me……I am humane.

Today I was busy filling up my exit form. My organization needs to get things done ten days before my last working day. So it is time for me to go to every door and ask for a clearance signature. I am done with only two sections and tomorrow I need to complete it. So I would be using a lot of stairs tomorrow and that sucks to me. I hate stairs. It is against a Garfield-ish morale to do so. But I can’t help people who having spent almost twenty five years of their lives in this world fail to understand and comprehend the lift symbols and its movements. More than often, you can see people pressing the up-button when they want to go downstairs…..And then when the door opens, you can see that enlightened blank face with curios eyes prompting you the text “Going Down?”……..I would love to be rude but then, I have the other category of people around me, who have compassion and are kind at soul and answer with an equally logical tone “No, it’s moving up”….WOW….how helpful and informative people are. Believe me, I don’t know about you, but for me, this has been a real pain. It happens for 80% of the times I take the lifts.

As I say, that was me at work with no work. On the other side, I called the HR and he didn’t pick up. Tomorrow I shall be trying a combination of calls and messages. No offence meant….I shouldn’t expect much from a human resource. They aren’t humane…they are just a resource.

Do you believe that was what sums up today for me? It does. Life is suddenly a frozen river, waiting to melt and flow into the new lanes unaware of where it would have to go………

A Shopper's woes

Yesterday, being a Friday and being at work with no work, I played table tennis for six hours. Don’t ask me how I reached my home back. When I went to sleep, I felt as if my legs were under some baggage and I was performing some physical task at some reality show. And the night was just not the end of it. In the morning, when I got up, it didn’t feel that I had slept. I lay like a log till one in the afternoon. And finally, the wanted normalcy followed.

I went for shopping today. It seems like a girlish thing to mention and I don’t know why but shopping over time has become a female trait and you can blame the movies partly for that. But that is what I did today. My problem: When I am there, I am in no control. I am materialistic and I love getting things. I can do happily for even a year not even buying anything but I may end up getting more than I would have needed by bounds once I am there. That is one of the reasons I always try not to accompany others at shopping. Today was different. The still lingering doubt and confusion about my job offers kept me pretty busy not to focus much on surrounding attractions. And that reminds me that one of my friends who called me when I was about to start, had quite a reasoning for not joining a brand and going for money. The more the people you ask, the more are the opinions and the more is the confusion. Enough…let me stop myself right here regarding this.

My next post would be my 100th one. I can’t deny that I am excited. I had asked about opinions and ideas as to what and how I can make the post special. I ask again. Please do share your thoughts. It would save a little part of me and I would be able to put in more to think and decide about my offers which are presently ruling my nights. LOL

Still a bit Lost...

While I was waiting for the HR to call me so that I can have a second round of discussion regarding the offer he has, I got a soft copy o the offer letter in my mail box. What did he communicate back or where was he when I asked him to call me up the next morning? Is he really dumb or is that he made a statement saying that’s what the final offer would be from his end when he sent the mail? After having talked to my friends and considering the thoughts you all had put in as comments, I decided to go for a brand on condition that the HR doesn’t agree for more bucks. After the mail, it looks like I have to call him up and make myself clearer on my expectations. So, I am not yet done. Hope isn’t there that it would work out but I don’t want to repent later considering that I could have always called. That’s how it remains….will update you all on how it goes……


Yesterday, I was frustrated weighing my career options and trying to have a sneak into future….so I decided to watch a movie. “Up in the Air” is fantastic. No doubt, it has six nominations at the OSCARS. Clooney, as always playing the professional believing in his own theories of living out of a bag pack….and loosing more than he thought was fantastic. Do watch it if you haven’t…..you won’t be disappointed. A few interesting arguments have been presented. The living out of a bag style was interesting but nothing really can win unless it has love with it.

Presently, I am at work with no work but eager eyes around. So I better close this post here……..will update you regarding how things progress.

It Happened....and WOW...am LOST again.

Presently, I feel tensed. As I was heading home, the HR finally called me….yes the call that I was waiting for and the same call which I vowed against yesterday. He called at half past nine late in the night….a time when I would have expected him to call the least. Whatever he offered me isn’t what I had asked for. It is pretty less than my expectations but yes, it is a bit more than what I already have. Clearly, the choice now, considering the three offers I have, stands between brand value and remuneration. But, speaking logically, remuneration also isn’t there. It’s not that big a chunk for which you would happily sacrifice working for a brand name. And I never got a chance to do that. On the other side, my liabilities are high and I am in need of more bucks. So, as you all can see, I am confused. I am unable to decide the best one for me. And I have to stick with one because he would call me back by ten in the morning. I called up many. While majority stick to working with a giant, a minority feels that growth would be more if I choose otherwise. Ah….I complain when I don’t have any options and I complain when I have options…what is wrong with me…. I need a good sleep…a lot is going on with me….the sooner I hand it over to the subconscious, the better.

Lastly, before I sign off for today, big THANKS to all of you. You all wished me luck and I got it finally. Life certainly takes a turn when one has people like you all on their side… :)

The Months Ahead..

I am happy. Ask me why? The Oscar nominations are out and the list is available at IMDB. Though I had a rough idea after the Golden Globes as to the exact names, still the real list matters. Now it is time for me to catch up with the ones I have missed. I am done with just a few like “Julie & Julia”, “Avatar” and “An Education”. Miles to go…

The HR didn’t call. I am done hoping and dreaming around in these lanes. There isn’t any use waiting for it to come. So from tomorrow, I won’t think of it anymore. I tried yesterday too but failed. I had put in a good effort and that’s what is making it difficult for me to forget. I tried at half of it and got two offers. I tried the best I could have and seems like it won’t work out. That is what happens….LOL. There is predictability about the unpredictability of life….interesting!

She is travelling to her home. Tomorrow morning I would be meeting her at the station and I have got the chocolates ready. It will be ten minutes and a prelude to her stay of four months here in the city for her internships. She will be reaching a day before the Valentine’s. I am excited and really looking forward to the months ahead. It will be the longest for us together since three years back when we left college. The distance thing has been such a huge pain affair…….regarding her stay I am scared to feel it coming…..sometimes it seems logical to overlook it considering that plans never do work for me…..and sometimes I can’t help thinking about it and us. This is one of those times…..

The Leader

Sunday was a good day for me. It had the Roger win over Murray. All through the tournament, I supported the Briton and he really played the best of his game. But when it is Roger, there cannot be anyone whom I can like. His flair and style is deadly, yet serene and smooth. He seems like flowing around the court and his shots seem to come off effortlessly. Moreover, at the finals, it was clear that the Briton might have it someday, but on that day, he wasn’t prepared for the big game. As said, he might need a few years to be there to win it. And so comes the 16th one for Roger. The only fact that was bad about the whole game was that it didn’t last for long and was wrapped up by the third one.

Sunday, I watched “An Education” and it is a good movie and “very” as a prefix is not required. It has a message with it. IMDB rates it over 7.5 and I felt it deserving of that. It is about a teenage girl and how her life changes when she falls for a flirt who is double her age. I would say you watch it if you don’t have any ready with you on your list.

And so we move onto the Monday. The only thing about Monday was an incident which happened at my office and it runs like this. For all of them who don’t know, I have resigned a month ago and presently am serving my notice period. My colleague from my team resigned yesterday as he has some personal issues and he wanted it real bad to go back to his city. We move around together as a group of three. So, yesterday, my sweet manager found me at the stairs and told me “You are the leader….…of people going out….giving them tips and tricks and helping them out with questions……I got that”. So, that is how a nine year experienced guy behaves as a manager of the team and he still finds himself getting paid heavily and suitable to work in IT. I really wanted to pay him back but I can’t do that. But he ruined my day. Instead of trying to know why someone wants to move out and what is wrong in there in his team that is making people choose and try, he taunts me unofficially at my nature of helping people who have already made up their mind. If that is how it works, yes I am certainly a leader then and I am quite happy to have found my new talent. As they say “people don’t leave their companies, they leave their managers”, I cannot help thanking GOD more on parting ways.